It takes two Danisnotonfire and Amazingphil
by im-an-amazingdan-fan
Summary: Dan is slipping to a world of depression, and Phil is unable to do anything. When they both end up in hospital, Dan and Phil realise their life has changed forever, and there is no way of going back. From then on, they need each other more than ever, and they begin to understand why life would never be the same again.. *disclaimer - I do not own any youtubers mentioned in my story
1. Change in state

**So okay this is my first Fan Fiction, and I thought I'd give it a go (I'm so sorry for any mistakes guys)So here is my first chapter, hopefully i don't like bore you guys to death hahaha. BTW This is quite a dark story, n i suppose its just my way of getting things off my mind, there's sooo much still to come, and it will get brighter i promise. I would love it for you to leave us a reviewand tell me how I'm doing :) cheers x**

**Chapter one - a bad decision.**

Dan's P.O.V

It's 11 pm and here I sit. Though my streaming eyes begged for mercy, my unforgiving mind refused to let me rest my shaking body in a night of peace, without the traumatizing nightmares of loneliness and pain. It was just the beginning of my nightly torture. I wouldn't be bothered with them so much, but they contained him, and each night, his body lay lifeless on the cold hard streets of London. I could not move, nor could I bring myself to any ones attention; there was no one. Just me. Nevertheless, I would scream, plead, weep, but my efforts were worthless. He was dead. And as I would give up hope, I would wake, and the cold sweat had already washed through my hair and body, and I would scream.

The screams would ricochet through the walls , causing him to come speeding into my room, and hold me whilst I curled up, pathetically crying into my pitiful bundle of sweat-drenched sheets. I knew I couldn't put him through it every night; it was unfair to have him do that. So now, I just let the world sweep along without me. As I didn't sleep when I could remain conscious, I avoided human contact. Maybe because I felt irritable, but mainly, it was because I was in love... with Phil.

I was in love with Phil. From his tender skin to his beautiful blue eyes, every part of me begged for his company. But we were friends, and nothing more. The last thing I wanted is for me and my stupid feelings to go mess it up. Anyway, Phil was straight. Why would I even begin to think he would like me? I just need to make sure he doesn't know I'm not sleeping; he hates seeing me ill, especially if he knew I did it on purpose. I just really needed to get out of here. The idea of spending another night suffering was unsurprisingly unappealing to me. I slipped on my black jacket, and a pair of converse, and silently make my way out, knowing the slightest sound would blow my plan - Phil would still be awake, probably on his laptop - and quickly made for my freedom though the door and out into the frigid night.

Phil's P.O.V

I had been scanning through my twitter, chuckling at all my tweets from the fans. They really could lift my mood, especially after a long and stressful day. I wish Dan could see this. Dan. There's just something wrong with him, and for the past few weeks he's been acting odd. First of all he has remained in his room for such a long time, that I'd almost forgotten how he looked. It was weird, he would normally come and sit and play games, but now he seemed... reluctant. And then the worst part; the night times. I would fall to sleep as normal, only to be awoken by a horrifying sound of sobbing and screaming, and as I raced myself into his room, finding him on the floor, shivering and shaking from the nightmares terrible ordeal, and I never found out why he had been so upset. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

And at that moment, I jumped to my feet. Dan had been too quiet, much so that it had made me uncomfortable. It was nearly 2:00 am. I stumbled out of my room, and walked quietly up to his door, trying not to disturb or alarm him. There was no sound. Hesitating as I rose my hand to knock heart skipping a beat. I dismissed the butterflies floating in my stomach and pushed his door open, unable to contain the tension rushing through me.

His room was empty.

My heart dropped through the floor, and I quickly ran to the living room, the kitchen the bathroom. But Dan had gone. And so had my heart.

I was about to leave, after collecting my phone, keys, and wallet, and to go and find out where he had gone, when my phone rang, displaying PJ's name. Pressing answer caused an explosion of shouting bust into my ear, making me jump a mile in my quiet apartment.

"PJ, calm down! tell me whats happened?" He sounded exasperated and desperate, and there was something not right about this at all.

"Dan!" he gasped "He JUST rang, hes not well!" he began to gasp for air, and I felt a tear drop down my clammy cheek.

"Where are you?" I commanded. My voice remained strong but I was slowly breaking. Dan could be dead for all I know, and I didn't do a damn thing about it. I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"Heading for yours, I think I know know where he is... Phil you better be ready, I think he's in a bad state from what I could tell" The line went dead.

And with one swift look back into my apartment, I swung the door shut behind me and began to run.

**Hope you guys enjoyed this :) leave me a review please :)**


	2. Rush

**Here you are guys! Thank you so much for the reviews, they really made me smile :) and because of them, here is my second chapter! once again, drop me a review and ill be forever happy :) hope you enjoy this... Btw this includes some of my favorite you tubers, which makes me a happy person, but the chapter itself is quite depressing, n i found it soooo hard to write . i hope it leaves you on such a cliffhanger :) P.S sorry this took AGES to be posted and I do feel soooo guilty but I still need my education at the end of the day :)**

Phil s P.O.V

I feel sick.

As lights flash brightly past the car, I desperately scan over the London roads, in search for a lost soul. Although it was such an ungodly hour, the streets seemed even busier; filled with drunk parties and staggering youths, finding their way home blinded by the rush of alcohol. Finding it hard to believe Dan was amongst this apocalypse, it was these people who made the trip so unnerving; they were unpredictable.

My priority right now is Dan, but as if I was almost part of the rush of intoxicated population, I found myself struggling to concentrate. Dark hair, white face... dark hair. White face. Seriously! As if I was telling myself what my he looked like. I couldn't help but contain the vast discussion inside my head. Dan was drunk? That couldn't be right, not really... no... he doesn't drink like that, does he?

Another thing, I'm not the jealous type, but he called PJ. I'm not jealous, I told myself. But I'm his closest friend! That thought wavered on my mind for a while. Close friend. Brother, or more. No, don't go there. He obviously doesn't care about your feelings. But you care about his don't you? I thought deeply for a second. It was the shrill screeching of tires brought me back to reality. I turned to Peej, who's face had drained to a clammy pale colour. Something clearly had hit him, something we had all missed.

"PJ..." I whispered shyly. I felt for a moment, a sense of danger. The way PJ's face was sullen and blank, it was frightening to see.

He didn't speak.

"Peej talk to me!" this time I spoke with more confidence this time, feeling the fear rising in my throat; I had no escape from the surging pressure in my chest.

His eyes remained still and cold.

The fear built, into anger.

"TALK TO ME, FOR CHRISTS SAKE." I erupted like a volcano, causing him to jump and look at me, frowning.

"Phil. I don't know what to do." Gasped PJ, tears violently tugging at his voice in which he tried will all his might to hold.

"This isn't the right ti-" I began, but I was interrupted.

"Of course it the right time! You've noticed it to... I knew it!" he seemed to come to realize something, like the missing piece of a puzzle.

" Wha-Peej, this isn't making any sense-you are not making any sense! What have I noticed? Look Dan's somewhere out there and if we don't hurr-" I exclaimed, only to be interrupted again.

"I KNOW." It was his turn to explode this time "Look Phil, Dan hasn't spoke to anybody for months. Me, Louise, Jack, Dean, Chris, even you, we've all seen it. Every bodies noticed."

"I guess... but what are you trying to say?" Wake up Phil, this just can not be happening!

"Dan is gonna do something stupid. We need to find him Phil, and fast. I really cant say if we will have enough time..." he trailed off, picking up his phone. What? The inside of me began to break down even more, if that was even possible.

Right on que, PJ's phone flashed up. Tyler Oakley's name was visible for a millisecond, before it was swiped up to PJ's ear

"Where?" commanded PJ urgently, in such a tone that I had never heard him use. "Shit... try stop him, we will be there in two... yes he's here... bye" The next second, PJ was already unbuckled and out of the car, before I had even got chance to think. I raced in pursuit after PJ, as if my life depended on it. Dan's did.

I had already lost hope.

The closest person to me was gone.

He left us because I was too selfish to support him when he needed it most.

Too selfish for my own good.

I deserved this.

All of this.

There was nothing left.

It was all gone.

Gone.


	3. Forceful Lies

**Uhhhh hi! Yeah this is a little awkward, as I actually having uploaded a new chapter in alMOST A YEAR.**

**Yeah, I know, not very good of me n all, but I spent a long time studying my GCSE's, and now I've passed them, i want to get a better regime in my life, and this is something i wanted to do for a long time, but school took over.**

**I'm now in two different sixth forms, studying 5 A levels/equivs and a level three BTec, so i need people who are reading this too understand that actually I am more focussed on my future right now, and if I don't update regularly then it's because I do have a lot of work to be getting on with from school (I also have a job alongside - bear with me please!)**

**Anyway, that was my annual update, on with the next chapter...**

_**Update important - I uploaded this on the 23rd of September, and had to take it down after 24 hours after a formatting error. sorry to you guys who missed out on the new chapter, the system must have misunderstood the task, hopefully this is it now.**_

**Dans P.O.V**

Standing rather cautiously, I shivered against the forceful wind swirling ferociously around me. Its biting fangs pierced at my damp clothes, forcing my body to cry for help. But I could not give in. The fight had to go on, and I wouldn't let it beat me.

Earths pressures, whether emotional or physical, had already broke me. He had thrown his harshest winds, and his cruelest storms. Earth was the mighty man who had brought me to my knees, poured blood from my veins. I would reach my lowest points. I wouldn't want to go on anymore. Some of my nights were never meant to see morning because of him. But I fought on. I would always fight on.

Tonight was a particularly dangerous night. The skies flashed, the rain hailed, the wind scorched. But I fought on. I fought on because it was the only fight I had ever known. Its familiarity greeted me like old friends. But this night would be different. foretold by my demons, this would be the last fight. The final decision to whether I would be the worthy contestant. I would have to try and see.

Since leaving home, I lost all awareness of my surroundings and had walked until I stopped, with no reason or understanding, finding the place I had to be tonight. Bringing the view into focus, I observed the dire scene in front of me.

Beyond all recognition, I had found myself in a small area of grass, littered with rubbish and old fences. Just beyond this, lay an unsteady brick wall; like those you see in the countryside, all built up without cement. And from the wall, I could here the heavy gushing of water. A loud growl of thunder shattered the silence

For what seemed like hours, I stood still, wondering of my purpose. Never had it occurred to me that it would come to this moment. A moment of eternal bliss. Utter glory. A story that was meant to end at the beginning. And now was my chance. Here I was being offered a friendly hand that offered me my new ecstasy, my next sweet escape. Something that I had craved for years, yet for years I never knew what I yearned until I really understood my fate. Since my discovery, I had become fixated on this fate, to fulfill the prophecy and become just another sad story, sure to pass.

A second roll of timpani-like thunder disturbed the atmosphere. My feet began to move more purposefully.

It was just a short distance, and I was very close. The excitement rose like a wildfire at the pit in my stomach, and there surely seemed to be no way to dampen the roaring flames that engulfed me in every step I took. It was like I could not hold the anticipation within me. it was exciting to finally be here, like waiting for your parcel to arrive, much anticipation about what you have, how you will use it. A lot of questions and only one way to find out the answer.

There wasn't much I could look back on at this point. Yeah, there was all the normal things you would expect, like family, memories and things, but nothing real. No real achievements or statements. I hadn't saved the world. Nor had I made effort to change the way it worked. I would be forgotten so easily because there was nothing that I could do to be remembered. Not that that mattered anyway.

As I closed upon the wall, I felt a pull at my heart as reality hit me hard. What the hell was I doing? I couldn't just do it... not like this. It wasn't the thought of it being this way, just the thought of leaving someone behind. I knew they didn't care, but I did. why? I don't know. I seriously don't know. They were just another person, and I just had to accept it wouldn't be fair to amount all of... this onto their mind. It was my problem, they shouldn't have to deal with this.

As I leant my hands against the wall i really did feel a pull.

Against my arm.

Somebody knew I was here.

Phil's P.O.V

Where in the world was I? We had been running for such a long time, it was almost as if there was never going to be an end to this torture. Even the dragged wheezing of my lungs, or the treacherous stabbing pain in my chest could not block out the pain that seared through me. The guilt pulled at my heart and I felt I couldn't take it anymore. It was as if my mind told me it was over, yet my heart urged me to go on, as if there was a chance that something would happen, that there would be some change and life would be normal again. I knew I had to keep going.

The blood pounding through my heart blocked all sound from around me, and condemned me to eternal silence from the world, which was so suddenly on hold, whilst I chased after the one person who made my world better. I just felt so guilty, it was unimaginable. I could see it happening in front of my eyes. My own two eyes, seeing Dan, my closest friend, partner in crime, falling to pieces, only held together by the faintest strings, and I ignored it. I ignored my best friends short lived life difficulties because of my self indulgent personality passing it off for some stupid phase. As if I could ever let Dan do that. I didn't even help. I stood by and watched, this is all my fault and there's nothing I can do anymore that will make this any better. Because I have ruined his life, and if Dan does this, it will be all my fault. I don't think I could live with that burden.

Afresh roar of thunder burst through the rush of wind.

We had raced down many streets, empty of life that usually inhabited them in the days, it felt unnatural. Through abandoned lands and deserted roads I tailed on P.J, running on hope, until he stopped. I crashed into his back, unaware of the change of circumstances from my blurred vision. Doubled over, I couldn't hold myself together, but feeling the grasps of hands pulling me up, echoing reasured mumbles, I knew there was hope.

Blinking a few times I suddenly put into focus what was in front of me. Gazing intently through the damaged fence, I saw a figure stood alone. It was hard to see who it was, but I was sure I had a clear idea. I froze, as the sound of rushing rivers sounded. Beyond the person was a wall, and concealed by the wall, a river of high power, so much so that no man would survive its pull. Many thoughts crashed through my mind, rooting me into my current position, so I couldn't move and could only observe this man. He started to walk

A few silent seconds passed, broken by a huge roll of thunder.

I realized what had to be done at this point. I realized what was going to happen, and what would happen if I didn't do it. I burst forward, stumbling through the fences tangling wires.

It was life or death. I could do it. I could stop him before it's too late, before I make the worst mistake of my life.

I fell across some tires, invisible to the naked eye, hitting my head across the ground. I had to carry on.

What if this was the last time I saw him? What if he did it anyway and I was too late? What if he didn't care for me? Because I had not helped him and watch his life escape from his eyes. I could not bear the thought no more.

As the rain began to pour from the heavens, I stopped just a few feet away from him. With my right arm already useless, I reached my left one out and slowly clasped around his arm. I'm here Dan... I thought.

General P.O.V

Dan whipped his arms away. Phils attempts in not scaring him had not worked, and now Dan proceeded to back away, avoiding eye contact.

"Dan..." gasped Phil, his chest already heaving. He was ignored. "Please Dan...". With no hint of recognition, Dan sat down, leaning against the unsteady rocks, giving Phil a gesture as to sit with him.

"You need your inhaler, Phil." After an awkward silence, Dan spoke. This was not yet a kind regard, but a change of topic. He stood by his statement of not getting Phil involved. Phil, who had already sat rather sheepishly, felt the sudden painful stabbing in his chest. Yes, he did need it, but that wasn't important to him right now

"I'm okay." it was a good attempt, but not enough to fool Dan. He could tell Phil was not good.

"Seriously, go get help." there was a short silence "I'm okay too" Much to Dans efforts, he also failed to be strong. Phil knew Dan was not okay, and if he left, it surely would be the last he ever saw of Dan. Phil could not do that.

"Why here?" Questioned Phil.

"Why not?"

"Well, it's dangerous, dark, there's no one aro-

"Exactly". Snapped Dan. This again tugged at Phils heart, causing guilt to pour over him like cold water. Phil thought Dan had really given up at this point. But he hadn't. He's just given up on me thought Phil.

"Come home, Dan. Please. We can talk this through, it'll pass and everything will be back to normal again." Phil spoke with sensitivity, as if not to upset Dan. "you know you can talk to me, right?". This response tugged at Dan too. He knew Phil wanted just to help, to support him. But, like all his other feelings, Dan knew Phil would never understand. Contrary to his thoughts, he lied to Phil.

"I know that, but its not that easy."

"I will listen to you. I'm serious about it. No matter what, I'll understand you."

No you wont, thought Dan.

"There's not point anymore!" Even Dan was taken aback by his own change of attittude. He dare not look at Phil. What had he done?

"I want to help you-"

"This is not helpi-"

"Then tell me how to help you out or-"

"Do you think I would be here if I god damn knew?" Phil had pushed Dan to the edge, and he knew it. Phil knew he'd touched a nerve. Regretting what had just happened, he decided something had to be done.

"Come on Dan... this isn't the solution."

Silence.

"I want to help you now, I just need to know..."

Silence.

"Dan, I'm not messing around anymore. This is getting to far. Everyone wants to help."

Dan looked away guiltily.

Phil felt a sudden urge of vicious betrayal. No trust in him, not even a word to say something. Why couldn't he tell me, thought Phil. Have I done something? I could promise my life that I would understand... It surely couldn't be that bad. Phil refused to believe that Dan had something that bad to hide.

"I can't do this anymore Phil"

"Do what?"

As soon as Dan had finished talking, he stood up hastily, his breathing fast and uneven. His legs were light and unsteady. His vision blurred and confusing. Thoughts flashed before Dan, and he couldn't hold it all together. And as he began to panic even more, he clambered heavily over the wall, legs hanging off the high drop, facing the rushing water. Dan was ready for this. Now or never

"No Dan! Stop!" Phil had struggled to his feet, his chest growing weaker by the second.

"I cant take it anymore..."

"What? What can't you take?"

"All the lies, the hiding, I can't even talk to..."

"I'm here talk to me now"

No Phil I can't talk to you! It's you I can't talk to."

Silence was only broken by the heavy waters below. Phil stood shakily, glaring, thinking about what had just be said. This justified everything. It was all clear now. With all the strength he could manage, Phil spoke.

"Fine then. If this is it for you, fair enough. But it's just not enough for me anymore. I need you, but obviously don't need me to help you through. Do what the hell you want. I don't care. Its your stupid decision, and if you think it's right for you, then well done, you just made a decision all by yourself, but if you ever need help. Don't. Come. To. Me." And with that,Phil began to walk away from Dan.

But Dan couldn't leave like this. There was not way Dan could do what needed to be done with Phil feeling that way. It would be monstrous of him. Dan reached out before Phil had chance to take a step.

Dan pulled heavily on his arm. And as he did, Dan Felt the wall crumble unfaithfully beneath him, pulling them both into the deep abyss.

Both disappeared behind the wall.


	4. Protection

**I'm back again! Just couldn't leave it here for much longer, was thinking about what would happen next all day at work and school, so I had to write something at least to get it off my mind already. I feel this may become something really long and hopefully yet people interested in it, because it's one of my favorite ways to chill, sitting and writing **

**If you enjoyed this so far, leave a comment and tell me how it is or what you think might happen next; it would be interesting to see your ideas too. **

Chapter 4 -

The heavy slushing of wind-beaten water failed to soil the utter silence of the two men who had appeared to have just submerged into the icy waters. The tremendous crash of a body hitting water had disappeared, and now what remained was their dreaded disappearance.

Unheard by the Dan and Phil, where the cries of their friends as the rushed clumsily towards the still crumbling wall, and lumps of corroded rock skidded down the jagged banks which crashed heavily into the water, but no life remained whilst they fell. As the friends reached the edge, they realised that there was no clear drop into the water; but a length of rocky bank before the rushing waters.

And along the bank, lay a motionless person, face down, arms and legs at odd angles. It wasn't clear which one it was, but there was no sign of any others along the banks itself.

A few minutes had passed before PJ managed to clamber down the unsteady walls, being the only one controlling his emotions enough to compose himself and think properly. Unable to see who lay flat on the ground, he ran heavily towards the figure, and rolled him onto his back.

Barely recognisable lay a motionless Phil.

His face was drenched in blood, seeping from cuts around his face. Beyond the leather jacket, Phil had several punctures to his stomach from the jagged rock continuously falling from the ever damaged walls.

"Stay up there! It's not safe and I need someone to get help!" Shouted PJ to Tyler and Jim, who were peering over the edge as to see better. He heard a few replies and some more movement, convincing him that they had heard what he needed. He looked back down at Phil face. It was emotionless and messed, and it made PJ feel sick to the stomach. Looking at him was a truly horrific sight, and it immediately took Dan off PJ's mind. He took his jacket off and covered Phil, feeling the full extent of the icy weather.

In the distance, there were sirens calling out and getting ever closer to the sight, but being down in the banks did not help; they could neither see or hear anybody now. The only sound remaining was the constant rushing of the murky waters, and PJ's constant attempts to stir him awake, which all was prevailed by the elements. The rain began to pour more heavily, and the lightning struck across the dismal skies. PJ's energy began to slowly seep from his body

Although It felt much more like hours, it was only moments before he actually heard any others around him. It seemed that both Tyler and Jim were unable to get back to the edge, but a stranger's voice began to call over. Muffled by the wind, he heard faintly someone asking for his response.

"Hello! I'm down here, please get help!" Called PJ hopelessly. It seemed almost pointless to shout. He could not even point out where the voice had come from, and he definitely hoped his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. It wasn't something he could rule out either, as the cruel wind and relentless rain lashed at his already drenched body. It was beyond cold, and was already taking away all of PJ's energy. He heard the mystery voice again, a little clearer.

"are you there? Shout if you can hear me." Somebody called down.

This is it, thought PJ. He glanced up at the drop and saw dim lights shining down his way, feeling unsure whether the beams would actually reach him at that point.

"Listen to me, my friend fell. He's hurt he won't talk.. You have to get help down here now!" Feeling more optimistic, PJ tried to stand, to get a better view of the people, but his knees began to quiver and shake under the numbness of the cold, and before he realised, he had already fallen back to his knees.

There was no way I could leave him like this, thought PJ. His mind struggled to keep up the what was happening in front of him. The rocks began to fall again, rolling towards them both, but there was not reaction. He could not think rationally, the cold had infiltrated him and left him with no clue of where he was or why.

The elements had beaten him down, and PJ's eyes began to fall heavy. With his last amount of energy, he pulled himself back to Phil, as if to protect him.

That's last thing he remembered was the light that got brighter, before he closed his eyes.


	5. Change in Circumstances

**I wanted to keep the story flowing, and by that I want to upload on a more frequent basis, so I can shape it around my school work, so it doesn't take over, but is still an escape for me from the amounts of work im getting weekly, which is a lot more than I got before my exams. **

**Since writing again, I felt the story wasn't getting any further because it was almost as if it was in the same position for a whole year, and getting the plot moving again might motivate me to keep going further. I feel may be appropriate to continue without Dan or Phil P.O.V, but if you would like me to start doing that again, just message me and tell me. **

**Anyway, lets get on with the next chapter. Please leave a review to help me out or tell me what you think so far, it would be so helpful **

**Update: I want to thank the last person who left a review to help me with my story, it was very helpful. **

Chapter 5 – Change in Circumstances

Lots of flashing lights were going by, but they didn't make much sense at all.

Pain so bad it would make any man scream, but he made no sound. He could not move, or breathe, or cry. It was too much. A cry for help wasn't an option.

The pain felt like blood had turned to lava, searing through each and every limb, causing colossal paralysis. It reached deep inside his head and create the feeling of overwhelm and stress to lay heavily embedded in him.

His mind recreated the frightening ordeal of what had happened before this strange event have occurred. Approaching a place, and seeing that face, almost for the last time, and then... nothing. Just the realisation that the decisions made that night were not considered appropriate or sensible. It was not the outcome that bothered him; he could not remember the outcome. It was the tension, the change in circumstances that made everything so frightening, so... different. Everything would change from now on, and that could only mean that it would never be the same again. Whatever happened from this point on, would never revert to the original position.

After a while, the pain began to settle on his head, and the lights seemed to get brighter and brighter without any control. Reality was coming closer than ever before.

Don't go to the light, he chuckled to himself.

Phil's eyes opened as he took a sharp breath.

The blurred vision did not help him understand where he was, nor did having terrible eyesight, but he couldn't bear moving his arms to find his glasses. Just as well, because when his eyes finally came into focus as much as he could muster, he realised he wasn't back in the fluffy depths of his bed; Phil was laying down on what appeared to be a hospital bed. there were many people surrounding him, speaking to him and others around, but he could not make out who they were, just blurs of people flying by. The voices seemed like whispers, though Phil was convinced that the person closest to him seemed to be shouting to his face. Why so angry? Phil tried to pull a confused face, but everything was so numb.

As soon as he realized that the person was shouting to him, his hearing followed back to him, much like a radio tuning.

"Can you hear me? Hello? What's your name? Do you know where you are?" Asked the person, suddenly too loud for Phil to comprehend, the questions overwhelmed him, and Phil didn't know what to do. " I need you to talk to me please! Try and tell me your name, I know it's difficult and confusing but it will help us a lot here."

"Ph..." The sounds were there, they just didn't seemed to string together very well "Phil...Lest..er"

The person sent somebody else off with his name, and then turned back to Phil.

"Okay Phil, I've got a very important question for you, and it's very important that you answer me truthfully, okay?" The man seemed to have calmed his voice, sensing Phils alarm. Phil nodded gently.

"I need to know if you can trust me." This seemed a strange question, and Phil wasn't sure he wanted to really answer it. The man was a complete stranger, and Phil still couldn't figure out what was happening.

"Yes." Replied Phil in a raspy, weak voice. He knew that this person was stranger, but what choice did he have. He couldn't move and this man seemed to be the only person who knew what was really happening. There was no point in denying it.

"Well, I'm sure you're quite confused as to what's going on. I know it's not going to be easy to take it in right now but I feel that you may be more at ease knowing your current situation.

"as I understand, You're here because you've taken quite a fall, and it seems clear that it wasn't a direct drop either; there are a lot of scraps and cuts, meaning that you didn't fall straight to the ground. All the cuts from the fall have been cleaned and were taken care of while you were here-"

"What? How long-" Phil began to choke uncontrollably, feeling the ultimate weakness in his body. The person pulled an oxygen mask over his face calmly.

"Not to worry now. You were only unconscious for a few hours here, maybe four hours. You didn't come in until nearly 4am, they had some trouble getting to you and your friend." Phil looked questionably at the person. Was Dan there? Where was he now? What was really going on? "He's okay, you both were showing signs of hypothermia, but that's treatable enough. This is what these sheets are for" he pointed to the peculiar sheets covering Phil up to his neck "We are just about to send you to the x ray, we think that leg of yours is broken, your left arm too. I won't be long. I'll ask to bring your friend through too, If that's okay?" Phil nodded silently.

_Of course it was okay, as long as Dan's okay_, thought Phil, feeling much more at ease. The Doctor was right; he had decided that this must be who the man was. The hypothermia must had taken away Phil's ability to process his surroundings. Although he could not remember what happened earlier that night, Phil felt at ease because he thought he knew that Dan was safe now, as the last time Phil remembered seeing Dan, was when he almost let Dan jump...

He closed his eyes. Now able to think more clearly, he began to feel the effects of the events that had happened. Pain in his leg seared through his hips at the slightest movement, and his arm felt like fire. Deep in his head was an annoying throbbing of pain as if he had been battered heavily with a club. There was no mistake that Phil had seemingly come off worse in this instance. The cuts were the worst; stinging uncontrollably, eventually pulling his mind from everything else. Each shoot of pain reminded him of what type of mental pain Dan must have been going through to resort to this. But at least he is safe now.

Unknown to Phil, who had slipped back into sleep, and when he came round, he had already reached the X ray department, where he was roused from his sleep.

"I'm sorry," said the nurse, "it's just for the x ray, and then you can rest all you want."

The x rays were over quickly, and although all Phil wanted to do was sleep, he knew he needed to be away, to see Dan and see with his own eyes that he really was okay. So he began to bring himself back to his senses. Dan would need all the help he could get, and Phil was not prepared to let him go anytime soon, not like he almost had done a few hours earlier.

Was it really that late? It must be about 6 o'clock now – a time that neither Dan nor Phil would naturally see. It was the middle of the night when Phil had gone, but he didn't think that it would have been two hours out in the cold and rain. He couldn't remember much of that, being unconscious for the most of it still felt unreal, animated that it could have ever happened.

Just then, the doors creaked open, and Phil, who was composing himself, felt he knew who was about to round the corner.

It really wasn't who he had expected, as PJ walked gingerly around the corner.

"Phil - I thought- never mind I mean – are you okay?" He blurted out in such a mess.

"It's not him..." Whisper Phil through the mask, unclear to PJ or anybody around him. PJ rushed over and gently pulled off the mask, sitting it on Phil's chest.

"What did you say? I don't understand." Phil took a jagged breath, releasing his worst fears were coming true. And as the sun began to peak, the question still remained.

"Where is Dan?"

_**Just so people know, the experience I described from Phil waking up was closely based on my experience with general anaesthetic, which means not everybody would respond in the same way, and this is just what I can remember.**_


	6. Mind Games

**I want to thank everybody who left me great reviews last time – it means a lot to know when people respect your work and effort! Hopefully it is getting more interesting and we can get on with the story. I am trying to make the chapters a little longer, so I can get through more in each part and advance in the storyline, so it might take me longer to get uploads done, but I am beginning to upload a chapter in advance, so if I cannot write for whatever reason, there's always something in the system I can upload for you guys so you don't go without. **

**I don't know how long this story is going to go on for, because I have made a plan with many different endings which are just playing out as I go along, and I didn't anticipate it to go on for this long, but we will see where it goes. This chapter was probably the most difficult to write, but I hope you enjoy it!**

Chapter 6 -

His legs frozen, body into shock, drowning without motion, Dan couldn't have landed in a worse position. While Phil had managed to fall close to the walls, he had pushed away, and landed into the deep waters, and the shock from the fall and the freezing river had rendered him paralyzed, unable to think or move, with no way of escaping the icy river.

With its intense pull, the river dragged Dan along the banks, allowing him no air or chance to survive, and it drained him of all hope as he realised his life could not be over; Dan could not leave a mess like this, not knowing if Phil was okay, or if he had indeed survived Dans consequences.

Dans knees jerked as the hit something solid... was that the ground? Had he been so lucky to be dragged to the edges of the river for one last chance? Hope glimmered somewhere in Dans heart, as he managed to beckon the edge closer to him, and pull his body out of the ice bath and into fresh air, something he had not been able to have since he had fallen in, which seemed to be such a long time.

With the last bit of energy inside him, Dan gasped for air, filling his lungs as much as he could, savoring the ability to live while he had the chance. The cold night nipped at his sodden clothes and he felt winter close in, sucking all the warmth that the river hadn't extracted. It was not over yet. Dan may have miraculously survived the vicious waves, but he would still have to venture into the deep empty night and find the one person he care about the most.

The venture up hill seemed to be impossible, as Dan dragged his feet heavily. The difficulty really started here, as his who body was numb from his oxygen starved body, and prevented him of the ability to walk properly, leaving him to crawl hopelessly along the jagged path until Dan pulled himself up a wall, and leant, feeling absolutely drained.

It was at this point Dans demons began to appear inside his head. The same demons that made him wake up in the middle of the night. The ones who kicked out the real person on the inside, and replace him with another, one who couldn't function, who would try every measure to escape. But there was always a fight, and it would never end good.

_It's a lost cause _hissed the demon in Dans ear. He was ignored.

_You will never make it. He doesn't want you there and you know it_. Dan couldn't let this happen now. It was all inside his head.

_It's all over now... _

_You go what you wanted, didn't you?_ Its evil sneer cresendo'd in Dans mind.

_You couldn't have done better. It's finished now, there's nothing to find... _

"Don't... I can't... leave me..." Murmured Dan in frustration. He began to pull himself along the perimeter of the wall, hoping it would lead to somewhere nice. Bahamas hopefully.

_You know what's happened don't you?_

"No... Don't say it..." He stumbled faster.

_This was your doing... so I want YOU to say it... _

_You know you want to... _

"Please don't..."

_Say it . _

"No." The demon began to manifest itself.

_Say it, Dan. _

_You know its right..._

"Leave me... leave me alone! Stop! I don't want this..."

_Say it now! And realise that it's over, you're over. _

Dan dropped in despair, clutching at his head, as if to pull his demons away. They couldn't control him anymore now. Phil needed him more than ever. He did this to Phil. Pulled him into his problems when he should never needed be involved. It was Dan's fault. All his fault. As he lay down on the freezing pavements, he heard his demons last words...

_That's right Dan... _

_You killed Phil._

**I'm sorry this one is so short; it was very difficult to write and it really does contribute to the story, just in a small part. Please leave me a review of what you think :)**


	7. Going Empty Handed

**Hi again! It's really beginning to get on in the story now, and im finally organizing everything so that I'm getting both school work and writing done, whilst spending time with my family, so chapters are certainly about to be more regular. I'm not gonna commit myself to a specific date to upload things because it's not far if I have a lot work to do; I'm not prepared to pressure myself, so I am just going to upload around three days apart, depending on work and school. I have also decided to try upload around 8pm in British time, which gives me chance to do school work and edit/create more of this.**

**I hope that people are enjoying this story so far, its been very exciting to write and I find myself thinking about it during lessons. Everything is now beginning to work out and the story is falling nicely into place, although I do tend to get writers block when I think about it too much. I feel It has so much potential and could go so many ways. **

**I absolutely love hearing back from you guys, it really makes me feel better when I see people can enjoy my work and it really just brightens my day. Anyway let's get on with this next chapter **

Chapter 7 -

"So you're telling me that there is some emotional wreck of a kid wandering the streets injured, if not dead?" Sighed the disgruntled officer. He did not seem to care too much that Phil had been through the worst night of his life, only just regaining the feeling to his limbs, with hazy memories of what happened and painful cuts and injuries reminding him every second. The officer also hadn't understood that PJ was still in shock, unable to co-operate effectively to bring two sentences together, never mind give a statement.

"Yes..." Choked Phil, feeling the searing pain in his throat.

"Not to worry kid, we will send out a search team along the rivers and streets. But I must say not that his chances are not looking too good, in my eyes. The state you described to me, and the conditions last night... well I'm surprised that either of you made it at all. That's all for now. I will be in contact soon." The investigator left the room in utter silence, almost like Phil and PJ really weren't in the same room. It was nearly 9 am, and PJ was waiting to be discharged; he didn't need anymore treatment, just rest and try not to worry. On the other hand Phil would have to stay until the cuts on his stomach had been cleaned and dressed, when his body temperature reached normal and when they took him to the fracture clinic to have support casts on his arm and leg.

They said Phil was lucky. There should be more injuries than what he had. He probably shouldn't be alive right now. He was very lucky, although when they mentioned Dan, it was not the same optimism. He was not as lucky. He was missing. Nobody had seen him through the night, and there was no obvious reason for him to just walk away, or even be able to. Phil could only think of one reason that he was not there with Phil and PJ; Dan had been caught in the stream and pulled away with the currents. The thought had sickened Phil to the stomach, but it was the only realistic explanation. Dan wouldn't just walk away, and even if he did then PJ surely would have seen him wouldn't he? It just didn't make sense.

PJ's thoughts were not the same of Phils. He was the only one who could really remember anything after their fall, and couldn't understand why he hadn't thought. Why hadn't he thought about Dan? It was Dan everybody was worried about in the first place, yet he just forgot... PJ never meant it to be this way. For all he knew it could be his fault. Maybe bringing Phil was a bad idea. Now they were here and PJ could do nothing but feel guilty. He couldn't save Dan. He didn't even think about him. PJ shook his head in frustration. This was all his fault.

"I can tell you're thinking." Phil wanted to go on, but only resulted in another coughing fit. His chest really hurt from the cold, and he couldn't really breath that well, but he couldn't let PJ think too much.

"Don't worry yourself too much about me, you've got your own problems Phil..." But Phil wasn't letting him get away with it. After he regained his breath, Phil pressed on.

"And I know exactly what you're thinking about. Stop it, it's really not your fault."

"But I didn't do anything?" PJ sighed heavily and put his head in his hands, holding onto his hair. "I didn't mean it. I really didn't."

"PJ I get it, I really don't blame you, nobody does. Its not your fault at all. You couldn't do everything, that would be impossible. You just saved my life, I know for a fact you didn't intentionally do anything and you were stressed. Don't let this get to you, please." But PJ still allowed himself to think the same thoughts.

A few hours passed in silence, where neither of the boys could bring themselves to talk, too drowned in their own thoughts, until a nurse came in to take Phil to have the supports made and his cuts checked over and cleaned. PJ didn't really want to tag along, but felt that Phil needed the support. He had not felt so alone for a long time; he always had Dan next to him, and being here on his own was not ideal.

They put a brace on Phil's leg that ran from his ankle up to his thigh. It gave him more mobility and balance, especially with his arm, which was then wrapped in a thick cast. Phil looked dismal at this change in circumstances; he still felt pain shooting in his legs and now he felt even more trapped than before.

"Don't worry, its only temporary dear." Mentioned the nurse who had just helped Phil into the chair. He managed a small smile before his face resumed like stone. He still felt numb, even though the feeling had returned to his fingers now. As he was pulled back to his room, they called PJ over to tell him he was discharged and they insisted he could go home and rest. An hour later he stayed by Phil's side. If he couldn't stop feeling guilty, he could at least make Phil feel better, even if it was in utter silence.

Time seemed to go on forever while his cuts were cleared and patched up. The solution they used stung like wasps and bees, and he really had to bite his tongue to get through it, but finally it was over. The checks, the treatment, it was all finished. He could go home as long has he would rest and let the shock pass over first, then slowly get back into everyday life. It wasn't until they were about to call a taxi when PJ spoke again.

"Hey... errm... maybe you should come over to my place... might be easier, with no stairs and all." He looked hopefully at Phil. PJ wouldn't let Phil be on his own when he could barely walk in a straight like, using one crutch and still not being well.

"I just want to be at home. Just in case. I mean, you never know. They would call me there too, if anything happens..." Phil trailed of, muttering to himself.

"Well at least let me stay at yours." Phil looked at him, confused "Oh come on, you don't think you're going to manage the door step all by yourself." They both laughed, still feeling the emptiness. "in all seriousness, you are not going to manage by yourself. Let me help, its going to be harder by yourself as it is." Phil thought for a moment. He didn't really know what he wanted; to be alone or be with friends, but what he did know was he definitely could not manage living alone like this.

"Okay then, it could be fun I suppose." Phil smiled, more than he did before. For the first time in weeks, he didn't feel ignored, he didn't feel alone, he felt cared for.

**Please leave me a review! It really helps and motivates me to keep going and its so nice to hear back from people :)**


	8. The Man

**Hi there! My god we are at chapter 8 already! I can't believe I really managed to get this far on, its really beginning to develop. I've finished my rant on making times fit around school and stuff; all of that's sorted now. **

**I hope you guys like the direction that this story is going in. I know its not completely realistic, but who says it can't. Some of the things were written last minute, while others were just difficult to understand or write, so it means my writing feels forced. I also had to rush some things that happened otherwise the chapters would be never ending... **

**Thank you to people who have Favorited/followed/reviewed my story, like I say it means a lot to me to see a response in what I do. Nothing makes me smile more than seeing someone appreciate your work and know that there are people out there that wrote that for me to see. Thank you so much! **

**_Update - I was part way through this chapter when I broke my wrist and tore a few muscles in my right hand, so writing these are really difficult, I'm sorry if there are any obvious mistakes!_**

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Chapter 8 -

Phil's cold hands shook and they struggled to put the godforsaken key in the door. PJ helped his hand steady and let them both into the empty apartment. It was incredibly quiet and uncomforting to the both of them, but they would have to face their fears. With much help, Phil managed the stairs steadily, slipping every other step, until he made it to the top. He looked out into the landing area, seeing the adjacent doors just as he had left them when he raced from room to room a few nights before. Phil shuddered as he relayed the memories in his mind.

"Come on, don't think about it too much now..." Said PJ awkwardly, trying his best to comfort Phil. It couldn't be easy, he thought, coming back and knowing it would never be right again. Knowing that the last time he was here was when he discovered Dan's secret. PJ couldn't face thinking about it too, but he had to be the strong one for now. His flop of curly hair tickled his head as he lowered Phil to the chair.

"Right you. Stay here. I'm putting that kettle on. Lets just chill out for a little while, and rest." PJ added on the end, knowing that rest would be the most difficult thing for both of them, even though they were incredibly exhausted from the ordeal they had been through. Phil looked a little brighter at the thought of a hot drink and rest for his aching body, which had taken quite a beating. The bruises were really coming through now, and they began to show greatly across Phil's face and arms, probably where he had landed. But Phil could not remember falling or hitting the ground. The memories were still so foggy that he couldn't focus on anything at once when they flowed through his mind. He just needed hope, that Dan was still out there, alive.

A few miles away, a mans eyes began to flutter as he came round from what felt a weeks worth of sleep. With heavy eyes, he began to pull himself to sit up, but his head spun, the hazy view did no justice for him. His arms scraped along the tarmac, pain shooting up through his arms. There was rain that pattered lightly on his back, washing the blood that had dried to his hair from a deep cut from his neck to the middle of his head. It throbbed with strong pain.

When his surroundings came into view, this man really couldn't have described the dire situation he was in. His arms found their way up a murky red bricked wall of a very tall building, its mirror imaged on the other side. Their tall stature masked most daylight, allowing the thinnest rays to shine down the dingy alleyway. Rubbish scattered amongst dead leaves and empty beer cans, as the wind whistled down the channel, knocking them askew every few seconds. There didn't seem to be anybody around, and the man really didn't know where he was.

His hands moved across to his shoulder, that sent shooting pains down his arm and his back; it didn't feel too nice. With much effort, the man was on his feet, and with every movement his body ached furiously, as if he had been beaten and thrown out of a window. It wasn't a good feeling that settled in his stomach as he stumbled forward, not one bit of recognition fluttering in his mind

Where am I? He asked himself, feeling incredibly confused. Stepping out into the blinding light, he shielded his eyes and gazed down the road, held the busy shoppers and commuters that rushed by, and as he began to make his slow descent, holding onto the wall beside him with his life, the man realised that these people where not going to help. Many of them would just look at him briefly, and then make a fuss out of moving as far away as possible. It cant be that bad, can it? Why wont they just help me? He tried a few times to get someone's attention, but there was no hope; people would avoid his eyes and carry on quickly and inhumanly. Nobody wanted to bother with the kid with blood running down his face. The kid with ripped, sodden clothes, stumbling like a drunken idiot. It was a lost cause.

"Hey man, are you okay?" He peered up to see himself faced with a light complexion, dressed in a casual suit, holding a brown leather brief case under his arm. His eyes fluttered to the large gash seeping blood from this mans head, and the various markings across his arms and clothes.

"Yeah, where...what is..." The man stumbled forwards, as his helper caught him under the arms.

"Whoa, steady there. That's it just sit down man..." The helper propped him up against the wall, and pulled out his phone. "You're going to be okay. Just stay awake. I can help you." He proceeded to dial the emergency services, but the man on the ground did not hear him, and slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

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**There is a reason behind this "man" don't worry I haven't forgotten my characters name. **


	9. The Phone Rings

**Hey again, I am having trouble with writing still, my arm is very painful right now and makes writing such a slow process, but I'm getting there. The story is getting harder to write as I go along as there are so many things I just haven't thought about, or I make last minute changes. **

**Hopefully the close will be coming soon, but I just keep changing my mind or adding new parts in, so who knows? **

**Just a Short update this time, as they seem to be getting longer each time. **

Chapter 9 -

It had been a few days since Phil had gotten home, and they were right; he really did struggle. Just opening a door would take him so much effort. Phil found sitting and standing difficult because of the stitches across his stomach and the constant aching of his leg, which he could not bend. His hands did not seem to work any more either, as they would not hold onto anything, and on countless occasions he would suddenly drop things.

Three glasses had smashed since he had been home. Three. Dan wouldn't be happy about that.

There was also the thought of Dan. He hadn't been seen, no one could trace where he had gone. According to the police, Phil would have to give a statement soon.

_But how soon was soon? _Phil thought_. Why wasn't there any urgency? He was out there, and they're sat around as if they had nothing to worry about. Of course they had nothing top worry about, It wasn't their best friend. It's mine. And I feel like I'm the only one whose actually caring about where he might be. _

Phil seemed to be the only hopeful one right now. Even PJ had his doubts, although his had to stay strong for Phil, who really couldn't deal with the stress right now. Trying to tell Phil that he shouldn't have high hopes would be like prodding a scorpion. It would be no use. The hope is all that was keeping Phil together these days.

Rolling over slowly, wary of the stitches tugging at his stomach, Phil opened his heavy eyes to realise he was still in his dimmed room, the curtains pulled over, concealing the midday light. He glanced at his bedside table and noticed the new mug of tea that was there. It hadn't been there long either, as he could see the steam flooding from the top. PJ must have been in and left it for me, thought Phil.

Phil made a point to thank PJ for that. And everything else. He had helped with everything that Phil used to be able to do before the fear of tearing the newly stitched cuts spread. This included just getting from A to B, or room to room, as it had been for the last few days. Phil knew that PJ was doing everything he could and he was thankful for it. But Phil sensed that PJ really couldn't be hopeful anymore, and he understood why. The Points were obvious, and stared Phil in the face every moment of every day, but Phil trued to avoid staring back. There still had to be something good in all this gloom, even if the chances were thin. Even if he was living on a prayer. It didn't feel right to think like the others did. It couldn't be over now.

His door creaked open, and he quickly shut his eyes, feeling that he still couldn't face the fact that he still needed help getting up out of bed. It felt stupid that he couldn't live on his own anymore, and that he would need the support of others in everything he did. Even going to the toilet, the most embarrassing part of all, was a necessity that couldn't be helped. He just wanted to lay on his own. But that was not a good idea; then he would be doing nothing.

The lower part of his bed went down as Phil felt someone perch themselves on the edge precariously. Definitely PJ. He was very careful not to hurt Phil at any cost, mentally or physically. There was a short silence, in which Phil considered moving, but thought better of it; both he and PJ knew that he was not normally a light sleeper, and being disturbed by a small movement was nothing for normal Phil's sleep pattern. He kept as still as possible.

"Phil, come on. We need to be up" PJ said a little loudly, while gently shaking Phil's good shoulder. Phil mumbled something. "You said so Phil, we need to get up and meet the police today... it'll help them if we tell them what we know..." Phil remember saying this, and allowed to be help to sit up. It felt degrading, but he had to do it. He had promised that they should go to the police and tell them more about Dan. Give a picture, describe him, where he could go, even his state of mind before the 'incident'.

That's what they called it. Incident. Just like some random 'incident' you would see on the news. It didn't feel real to Phil yet. As he stepped up, he felt the usual shooting pains from his leg, which began to look very bruised. He had to keep it elevated when he slept, but the tossing and turning did not help. It was just a nightmare, day in day out. The pain was a constant, and was winding itself into being part of Phil's daily routine, and was almost reassurance that he was still in the same situation as yesterday.

This morning, PJ had done exactly what he had done for the last couple of days. He had pulled down all the cereals from the shelf so he could reach them, moved the other breakfast things into more suitable place and make everything needed generally more reachable for Phil. This was the reason why Phil had so much respect for PJ, because he understood that Phil didn't want to be babied and taken care of, but still made the surroundings more appropriate so Phil could at least be independent in a more reasonable way. He didn't want his cereal already in a bowl, but Phil liked the idea of being able to reach his cereal, which was a subtle way of knowing he was understood.

"I'm going to go tidy up a little, its getting messy in the other room..."

PJ knew Phil also like his own company, although he also much appreciated PJ's too. Especially today, knowing that Phil would have to look for a good photo of Dan, and then relive all the events he could possibly remember from Dan's life. Today would daunting in its own way, Phil wanted to be alone on this event.

PJ left the room, and Phil glared down at the rainbow of breakfast he had just poured. There was a small spillage of milk on the table, where Phil's hands had shaken so bad the milk had missed the bowl completely. Other than that, he had done quite well with steadiness. But Phil could not appreciate his achievement. The food looked incredibly dismal, and made his stomach turned slightly at its unnatural flakes of flavour. But he had to eat, or he wouldn't have the energy to last today, or what was left of it, as he glanced at the clock and realised that it was now 2:30pm.

The times of the day had begun to really lose their meaning, and whether it was day or night, Phil would be aware, always aware that at any point there could be news. 2pm could just as easily be 2am, and nothing could change but the colours of the sky. It was as if time was at at stand still.

Half way through the cereal, and the phone began to ring from the room. Phil tried to get up, but thought better of it. He was anxious to know who was on the receiving end of the phone, but rushing to get it was not a good idea, as he would not make it there.

"I'll get it!" Called PJ, instantly reading Phil's mind. Phil listening carefully, but all he hear was mumbling and shuffling. It could be anyone right now. Phil remembered the events of yesterday; they had rushed up to the phone in fear as it rung innocently. Yet it had only been some advertising company, something about double glazing. But the wasted anticipation had left Phil feeling sick, watching PJ slam the reciever down in frustration.

_It'll be nothing. _

_Just a friend. Or an advert. _

Silence followed the ceasing movement along the hall way, and Phil listening very closely, no less interested in what really was happening. It was heart wrenching to know that it really could be the call that changed the game. It could be the one. But it probably isn't.

Phil dropped back into his seat, and sighed. The likelihood if it being that important was not a good chance. _It would be nothing_, he thought.

Silence.

And then-

"Phil," said PJ in a rushed voice "Time to go." He grabbed his coat, and helped Phil up, wo was already dressed for going out.

"Wait, what? Where are we going?" Phil felt confused, as if he had just woken up.

"We" PJ paused, to catch is breath "are going to find Dan."

_**Leave me a review, Please! :)**_


	10. Identity

**Hey there, still struggling to type and it has slowed everything down, and school work is slowly getting bigger and bigger each day, but I am going to stick to my plans, and in fact going to start uploading at 7Pm instead of 8pm, making it easier to get home and get things done.**

**Not so much to say this time, but I'm glad you guys are enjoying it and I am creating new ideas for future stories right now so I can make more. The piece of music that inspired this chapter was Lux Aurumque by Eric Whitacre, the band version. I know its not really every bodies sort of music, but it helps me be creative. I think I'm going to start including the songs that helped me write the Chapters in too.**

**Thank you for everyone of has given me so much support, its been amazing.  
**

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Chapter 10

Phil felt sick.

Numbness drowned his body as he clambered into the car of a taxi. He could not feel his pain anymore.

Lights flashed by, it was daylight. Phil could not comprehend the world around him. It was just a blur.

_This could not be happening._

The only real feeling inside him was hope. Phil did not know what he was going to see. Nor did he want to think of that. Over the phone, they had not been given much hope or help. There was no understanding what the next few hours could hold. It was like a game. Or a gamble. The chances where there, however fair. Yet the odds could be in your favor, yet they may not.

It was win or lose.

Pain and loss, versus hope and gain.

They would not appear until proven, and it would take ultimate determination to face the facts.

Although Phil had been so hopeful in the last few days in order to fuel his capability to go on, now was the moment where he realise that chances where thinning, and he had maybe been too optimistic about everything. Hope was running out, and he could do nothing about it. Reality had hit at the last moment, and now it seemed all too real to be true. I just couldn't be.

Within moments, they were both in the familiar hospital halls, Phil going as fast as he could, slipping and falling, finding the right ward in which they were asked to go to. He really began to feel sick, as his stomach jumped. Thoughts began to pour into his head, but he shut them out. He couldn't think that way.

PJ pushed a heavy looking door wide open and pulled Phil through. Unlike Phil, PJ had become more hopeful that something good would actually happen. For days there had been nothing, and now there was the chance that everything could change. Dan could be okay, life could become normal again. Not just for Dan and Phil, but for him too; PJ would stop blaming himself for what happening. He felt that he could have done more, but didn't. Now he could see that it wasn't so bad.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

They ran, or limped, to the small cluttered desk, where a young man was seated. When he glanced over, he immediately stood up and moved towards them in a swift movement. He carried a large file under his arm, and wore the light blue uniform.

"Are you looking for someone?" He asked politely, glancing at Phil's leg, which was still in its suffocating brace.

"Yeah, ummm... someone called earlier and told us to be here." The man didn't look any more aware of what was happening. "We're here to see someone called Dan Howell."

And suddenly they were led straight from the open ward, through some doors until they reached a room, tucked away in the corner. Before they entered the room, the doctor gestured towards the chairs along the wall

"Wait here, I'll be just a moment, there's someone who wants to see you first."

They both sat down, and stared at the wall ahead of them.

"You know, Phil, it can't be serious... they wouldn't take us here if..." PJ stopped there, knowing the next phrase wouldn't help, but it didn't go unnoticed.

"If what?" Asked Phil, voice as cold as stone.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." Replied PJ, realising his mistake.

"Tell me, what was you going to say." His voice icy.

"I didn't mean anything by it, just didn't realise that I was going to say it. We are in a hospital, not a morgue. It's not what you're thinking." He realised that he must have sounded horrid to Phil, but his eyes remained the same. There was a long awkward silence where neither of them knew what to say.

"I'm sorry," Said Phil, "I'm just feeling a little stressed really."

"I understand, don't be sorry. I probably should have worded it better."

"It's not your fault either..."

Neither of them spoke again, until the doctor came back, followed by another man in a suit. He had the appearance of a man who was in charge, from the way he dressed to the way he walked, this was the man who was here to talk.

"Hi, would you two like to come through to my office?" As if he held a deep secret, the man spoke in a calm and reluctant voice, but almost reassuring. Phil felt confused.

"But... aren't we here for... to see-"

"Yes, but I think it would be... wise to discuss the circumstances first, with respect to how you are feeling right now, it might help with understanding both of your current situations." This man looked down for a moment at both of them, who looked completely taken aback from the piece of useless information they were just told. "Why don't we head to my office now, and I can talk everything through."

Moments later Phil found himself sat inside a very big office, with the weak sunlight pouring through the windows guarded with bars. The were some pretty plain pictures dotted along the wall, and a clear desk, where the man sat. On his badge, PJ noticed that it said 'Consultant Phillips'.

"I know these last few days have been confusing, and I wont tell a lie; they're about to get even more confusing," Phil and PJ glanced at each other "but I come with both good and bad news."

"The good news is, we do have someone here, who we believe to be Dan Howell."

"Wait," interrupted PJ, feeling heat rise to his head "you say someone... you mean to say that you don't know who this person is? That there's a chance it might not be Dan?" It looked straight In the consultants eye, who shifted uncomfortably and tried to turn his attention to Phil, who was glaring to his feet.

"Well yes, and no. Let me explain; this man who we have, he was found in damp clothing, and from the report I received, you were near water, and if Dan was not found in that area, I am almost certain that he would have fell into the water. Thus telling us that he would have been pulled a short distance before finding some refuge. Am I correct so far from your perspectives?"

They both nodded.

"Furthermore, the description we received of Mr. Howell is a very close match to the man we took in a few days ago." Phillips did intend to carry on talking, but he was cut short.

"Why has it took so long to identify him, if he was found days ago?" It was the first time Phil had spoken since being in the room. His voice was weak and shaking; this was not what he was expecting at all.

"Good observation, but when this man came in, he was not in a very good state, he had many contusions and cuts. We couldn't have recognized him if he had known him personally. It's taken a couple of days because we wanted to focus on the more serious problems first, before clearing the less serious injuries."

He looked down at his hands momentarily, before sighing and standing up, to the surprise to PJ and Phil, who had not seen any obligation to follow.

"Before I can go on, I need to know if it really is who we think he is. I cant tell you anything more if you don't know him. I'm going to take you through now, I need you to be prepared for it though, as it may be quite a shock for you." He opened the door, and waited for them both to exit before making his way back to where they were waiting before; right next to the door.

They hadn't taken much notice of this door when they were waiting, because they hadn't any idea of what it might hold. It didn't seem an interesting door, anything with significance, because of his lack of windows for viewing, with the only one being a windows on the door, with a dark tint to block out others lives.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Questioned the Professor. He gave Phil and PJ a sense of uncertainty, but they would have to face this some time. They both nodded. "Okay, I just need to know if you him..."

So with a sense of uncertainty, and a stomach of nerves, they both looked at each other.

PJ and Phil stepped into the room, holding their breath.


	11. Survival At It's Worst

**OMG I can't believe I've got over 1000 views on this story! I know I don't have as many followers or favorites, but its amazing to see how many people have even glanced at my work just once. I never came here for the attention of others; that was never my intention, but never would I have imagined a year ago that I would see the traffic graph and have such wonderful reviews and know that people actually want to read my work, its just simply amazing. **

**Anyway, over with this soppy mood, I think everything might be about to change with this story, I just hope that it's not too predictable for you guys. A lot of it is being a little rushed at the moment, because I'm having a lot of writers block and struggling to decide on the next steps of the characters. But everything will be uploaded on time no matter what :) **

**BTW, this chapter was inspired by Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata (I know its old, but certainly a wonderful piece of music)**

_**Update: I seriously recommend anyone who is enjoying this/enjoys Phan fiction, to go read 'Take My Hand' by TheMetaBard, who is writing such an amazing story right now. They mentioned me in their own Fan Fiction, and it make me so happy. I really enjoy their work and think everyone else will to, so go over there and check it out, You wont regret it!**_

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Chapter 11

_My eyes have stung for as long as I can remember. I was at home, I remember, and my eyes just hurt. And now they seemed worse. Mum said that they would "That's why you never put soap in you eyes..." Yeah, mom. I already knew that one, thanks for reminding me though. Urgh, sometimes she would really get on my nerves. I know she cares. Too much. All the time. Urgh. _

_I don't remember getting into bed though. This really felt weird. It felt like such a long time ago sticking my head under the cold water just to scrub out the acidic soap. I must have been tired. I can't remember why. _

_It was really quiet in here. I couldn hear anything; no cars or people, not even my mother talking to herself in front of the TV. Not that that was a bad thing, she always spoke to all the people on the gaming show, even though they couldn't hear her. Absolutely pointless. But this was true silence. There was nothing to it anymore. I couldn't understand – what was going on? _

_Figuring that it really didn't help laying here while my eyes fried, I tried to peel myself off my bed. _

_Nothing _

_I didn't even manage to move a muscle. _

_It wasn't that I was too tired, or that my body hurt too much (I was quite sore, I must admit) I just. Couldn't. Do it. _

_What in the world was going on? I just wanted to move. My head wouldn't separate from the pillow; its softness wasn't disturbed for one moment. My arms lay useless at my sides, and my legs like dangling earrings. They just refused to move. I tried to breathe, just to sigh, but it wasn't in my control either. I just inhaled. Exhaled. What in the world was happening? My eyes glued shit, my fingers etched into one shape, no response. What the hell? This had to be a dream. It had to be! There was no way that this could happen in real life. _

_At this point I began to panic, as I realised that I really couldn't move. It was hell. I began to choke, but I could not respond, I couldn't even cough to stop what was choking me. I just couldn't breathe anymore, I tried to shout, yet my mouth remained still. I could feel the blood rushing around my body. _

_There was nothing I could do. _

_My throat began to close, and as I lay there, internally screaming, I realised that on the outside, people would just see me calmly laying their, as peaceful as the moon. _

_They would have no idea what was happening anymore, I was the only one who knew, and now I would have to accept my fate... _

**Phil P.O.V **

We walked into the room, and the first thing I noticed was how dark and warm it was in here. Looking shyly across to the window, I noticed that the blinds where shut, only allowing slithers of light through. The lights were very dimmed, only shining from the monitors that lined the walls, leading up to a bed, which was just obscured by a few nurses, the consultant, and PJ, who stopped dead in his tracks.

I could hear a lot of movement, people talking and machines sounding their alarms, but I dare not look. I was worried both that it would and would not be Dan. I hoped maybe it would be him, because I needed to know he was safe, that he was okay. On the other hand, I felt that I couldn't bear to see me best friend in such a predicament. It would tear me apart to see him hurt, and know that he was pained. It was not the reunion I hoped for. I began to feel nauseous, as the heat became too much and the atmosphere too tense.

"What's happened?" Cried the consultant, who had rushed to the top of the bed, giving me a chance to see the occupant of the bed.

"Started to panic, heart rate went through the ceiling, consequently caused him to choke. Just clearing the airway now." Replied a nurse, who was applying a mask to the man's face, as I watched on.

"Seems to be better, any signs of consciousness?" He replied. I felt my stomach dropping slowly.

"Not much, but better than before. Eyes began to flicker, and he started to support his own breathing. With think he may have moved his hands once or twice, but that could have just been an uncontrolled reaction."

As I stepped forward, the room went silent.

"Phil, it's okay..." PJ tried to soothe me, but I wasn't listening.

My eyes were intently focused on the bed, at the man now laying limp under the tugged sheets, wires coming from his arms and neck and chest, connected to the monitors that lined the walls.

On his face, there was a mask that obscured most of his lower face, but the rest was very visible. The man's hair was swept back, allowing us to see the grazes and bruises that marked his head like tattoo.

But beyond all the marks and mask and people, Phil knew who he was. He could have recognized that face anywhere, even when they still looked like a stranger. There was no mistaking the shape of his face, or those eyes or the color of his hair. My worst fears had been confirmed.

It was Dan.

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_**Thank you everyone for all your support. I need it right now, everything you guys have said has pulled me through some stuff, even if you didn't know it. **_


	12. At Deaths Door

**Hi! I'm glad I got all the boring parts over with now, with all the leading up to the moment and the cliffhangers and such. But now it's actually beginning to happen, its going to be somewhat more interesting. I can't wait to write it and hope that it's better now. I'm going to get back into the P.O.V idea again, now all my characters have been reintroduced to the plot. Makes sure you know which character I'm talking about, I know it can get a little confusing at times. **

Chapter 12

Dan's P.O.V

I couldn't breathe.

It was so dark and I couldn't breathe.

The blood rushed heavily past my ears, blocking out the voices. They seemed to just be the echoes I usually heard, yet almost silent, like a whisper. Amongst the roaring, I couldn't decipher what they were saying this time. I was too focused on my oxygen deprived lungs, which screamed internally by creating immense crushing pain. Bit I could do nothing.

It wasn't anything that I could control. I couldn't focus anymore. The voices, the roaring; they were becoming quieter. It felt such a long time that I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't manage it any longer. The lack of breath had seeped all the power out of me and my mind, and I wanted to give up.

Take me away.

Let this pain end.

I cant bear this anymore.

Just end this.

"Please... Dan... Stay" I hear a voice, stronger than any others, oddly familiar, burst through the numbness.

Suddenly, my throat was released of its monstrous torture like snapping an elastic band, and my eyes sprang open.

Bright lights above me blinded me, and I began to breathe again.

**Phil P.O.V**

I cant stand to watch this, but I couldn't do anything about it. There was not escaping the pain that was displayed right in front of me. I had already rushed to Dan's side, and knew that I was in a position where I would not have a choice anymore. I would have to support fan as much as possible owe, because beyond anything else, he really would need me.

Dan's face was as white as the bed sheets surrounding him, although it was partly obscured by the mask that a woman held to his face.

"Don't worry, this is just going to help him breathe again." The woman tried to reassure me, but I couldn't reply, feeling nauseous and dizzy. There was just too much to think about. This couldn't be happening. My best est friend, the only person I could really turn to, fighting for his life. Heck, he wasn't even breathing. I felt my stomach drop through the floor. he had stopped minutes before, causing chaos in this minuscule room.

He was going to die. Right here, in front of me, and all I could do was stand and watch, as these people rushed about him, fighting for him, doing what they did best for the one person in my life he a cold depend on. I didn't want to lose that. Not now. Not ever. I needed him.

No. He needed me.

More than ever, more than I could even comprehend. His life was my only salvation, and I couldn't live without that.

Let this torture end.

Leave him alone.

Let him live.

He deserves to live his life like the rest of us.

I stepped forwards anxiously, my whole body shaking. I took his cold, clammy hand. I held it gently. I wanted him to know I was there. That I wouldn't ever, ever leave his side, for as long as I lived.

"Please..." I spoke, my voice stronger than I had expected, which caused a few heads to turn.

"Dan..." My voices grew weaker, feeling paranoid that everyone would hear me, everyone but Dan.

"Stay..." This time, my voice finally faltered, as I bowed my head in defeat, knowing the true outcome of what really was about to happen. I could not watch this anymore.

It was over...

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**Sorry that this was a little short; there's more to come!**


	13. The Vow

**Here we are at Chapter 13! I really can't believe it's getting as far as this, and it's one of my favorite things to do; sit here and write this (as opposed to writing about the Sociological impact of and concept of Global Culture). Probably should prioritize homework first, but this is better! **

**If you're reading this, and have any suggestions, or are enjoying what I'm writing, please leave me a review, it really gets me super motivated, meaning I get more done in more time, and want to upload quicker. Thanks!**

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Chapter 13

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I did not dare look up. Not until I heard the strangest of sounds. That was when my eyes shot open, and I stumbled back in shock. The woman who was leant over Dan sprung back too, removing the mask, and started calling his name.

My whole body was numb, I couldn't find my feet to do anymore but stare, as his chest began to heave, and Dan coughed and spluttered back to life.

As if hope was on our side, Dan was breathing again. I felt PJ double over behind me in relief. I could have done the same, but it wouldn't have worked out too well with my leg.

"It's okay now, we have him now and we are going to do everything in our power to keep him alive." The consultant spoke in relief, moving around to help PJ, who had stayed with his head in his knees. "come on, I have somewhere for you both to sit if you nee-"

"No... no I have to stay here." I piped up, finding my voice once again. It was difficult enough to stand in front of him, but to leave Dan at his most vulnerable; that would be the worst decision of my life. I would never let this happen again, and that effort would start now.

"Are you sure?" He asked, with a reassuring arm around PJ, who had stood and was looking as white as the walls. "We have somewhere for you to take time out if need be, anyway... Come on, lets get you a drink..." They left the room, whilst I remained rooted in one position.

I know that there was not much that I could do, just standing here. He wasn't up to talking, that was for sure, and there definitely wasn't much I could provide for him now because it was all here. My mind just felt like my eyes were deceiving me. As if this couldn't be real. Like a dream. But it was real.

I took a deep breath in, and stepped towards Dan, whose eyes were shut. A woman was still hung over his head, and carried on gently calling his name. I let go of one of my crutches and reached towards his hand. A million thoughts raced through my head. Some of me said I told you he wou,d be okay, and that it couldn't be the end.

But other parts were insisting that it would be the end, and Dan wanted it to be that way. I didn't know what side to choose anymore. If he survived or if he didn't, it would be the same pain.

Wouldn't it?

My hand grasped a little too tightly around his hand, because I needed him to know I was there.

I needed Dan to know it was me. I was there.

I held his hand tightly because I needed him to understand that I wouldn't have any reason to let go.

_I promise to you Dan, that this will not be the end. _

_I promise that there will be no way that we can fall apart because of what has happened. _

_I promise to be here for you more than ever, whenever. I don't care what for or why. _

_But most of all, I promise to you, Dan, that you will never be alone. Never. _

_Not as long as I live. _

_Because to get through this, _

_It takes two._

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**Sneaky play on words there, eek! Please leave a review/favorite/follow to be alerted when I upload again.**


	14. Waking Point

**Hi again! Hope that this is not getting boring or anything, it's really hard to write with all my school assignments making me realize that A-Level is quite hard, and that I really need to complete that before I write this... Too late! Please leave a review if you're liking this so far, thank you to those who are hear reading this now, you are the people who keep me going. Thanks for coming on this journey with me! Enjoy! :)**

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**Chapter 14**

"So what we have deduced from his injuries," Started Dr. Phillips, peering over his glasses. His dusty shade of hair was held back in outrageous amounts of hair gel, and his face showed signs of many years of experience. His eyes looked tired, even though it was only 11 am. "is that Dan has suffered a lot of brain damage. And in many cases of head injuries and concussions, we find that there can be some short term and long term damage."

Phil glanced up, meeting the sympathetic gaze of Dr. Phillips, already knew what was about to happen. He was going to get bad news, have to be asked if he felt okay or needed to have some time alone, then discuss the next steps in moving forward. Same old.

Its all that had happened to Phil all week long. First the bad news that Dan was here. Then that he would not be awake soon. Then he would have many Physical limitations if the healing process was so slow as it was now. And then this.

"What type of damage?" Phils voice was almost used to this by now, having to sound strong to hide his pain. They wouldn't only see him as weak if he didn't appear to be strong.

"Certainly in many head injuries we find that there can be some form of memory loss. Now, the memory can be very strange, and we can't tell at this moment how serious it may be, or even if Dan is suffering from any memory problems, but that would be something to be proud of if he could get away with no internal head injuries.

"The first stages we would expect to see would be short term memory loss, meaning that he may have lost his memory from the last few weeks or maybe months, but it would come to back to him eventually. Normally in the case of a traumatic event, we find the memory tends to push that specific trauma to the unconscious mind, so he may not remember his accident at all, and may not know what happened for a long time."

"I thought that..." Gulping to hold back his emotions, Phil continued " that there could be long term too? Is that what he's got? I just... I don't understand..." He looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact again.

"Yes, that is another part of memory loss that he could experience. I understand that it sounds more serious, and can be perceived just as bad, but it's probably as bad as Short term memory. The reason it looks so bad, is that someone may be missing large parts of their memory, from both recent to earlier memories. This can include names and relationships with others, so it's completely natural that someone like yourself will go through feeling that Dan is in a bad position if he couldn't recall his own name. But the upside to this is that there is a higher chance of him regaining his memory because there will be a lot of stimulus that may remind him, and in that case, once one memory comes back, the rest tend to follow fairly quickly."

Phil's face drained of color, as the possibilities of Dans future began to set in stone.

Not remember his name... this was the worst of it all.

All the other injuries dan had; they could heal over time. Phil knew he could support Dan, like PJ had done with him. The struggle to move, that was the easy part.

But waking up, and not knowing who you were...

What if he couldn't remember me? Would he still let me help him? Would he push me away because I was no longer a person to him?

Phil began to feel that the task would be too much for him, but Dr. Phillips put his mind at rest.

"Don't let this worry you right now. We don't know what's happening until he wakes up, and it inst amways worst case scenario. We are here to help you both, and if he has any problems with his memory we can provide any support to get it back as soon as possible. Please don't fear the worst, it might not be as bad as you think."

"Thank you." Phil began to get up, receiving the same familiar shooting pain in his leg. Before he could leave he was spoke to one last time.

"Phil, if you need any help with his, mentally or Physically, then you should know help is always here for you. You can talk anytime."

"Thanks, I think... I think I'm okay right now."

That wasn't necessarily true, thought Phil as he walked away from the dreaded room. He knew that he wasn't okay. That was certainly the main reason why he could not sleep at night, or even talk to anybody in any sense anymore. But what he did know what that he couldn't ask for help, because his life was not at risk. He didn't need help unlike many of the other people here. They needed it more that Phil, and he couldn't allow himself to take away their help for himself. He knew he had be the strong person here.

Phil rounded the corner, and entered the familiar doors, to see Dan's mother perched on the edge of her chair, holding an alarming amount of tissues.

"Hi, Mrs. Howell." I said, stifling a yawn. She looked up in surprise, clearly lost in her own world.

"Oh, hello there Phil." Her eyes looked tired and swollen. Phil noticed this and looked down at his hands. "You must be tired, being here all the time, you should get some sleep." Mrs. Howell carried on softly, stuffing the tissues up her sleeve and standing to look at Phil properly.

Hus eyes hung heavy, with his black hair a ruffled mess. Phil hadn't got any sleep for days, and he had tried to hide that too, but it seemed that it too was difficult to hide.

"I'm okay... it's just been a long day really..." Phil's voice cracked a little bit.

"Hmm... at least go home, chill out for a while, you look... well its just tiring being here, let me tell you. Don't let it get the better of you, dear." She looking caringly into Phils heavy eyes, laden with black bruised eyes.

"I know its probably wise that I go home, but I hope you don't mind... if I stay here for a little while," Mrs. Howell's eyes widened in that sort of mother way that made you think about the next few words you were about to say "but I promise I will go home later. And I'll rest properly too. I promise."

Her gaze settled a little, but Mrs. Howell was still unsure whether she would believe Phil, yet she let him off this once.

"Well, seeing as you're being so kind as to still do what I'm asking, I'll go out for a little while, so you have sometime." Phil smiled gratefully "But if I come back here and you're still here for whatever reason, there's gonna be trouble." Her cheeks tugged as she smiled and her cheeks dimpled just like Dans.

Phil smiled too, before he was smothered into a hug where Mrs. Howell's head barely reached his chin. It still made Phil feel loved at that moment, and that he was not alone in this.

Suddenly, Phil was alone in the room again.

It was still dark in there, with all the lights dimmed, which dimmed the moods of any soul who entered the room too. Nothing had changed too much either. The sheets remained undisturbed most of the time, due to the lack of movement in the bed. The machines bleeped relentlessly, occasionally fluctuating and settling. The traffic outside beeped along furiously, reminding those inside that life carried on going moving, even if they weren't.

Phil moved into the room unsteadily. He was still very reliant on his crutches, which made him even more unbalanced than he already was. Managing to reach the bed, Phil collapsed into the chair, dropping his eyes and his crutches at once, and finally feeling like he was at home, and he wasn't talking about the familiarity of the hospital or the nurses who would bob in and out the room.

No, he was thinking about how he felt with Dan. Dan was the person who had been there for him, not just through his worst and best, but all the time. It felt unnatural to not have him by Phil's side. It was crazy stupid, but its true. And being next to Dan, just 2 feet away, it was just bliss to know that this time the tables had been turned and that this time it was Phil who looked after dan.

His eyes creeped open and he gazed on Dans peaceful, yet motionless face. It was once again obscured by a mask, 'helping him breath'. The rest of it was just what you'd expect really. The wires, the noises, the silence. It was all there, just like some hospital drama.

There was something just settling, yet unsettling being so close to him. Like Phil knew that he was finally there, in reach of his friend when he needed help, but it made him feel uneasy that he was next to a man who would might not even know his best friend, his own mother, his own name. He wouldn't know who he was or where he was, just that he existed. How strange that would be. It made Phil feel even worse thinking about it.

Phil leant forward towards dan, and held his hand; the only thing Phil felt he could really do to help in this situation, knowing that he would ne no help anywhere else.

"My promise is still the same, you know?" Phil's eyes looked straight at Dan's face, which carried on its motionless pursuit.

"I don't want to break that. Ill stay as long as you need." He did not move.

"I wish I knew if you could really hear me, it killing me, just talking to a canvas. I know you're really there though. You have to be. It just takes time."

Phil sighed and looked away, as emotions disguised as tears rose in his face like flames, before pouring gently down his cheeks. He smiled to himself and glanced away.

"Silly me, talking to you, and you probably don't even know im here..."

Dan's hands shifted a little in Phils palm, causing Phil to leap onto his feet and almost lose balance in pain. He half limped to Dan's head, which was gently contorting in discomfort.

"Dan! Dan, it's me, open your eyes!"

Phil looked down on the once again motionless face, realizing his mistake; Consultant Phillips had said that he would maybe move a little, but might now come around. It was nothing, just a movement of the muscles, keeping him alive. Totally expected. Nothing new.

Dan's heart began to race again.

Hes fingers twitched, and muscles contorted.

And then, Dan's eyes fluttered open.

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**Please leave a review to tell me how I'm doing, and follow/favorite to be alerted when I upload my next chapter! **


	15. Who am I?

**Hope that everybody is enjoying this so far, it's been really cool writing this and see what you all have to say to me, it's been just so nice. I've just started a YouTube channel, and it would be really cool if you guys could check it out. I'll leave the links to my Channel and my first upload at the bottom of this chapter. Thanks!**

**Chapter 15**

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The lights above me were so blinding. Seriously, my eyes felt like they had not seen light for days.

I tried to move my arms, but nothing happened. Just a lot of pain. Shooting from my fingertips, to my back, which ached constantly. I felt pain stretching across my chest, and I tried to grimace in pain, but nothing happened.

The room I was in, as blinding as it may have been, began to swirl and flicker, as my mind rushed through everything that wasn't there, and my heart seemed to be beating as loud as my thoughts as it quickened and fell into panic mode. But I was still unable to move, feeling the rushing adrenaline bursting through my body like a burst water pipe.

And then I exhaled.

The relief of breathing brought my to move again, and I felt immediate comfort in letting the cool oxygen flow through my lungs. My vision focused again, as I blinked many times, to find myself staring straight at someone, who at first appeared to be floating above me. That was until I realised that I was laying down, feeling the warmth of the bed beneath me.

As the vision in front of me cleared, I began to focus on the man in front of me. He had really dark hair, almost black, in contrast to his skin, which was as pale as paper. He had a thin face and rather large eyes. I did not know who this man was, or what he was doing, hovering above me, but I could not hear what he was trying to say to me, his words were jumbled up in my mind, and I could not make no sense of what he was saying.

With all my effort I focused my mind on his mouth, trying to decipher the jumble of words that I could not even hear. It was as if I was floating underwater. There was a silence but you can still hear small echo's of those around you.

And then it came back to me, the sound, the voice, his voice.

The man was almost shouting, still above me, with his brow furrowed. I concentrated more.

"Dan! Talk to me, please. You're scaring me! Don't do this to me!"

I did not know what he was saying, or who he was saying it to. It all seemed so confusing. My eyes flicked across the room, finding my surroundings as they were finally in view. I had no idea where I was. The room was dim, darkened by the pulled blinds and the lights , which were not so bright anymore, as well as being concealed by the man's face. I opened my dry mouth and inhaled.

"Who... Who are you?" I expected my voice to be strong, but it was barely a whisper. I felt soreness stretching along my throat.

His eyes seemed to widen even more as he stepped back in fear.

"It's me... don't you remember? Please tell me y-you know..." His voice struggled and shook before he could finish his sentence. My heart raced as I felt a mixture of confusion and guilt hit me. I should know who he is, according to what he was saying. I should know his name, and how he knows me. But I don't. He's just a stranger to me. "Don't worry... I-I'll go get the... they need to know."

And with that, he ran out the room, leaving me feeling sick and guilty.

Who am I?

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**I'm sorry this was a little short, I've not had as much time to do this as I've been overloaded with work for the half term holidays.**

**Please check out my brand new YouTube channel under the name of Eden Gibson, and my first Video, which is a composition called Written for Tyler Oakley.**


	16. We Didn't Ask For This

**Hi guys! Thanks for those who have followed this story in the past week, and everybody else who has followed/Favorited/reviewed. Your support has been amazing, and it's why I'm now at chapter 16 already. I know that upload times are beginning to vary these days, because of various other time constraints, such as shit loads od school work, my actual job, and now driving lessons, as it is my birthday on Sunday the 1st (YAY!). I hop people are enjoying this so far – know I always say that, but I can't stress enough how important it is. **

**I will remain to my three day schedule, at 7pm, but these times can vary depending on what time I have left and what I need to do at the time; I do not want to put myself under stress, so I will do the work that is compulsory first, and then this. Please leave a review if you enjoy this chapter and follow/favorite to be alerted when I upload new Chapters.**

**Furthermore, I'll be uploading my next chapter on Sunday, which is my 17th Birthday. The plan is to upload as normal, but that might change if I am going out that night. If there is, expect the new chapter at 9pm latest that Sunday, or at 7pm on the Monday. (This is British time zone, I'm sorry for all you guys reading from America, as there's so much of my stats telling me that most of my readers are from there)**

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**Chapter 16**

Dan P.O.V

"Can you tell me your name?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know where you are?"

"In a hospital, considering my surroundings."

"What's today's date?"

"I-I'm not sure, really..."

"Not even a year?"

I was sat up now, in the suddenly overheated room, with quite a few people around me. I felt a little under pressure. I did not recognize these people, but I guess that's what happens the first time you meet someone. They were all wearing the same uniforms, apart from a man and a woman, who seemed very important, in their smart clothes.

I hadn't any time to think when the man with black hair left, as moments later all these... strangers burst in, fussing about me and talking in what seemed to be another language, but really was just lots of words I could not even comprehend in the rush. I was sat up, and the woman in the smart clothes walked up to me and sat down, and then asked me these questions. It felt as if I was being interrogated.

"I... errm... I can't decide... it's not clear." My mind was a mess. Memories flooded in and out of my mind, of home and my parents. But they seemed so hazy, so distant. As if they hadn't happened for years.

"Don't worry, it will come back to you, we will help that happen."

"I don't understand..." My voice cracked a small bit, as I tried to hold my fears. The woman looked up at me, slightly confused herself.

"What's wrong?"

"I just... why am I here? What's going on? Please tell me."

A few of the others busied themselves around me, and the lady sat in front of me leant back in here chair a little. He blonde hair was pinned up in a ponytail, and he glasses sat on contrast on he pale face. She had such a small figure, as compared to the man who stepped forward, who was tall and business like. They both wore similar tags. 'Consultant G. Phillips' was the first to speak.

"Well, I'm sure we both can talk to you about that. We understand that you may not remember any of these events, so don't worry if you cant, it will come back to you soon, I'm sure." He stood by 'Doctor I. Cooper', who nodded in agreement, and looked me in the eye reassuringly. I looked back up at the balding man, who looked rather sullen and had less of a reassurance vibe.

"When your friend came here a few nights ago, we were made aware that another man had been involved in an incident. You both had apparently fallen over the edge of a wall, which had quite a drop on the other side-"

"Friend? Who was it?" My eyes frantically searched their eyes, until dr Cooper leant forward and rubbed my hand reassuringly.

" Don't worry, we will get to that soon." She smiled at me, and I suddenly felt a little more at ease.

"As I was saying," Phillips continued, a little impatiently " there was quite a drop, which was next to quite a strong river. Whilst your friend missed the river and landed on the ground, you were unfortunate enough to land in the water, and had to have been pulled along with the currents and miraculously managed to reach dry land further along. We believe along the way you would have hit your head numerous times, which is a good explanation for your lack of memory. I must say, you are very lucky to be alive right now. It's something in my many years of experience that I have never come across where the victim has survived."

I looked down at my hands in because of what I had been through, but because it had dawned on me who the man with the black hair could have been. He was probably who the were talking about when they said "Your friend". He had to he must have gone through absolute hell, seeing me not even know who he was. He would be hurting even more than me.

"Well," started Phillips, clapping his hands together "I must be getting on now. I will leave you in the capable hands of Doctor Cooper. She will talk you through everything else for now and be your doctor for your stay here." And with that he walked out the door. I turned to the Doctor, trying to hide the fear in my eyes once again.

"Hey, don't worry about him," she smiled and made the room explode with warmth; the good kind "he can be a little grumpy, but he has your best interests at heart. I know there's a lot you probably don't understand right now, but I will talk you through everything as much as possible and answer your questions. You need anything – ask me." She smiled widely, and squeezed my hand again. I was so confused still. Everything was a mess. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what they had already told me. Why was this so difficult?

"So umm," I froze a little trying to iron out my thoughts before I strung my sentences together "This friend you keep saying, is he... the man... wh-with black hair? He was here before, and I didn't know who he was, and then he left." My eyes began to glaze over with the hot tears, which threatened to spill.

"His name is Phil," She waited hopefully, as if to see if the name brought any recollection, but it didn't, as a stared blankly back at Cooper. She noticed that I did not recognize the name either, and started to continue, but I jumped in.

"Where is he now? Can I talk to him?" I looked hopefully back, because all I wanted was to have part of me that I couldn't remember, because even though he's a stranger, I felt that his company more than anybody's would be better than anything right now.

"He's just taking some time out for now. Was quite a shock, I'm guessing. Very traumatic experience to go through at such a young age. Don't let that worry you right now. Let's just focus on you and your health, okay?" Doctor Cooper did not give me anytime to reply, and carried on immediately. "Now I'm very sure you have many questions right now, and it may be very distressing for you, too. But in treating you, we must avoid teaching you about yourself and what has happened, and prompt your mind to remember these things, rather than replacing them with what you learn. This means we will only be able to tell you things we feel are important to you, as if to give you your basic identity."

She placed her notes down on the end of the bed, and stepped towards me, making my face flush with color. "Please, whatever you do, do not let this get too much, my team and I are here for you, whenever you need us. Don't let yourself struggle with this." Doctor placed her hand on my arm sympathetically, and looked at me with a kind smile. "See, we aren't all grumpy and boring now, are we?" She laughed with a small tinkle of sound, and I laughed too, although I barely managed a sound with the soreness of my through and the searing pain in my chest. "We'll administer some more pain relief, to help with the pains, don't worry." Doctor Cooper swiftly stood to leave the room, going to collect her notes along the way.

I felt confused. So much more than before. Most of it was clear, why I was here, why I was this way. I understand that. I even understood the reasons why they couldn't tell me that much about myself.

What I didn't understand, was the final parts of what she had said. More as in the way she said it. 'Don't let yourself struggle with this'. What did that mean? Of course I wouldn't do that. They wanted to help. They were here to help. Why on earth would I ignore that? It could have just been innocent, but I just had the feeling there was some meaning, some... story behind that particular thing, and why she would have to mention it. I suddenly realized something that she missed, and pushed my head up as far as it would go.

"Hey, umm Doctor...Cooper? Err, I think, maybe, ummm... could I know my um, name?" She looked back at me, with the most shock filled face I could imagine, and hit her hand on her head.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I had almost forgotten, of course you can!" She stepped forward.

I waited, feeling my heart leap, as I held my breath for my first part of identity that I would know about myself.

"Your name is Dan."

And with that she left the room.

And I felt so alone.

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Phil P.O.V

I felt the blood rush to my head as I rounded the corner as fast as my crutches would allow. Looking around, I found myself in a secure and quiet part of the hospital, with nobody to disturb me.

Feeling my breath escaping with no retrieval, I lent against the cool wall, and slid down them, feeling fatigue building in my legs. There was no way I could do that again. Not a chance.

I thought I could do it. I really did. I thought that I could handle that he would not know me. That he would wake up and ask me who I was, why I was there. Something inside me, something insane and incredibly destructive, that managed to convince me that everything would be okay, and he would wake up and would just... accept I would be okay. That part of me was wrong. Like I had relived the moment many times, the picture was so vivid in my mind, that reliving it was worse than the real thing. The moment he's eyes opened. How he struggled to breathe. When he looked at me with eyes as blank as the walls surrounding, that was the part that tore me. That was the part that pulled me apart. That was when I realized that it was never going to be the same again.

Dan was never going to be the same again.

That was the certain part. He doesn't know anything, even as far back as we had known each other. I would manage that part. I was sure of it. He would get new memories. He's not a different person, he would learn to be my friend the same as he did before. Because we were compatible. Because we were alike.

The worst part was the sign of no recognition in his eyes. I remember his eyes used to glimmer, before any of this, before his room became his safe sanctuary, and the outside world a danger zone. When life was okay, when I would ask if he wanted to play Mario Kart, and his response would be "Hell yes, get ready to be slaughtered, Pheasant!" or something like that, in his highly competitive manner. I missed that, because the glimmer, the excitement was gone. He did not know me. I would miss that the most.

I knew I would have to face it all again, go back into that dreaded room and talk to him, let him know that I, a stranger, was there for him if he wanted it. If he didn't want my help, I don't know what I'd do, but that was all part of trying, and if I didn't try, I would never know.

My head fell into my hands, and I shook my head, as if to wipe the horrid thoughts from my mind.

And I felt so alone.

_Oh Dan. _

_What a mess we are in._

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**I'm really sorry that I made **_**Consultant Phillips **_**name and **_**Phil's**_** name similar; I totally did not notice this at all until now. Please make sure you read it properly in advance to avoid any confusion. Sorry! **


	17. Alone Again

**Okay! Here is chapter 17! And coincidentally enough, this chapter should be going up on my 17th BIRTHDAY. Coincidence? I think not! Anyway, not much to say, expect that this chapter was inspired by Right Here Right Now by Fatboy Slim. Also please leave a review if you're enjoying this story, or have any questions/things to say, and follow/favorite to be alerted when I upload a new chapter! Thanks so much!**

**BTW, I totally got to see Tyler Oakley yesterday and honestly he was the most amazing person ever, he was so kind and lovely, so if any of you guys get the chance to meet him, like a tour or anything, I actually suggest you do, you will not regret it!**

**Chapter 17**

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**Phil P.O.V**

It had only been a few minutes, but what felt like hours, since I sat in a puddle of my own thoughts in the abandoned corridor, when the doctor who had been introduced to us as Dan's new assigned Doctor found me. She came around the corner in a rush, smiling brightly as she always did in such an entrancing way, before almost tripping over my sprawled legs.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I hadn't seen you there," she beamed down at me, which might have been seen as may be pretentious by others, but we had understand that her nature was to smile constantly, even though she worked with people going through hell. Sometimes it was comforting; sometimes it was a little rude.

"Yeah, uh... don't worry, I chose to sit here. My bad." I tried not to sound so short, but I really didn't want any company other than my own. Especially someone who seemed to ignore a sad face.

"You know, I was looking for you," Doctor Cooper took an un-offered seat next to me on the cold ground, shuffling awkwardly in her pencil skirt. "We've spoke to Dan, and he knows about the incident, about you, and what's happened to him. Only what he needs to know." She noticed the shocked expression on my face, as I felt my stomach drop. "Don't worry, he took most of it really well, and actually asked for you. That's why I wanted to find you again. It might help him with you being there-"

"But he doesn't even know me! I'm a complete stranger to him..." I retorted, much more aggressively than I had originally planned.

"Yes, but he must realise that he is significant to you, and may want to resurface that connection. He doesn't understand what you're going through because he can remember, but I'm sure he wants to know how you are as much as any one of us here." I thought hard about what she said.

It was true; he didn't understand what I was going through. He didn't remember anything. No understanding of relationships or friendships, so he couldn't empathize with me. But he really wanted to sympathize. He wanted to be there for me, which was strange, because everyone seemed to treat him as a stranger more than he was with us.

At least try, Phil. You promised.

"Come on, then," Doctor Cooper finally spoke after a few moments in awkward silence. "I think he would like to see you, and you see him too. It'll be good for both of you."

"Does Mrs. Howell know?"

"Yes, she can't make it over yet,but she'll be over in the next hour or so. I suppose she wanted you to get some rest."

"Yeah but... I think I can manage a little longer. I just need to make a phone call, and then I'll go to see him, okay?" I looked hopefully at Doctor Cooper, who eyed me a little suspiciously for a moment, but then her face burst into an uncontrollable smile, and she nodded, pulling herself and I back up, as I had gotten myself stuck sitting on the ground.

"I'll let him know now, so he will expect you soon. Don't be too long." With that she swept back around the corner and Phil let out a long sigh. There was only one person he could call, because Jim, who apparently helped with them that night, was entranced in his new Documentary filming, and I wouldn't want to disturb that anymore than I already had. Tyler had also helped out too, greatly ruining his little visit, was back in America now so he wouldn't be able to help. The only person left now was the person who had been here for me, apart from the last few days. PJ had avoided me since we had found Dan, but I believed that could have just been to give himself and I some space and time to recuperate. He would be here for me, wouldn't he?

I dialed his number in my temporary phone, and waited for him to answer. It rung three times. And then cut off.

_PJ had just cut me off. _

Feeling slightly confused at this, I decided to text him, wondering If I had just disturbed something important. I typed the letters in as fast as my trembling hands would allow.

_**Phil: Hey Peej? You around? **_

_PJ:What's up? _

_**Phil: load of things have happened. Dan woke. Doesn't remember much. Or anything tbh. **_

_PJ: So... _

I froze at this point. Was... was pj being a little unfair, he seemed like he didn't care. Maybe is was just because we were texting...

_**Phil: umm I wondered if you come here, to the hospital. I'm quiet worried. Havent go anyone with me right now, have had anyone for the last few day.. **_

_PJ: look, I don't want to sound terrible or anything, but I don't think I should get involved anymore. You guys need each other. He won't even know who I am. I'm sure you will be okay, just let him get used to you first. _

_**Phil: okaay, just thought I needed someone around too, but doesn't matter now. **_

_PJ; Same, but I'm busy rn. Talk soon. _

I shoved the damned phone back in my pocket, feeling much more frustrated that I ever had before. I couldn't believe it. The only friend I had left had now abandoned me too. I was alone again, with no one to help me. No support for myself. Id just have to manage by myself.

_I'm sure you'll be okay... _

I rolled my head back against the wall, deciding against sliding back down, knowing I wouldn't get back up again by myself. Minutes passed again in silence, as I continued to mull over the thoughts again. I decided I had to reply one more time; for one last chance.

_One last chance PJ. _

_**Phil: but what if he doesn't want me there? What if he rejects me and doesn't like me? please PJ, I need your help..**_

For the rest of the day, I would find out that I would never get a response again.

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**Thanks everybody, I got absolutely amazing statistics last month! Sorry if the chapters do not go up on time; I have a lot of stuff going on now, including the addition of driving lessons, which started today!**


	18. Picking Up The Pieces

**Hi, thanks for everybody who has stayed this far, I'm getting there, slowly. I keep creating new ideas all the time and its making this immensly long, but it will become complete soon!It's been difficult to get time to write this work recently, due to my inability to access this whislt at school, and even if I could I know for sure that I wouldn't have anytime to do it whatsoever due to the sheer amount i have got to do now. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy! Please Follow/Favorite to be alerted when I upload next, and review to tell me if you're enjoying this so far, or tell me what I should do next.**

**Chapter 18**

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We sat in silence most of the time for the last few days. I suppose it was a little more awkward for him, not really knowing what to say. I glanced across at Phil, whose eyes were closed, but I knew he was not asleep; any time I moved or signed or anything, his eyes would fly open and he would reshuffle himself after being personally reassured that I was okay.

Doctor Cooper had already spoken to him about not introducing me to things that I couldn't remember as much as he could. So I could remember things, not learn them. It was a lost cause though. I would spend all the time I could looking at Phil, or my... mother. And I would concentrate so hard. So much so that I would get headaches all the time. I wasn't trying to be creepy, just trying to remember.

No matter what I did, that ebony shade of hair, and those striking blue eyes, or anything about him at all sparked no recognition. He still was a stranger, just like everybody else who came into this room. He was always here though, which is why I cared so much. He wouldn't leave my side, and would even try to convince my mother that he was okay to stay a little longer – it never usually worked, and he always ended up hugging me before he left, only to return a few days later, looking like he hadn't slept any better that he would have being here.

My mother too, she just didn't seemed to be even close to someone I would know. Same color hair as me, dark and curling at the ends. Same dark brown eyes, which I knew couldn't be any other than my mother; there was no mistaking that at all.

It was when I looked at myself (one of the ways they tried to help me remember things) that I felt at my lowest. The same brown eyes, dark shade of hair, the shape of my face.

I didn't recognize myself.

Nothing was ever familiar apart from the returning faces of my mum, Phil and that Doctor. They were all I knew, because they were now familiar. It was weird knowing that they all knew me much better than I knew myself, especially Phil, who I apparently lived with. Doctor Cooper didn't like that Phil told me that, giving him another small lecture about how I must retrieve, not re-learn, blah blah blah... but I was sort of glad that he told me. I knew he had to have been close to me; no one else seemed to be here but him, showing that he and my family were the ones to care the most. Yet I would never have guessed we were close enough as if to live with each other.

I had gathered we must have been living in the same flat for some time too, from how he told me, mentioning how lonely the flat was without me there. That part hurt the most, because I could see each and every emotion reflected in the creases of his tired face demonstrating how he really felt without how I used to be being there. I most definitely wasn't the same person anymore, even though I looked like the same person, and felt like I hadn't changed dramatically; but I wouldn't remember that, would I?

"I wish I could help, you know." I spoke out, feeling relieved that my voice was finally better. His eyes sprung open as expected, and found mine, which were focused on my shaking hands. I had thought about speaking all morning. Phil looked slightly disorientated.

"With... what?" He voice sounded sleepy, which made me feel really guilty; he must be too tired already.

"Well, I don't know. I mean I-I want to know how to help you, but I just don't know how. I don't remember how I could help you," I looked up to see tears spilling down his face. I continued before he could cut me off.

"but I want to know how. I want to help you. Please let me understand how to do that again. I want to be someone you recgonise again, rather than me sit here and see you in pain all day."

"There's not much you can do, really" this time he glanced down. " you didn't really bother me when I was down, you just let me come to you. I didn't like talking straight away."

I look into his eyes, seeing the pain growing by the second, emitting to my chest. Unknown to him, I felt that pain too. It was like deep in the heart, and I could feel it tearing me apart by the second.

"Please," I almost whispered, tears brimming in my own eyes. Why was I feeling pain for a man I didn't even know.

"In time... just let me think things out. It's hard on both ends; I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. I just need time. Being alone at home, it's really strange. I can't bear the silence but I really have to. I'm sorry if this doesn't help but I want to do this on my own for a little while."

We both glanced back down at our hands, feeling the silence louder than ever. I knew that this wouldn't have been a great idea. That's when the pain started.

It wasn't like any pain I had experienced before, and it reached from the top of my head and all the way down my back. It crawled along my ears and up my face, searing like hot water running through me. I threw my head into my hands and breathed in sharply, waiting for it to go, to pass. I couldn't focus on anything else around me at all, just the pain. the sounds around me, from me, began to echo and falter.

"Dan? Are you okay? Dan! Dan, talk to me! Wait let my get somebody!" He hear his footsteps run across the short distance to the door, but it was the last I heard.

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	19. You Are Never Alone Here

**Hope people are still enjoying reading this, I know that its going on for a while and I honestly dint plan for it to go on for this long. Please let me know what you think and favorite/follow to be alerted when I upload again! sorry I haven't got all that much to say today, nothing to update you guys on, enjoy :)**

**Chapter 19**

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_Dan P.O.V _

_My eyes peaked open, and I was suddenly blinded by the immense light blaring though the window. It took me a few attempts at waking up to find myself in a room. The walls were pure white and blank, only blotched every so often with pictures and... house plants? Weird. _

_I spun on my heel suddenly, as I heard voices slowly growing louder and clearer, as if someone was tuning in a radio. _

_"Heeeey! Whoa no! Stop cheating! That's so not fair!" Said one familiar voice, in a happy but playfully annoyed face. _

_"Oh wow, can't win, huh? Can't play to MY level? Haha! I am the god of games here, Phil! You've got to just accept your fate, mwhahahaha-" said another voice, which was increasingly familiar too... but didn't he just say Phil? Surly it can't be... _

_"Daaan, its not fair! You ALWAYS win. At least let me win." My stomach dropped, as my sight finally cleared of the fog that had seemingly formed in front of my eyes. _

_There, sat right in front of the T.V, was Phil. A different Phil. One smiling with a smile that wasn't saturated with sympathy and sadness. This was the actual Phil. The one I can't remember. _

_And the guy sat next to him? Was that... is that... me? I glared at the small part of my face that I could see, and instantly felt warm from the huge smile splitting across my... his face. I stepped forward, to try and look at myself properly, but felt a yanking from my feet, and before I had a chance to look down, the fog had returned._

_I was in a dream._

_I had the same feeling again, and my eyes flickered open for the second time. This time I was in another room, which was darkened, and I could only just see the bed that I was at the foot of. The sheets were bundled up, and the duvet across the floor. _

_I peered around the edge of the bed, and found the culprit of the mess, along with even more destruction. The other me was on the ground, lying curled up. But this me was almost another person, no longer smiling and happy, but scared and depressed, as he laid shaking and sweating amongst broken glass and many various broken objects. It took me a while to realize that this Dan was asleep, and that it couldn't have been a peaceful dream, as he began to quiver and shriek uncontrollably in his cocoon of dirty sheets. The freaking became louder, the pain obvious, but I was rooted. I couldn't breathe or see or even help. I would just watch _

_I would just watch as Phil burst through the door, holding his phone tightly to his ear, rushing to the ground, sweeping away the debris and holding this grief stricken Dan tightly. _

_I couldn't believe that this was me before. I was so happy... and then so sad. _

_What happened_?

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Phil P.O.V

I ran back to my corridor again, as if to escape the inescapable. That was one of the most frightening things to ever happen. He just... cried. In pain. I knew he was in pain before. But he shouted, almost screamed. I felt sick.

Before people judge me, I know it was going to be hard, just... not that hard. It felt wrong. They were doing nothing. I was doing nothing. All I could do was watch them do nothing. Like I said, it felt wrong.

Before I had any time to myself, Dr. Cooper rounded the corner again, this time fully expecting me to be there, before sitting down next to me. I was generally used to her now.

"You do know, Mr. Lester, about the designated and fully functional visitor room on offer at all times for you, don't you?" She asked playfully, smiling and knocking my arm a little. I smiled out of habit, and looked up at her, but the smile fell quickly as I remembered why we were both here. "It's okay, they sent me to find you, I completely trust those other nurses and doctors, they are really good at their job."

"But... what happened? One minute he was fine, the next he just..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence from the painful lump in my throat.

"It's a seizure," she said quite bluntly, and I glared at her aghast. "But it's okay; it's just something that can occur from stress along with the head injury and brain damage he has suffered. We've got the right people and the right expertise to deal with seizures. They won't let him come to any harm."

"It was just so sudden though." I thought back, his hands crushing his hair, the shrieks, the horror.

"It can be with what he has sustained. I would be surprised if he didn't go through something like that, with what has happened over the past few days. It's not easy, not knowing who you are, who he is. He really needs you though, because you're the only one apart from his mother who has stood by him. You're both developing your friendship again, and that's what we need. That's what you both need right now."

I thought about what she said again. Of course, now it all made sense what she was saying. We both need to support each other, and we were becoming friends again; I could tell. I just kept letting my mind convince myself otherwise. And then I would be here again, in this boring corridor, wallowing in self pity.

"Will they happen again?" I felt the need to persist. I made my promise, and I had to keep it.

"We don't know. It could be a one off, maybe because of the stress, yet it might be repeated. We don't know the exact cause, but my team will do everything to find out the reason for this happening and provide you both the support you need." It was confusing; why did I need support?

There wasn't much to say to reply to that, but to just look back down at the ground. Once again, I felt more alone than ever. I checked my phone out of habit, and slipped it back into my pocket almost immediately. Of course there wouldn't be any replies. He didn't care.

"Expecting someone?" she looked across at me as I stuffed the infuriating device back in my pocket.

"Well, no… just- err, someone should have replied to me. Not heard back yet…" I felt the pain growing in my throat like a tightening lasso.

"They should be here, like you are." To my horror, she understood. Yeah I know, weird thing to think. She looked gleeful and carried on, "I work with people all day everyday. Eventually you begin to notice these things, the little similarities and traits. It's just something you learn here. We are here to help you, you should know that by now." My eyes had automatically met Dr. Cooper's in shock, and as she explained, the feeling inside finally changed. I could feel it. The feeling of being understood; something that never came too easily to me. There was no choice now, I had to talk.

"Its just, when we feel, another… friend of ours helped me. He didn't know where Dan had gone - it was really dark, so he wouldn't have been able to find him. My friend, PJ, he's helped me since I've been out of hospital you know like getting up and down stairs and eating; all the things I had real trouble with in the past weeks." She looked at me with care, her expression now serious and calming at the same time.

"And… what happened to him?" her eyes began to glisten with emotion.

"That's the thing; I don't know. He just sort of… left me. When I got here, I mean. When he saw Dan, he just went home. I text him, and he said he didn't want to be involved anymore, and hasn't talked since. It's been hard because I thought he cared. i think maybe he blames himself, but I really thought he wanted to be here for Dan. So far-" I gulped heavily, "so far, he's not demonstrated anything. He's like a stranger."

"Oh… you, of all people, do not deserve that type of stress." She looked sympathetically at me, her eyes glistening even more. I knew that she was the only one who could understand me right now.

"And Phil, please, just call me Bella."

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	20. Reminiscing

**Welcome to Chapter 20 - the chapter when I get upset realising that this was finally going to end, and I had planned out the real ending. I don't know if I'm ready to see it finish, but at the same time ill be glad to not have to think of it every day when I'm meant to be studying. its been something I've thought about a lot and have grown attached to it and its story. Thanks for everyone who's followed this story all the way and has left me comments about it - you guys are amazing!**

**Over with the soppy stuff, I hope you enjoy chapter 20, and if anyone enjoys this and wants more, then just follow/favorite to be alerted when my next chapter goes up (Every three days at U.K time!). Plus, leave me a review to tell me how I'm doing and what I could be doing better; it really helps!**

_**Update: check out my new story called Tell Me It's Not True, over on my profile, Thanks!**_

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Dan P.O.V

All I could do right now was breathe.

Inhale.

Exhale.

The constant rate in which my lungs would expand and shrink was the only thing my mind could really concentrate on as I felt like a busy motorway had been built in my head. Its rush hour was in constant operation as my head spun like a carousel. Pain slowly leaked back across my mind, but maybe not as bad. It had subdued a little and I could at least concentrate on other things slowly.

Like always, the smell was very familiar; I was glad that at least something was in this mess of events. I knew instantly where I was.

Hospital. The smell, and its oddly distinctive aura; the unmistakable stench of cleaning product. How could I forget?

As if held down by glue, my eyes felt intensely heavy and as I slowly peeled them open I felt immediate regret. The light was even more blinding than I remember, and it strained all the muscles in my face to no avail as the pain seared again across my eyes. The world seemed so slow and hazy, as if we were instantly slowed down, and it felt like I was shut off from the world.

"Dan?" asked a curious but far away voice. I wondered if I had been transferred to a tunnel rather than a hospital as the familiar voice bounced around my head numerous times. It took me a while to realise that the voice was addressing me; I was Dan, of course.

I rolled my head over slowly, and focused intently on the shifting blurred silhouette in front of me. I didn't recognise the face of them, but I could guarantee who it was.

"Dan it's me… uhm, Phil… are you feeling okay?" he asked again, sounding painfully curious again. His voice etched closer and clears in my mind. I opened my mouth to talk, but it was incredibly dry and I only managed a short noise of approval.

"Hey, don't worry; I know you're tired and all. Let me talk instead, okay?" Phil responded to my attempt at replying, but I couldn't give in that easily. He had to know what I had just seen. What my mind had shown me. With all my energy I opened my mouth again and tried to talk, but I only managed a weak whisper.

"I have to… tell you something… Phil." I exhale my words instead.

"Its okay, it doesn't have to be now…" my mind finally focused on his face and his face only, and I could see the pain in his red eyes and strained face.

"It does… it's really… important." I managed. Despite the blinding lights, I was still exhausted and completely drained.

"But you sound too tired to even keep your eyes, are you sure you'll manage?"

"Please?"

His silence answered the question as he finally gave in.

"I dreamt about us… I remember only small parts… a room… and we played games. It was something good… and so happy. I saw me… and you… and we were laughing," I trailed off slightly as my eyes drooped heavily again. A wave of fatigue hit me.

Phil was smiling though, and he was happy. That's what made me feel good. That I could see that bringing parts of me back would make Phil better. For the first time I saw Phil the measly pulling of his muscles he usually did. This one was real. As if he, too, was reminiscing on a treasured memory of his own. Like Phil in my dream, he smiled heartily and wholesome. I treasured the sight of him smiling. It was something precious. The first time I really saw Phil.

The fatigue was less of a wave this time. You see, waves move back and forth, which my exhaustion no longer did. It was more like setting cement, slowly drying and setting. Soon I would be asleep again, like dry cement. Funny thing to relate myself to cement.

I had one last question for Phil, something I had wondered in the dream. I wasn't sure if I could completely trust my mind anymore, but he was the only person I truly trusted. As the blackness drew heavily over me, I gasped my last question.

"Is that how our life used to be?" I had falling under my deep slumber before I had any chance to hear the answer.


	21. Back to the Beginning

**Here is chapter 21, and it was literally one of the hardest ones to write, because its so different from the others in so many ways. I wish I didn't have school work to distract me though, because I probably should be getting on with that, but anyway.**

**There's not much to say this week, just keep reading because we will get the end one day (I hope). If you enjoyed this then follow/favorite to be alerted when I next upload, and leave a review to keep me motivated. Thanks!**

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Phil P.O.V

Jesus Christ, Dan.

His eyed had slid peacefully shut as he fell to sleep gracefully, leaving me in a humble of emotions. He had literally just remembered a memory for the first time since he had woken up, and that had torn me to shreds for many reasons.

First of all, I was crying. My eyes streamed heavily like water features in a garden. They were silent tears, and I wasn't even sure if Dr. Cooper had even noticed them yet. Yet they were there because of that memory. The memory I thought about each any every moment of the day that wasn't spent thinking about Dan now. It was so significant because I remembered it so clearly. It was the day that was just so perfect.

We played games all day that day. Mario Kart. Sims. You name it, we'd have played it. It was one of those lazy days, where we just chilled in our pyjamas and binged on random bits of food in our apartment; so pretty much a normal day. But this day was so perfect because it signified the last that I would ever see Dan like that. Happy and content. From that point on, he retracted more than normal socially, eventually from me too. And that was it; he spiralled into his cocoon of insecurities and loneliness by himself. And I felt so guilty.

So guilty.

Looking back on that memory was hard enough. Being reminded of it spontaneously by the culprit of its significance was so much worse. He seemed so naive and innocent; he really had no clue as to what really happened, and that hurt because I finally saw the man I had been waiting to see for weeks momentarily return to himself. It really hurt, knowing that there still was a chance that he could remain the empty shell he was, and that were still were such a long way from perfect. He still had a long way to go.

But at the same time, I smiled greatly like a big kid. I smiled because of the memory, and its significance, and how amazing it was to think about it, being happy without a care in the world. I hadn't smiled like this in a long time, and all because of the person who resurfaced the memory itself. Dan seemed to slowly coming back, and I could at last see the improvement, the start of him healing and getting better bit by bit.

Dan would be coming home soon.

The main reason I smiled was because of the utter perfection that day mirrored. It was just the lazy chill day we had, or the games, or even the thought of a memory that reflected something normal. It was that on that day, I admitted to myself and one other person something that would never be repeated to another soul. Not even the person it concerned.

I recoiled at the thought of PJ, but I knew that it was wrong to reject him so badly, seeing as he was the one I could talk to and the one who I knew for sure would understand me. His kind nature and thoughtful attitude assured more than any words that he was one to trust with anything.

And on that night, I admitted to PJ and myself that I was in love with this guy. His smile, and the chocolate eyes that made me melt. Everything around him was electric and made me feel so alive when he was around me.

Although I knew I could never talk about this to Dan (in fear of losing my electricity both physically and mentally), it made that night the one night I would never forget, would never see as anything else but perfect.

It was the night I fell in love with Dan.

I looked peacefully down at him, still smiling in a whirlwind of emotions. I was ready to answer his question, even though he wouldn't even hear it.

"Yes, that's how our life used to be."

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A few hours had passed, and I had already left the hospital, after realizing that nothing would wake Dan from this slumber. I was assured and reassured by Dr. Cooper that he would be okay and I would "be immediately called if anything changes". She finished of by telling me to stop calling her by her last name and just to call her Bella. She felt that if we were going to see each other a lot, then it would be no use using formalities all the time.

It had gotten dark, and the cold wind was merciless in its task of freezing my face numb. I normally would call a taxi at this point, but I didn't feel the need for uncomfortable company and awkward one way conversations all the way home.

In fact, I wasn't even planning in going home. It felt so cold, and I couldn't bear the silence for longer than necessary, especially tonight.

I just planned to walk for a while, because even though the wind was unforgiving, it seemed to wipe away all the thoughts that made me feel too warm in the constantly heated hospital room Dan was in. it felt nicer than it did painfully. Plus I didn't really know where I was going, which meant I could just go where ever and learn where things are around here.

Feeling the lights shining on my face becoming too revealing, I rounded the corner, and walked down a much quieter street, where some lights quavered in the strong gales. Much better.

Among all things, this was one of them that I hadn't really been able to do. Such an underrated thing is walking, especially the type where your mind is wiped clean, and you feel yourself starting over again, no matter what time of the day it is. I was still in crutches, unfortunately, but since I was alone in my flat again, I had a lot of practice and had since managed a lot more independently. My hands were very sore from using them, but it was worth its while. Even my leg was finally feeling better.

It felt like moments since I first checked my phone at six o'clock. Yet when I pulled it out again, it was nearing nine o'clock, and I gasped in horror as I looked up and realised I had walked so far and not even realised how far I had ventured – or where. I was sat on a bench, where I had taken refugee from my throbbing leg and blistered hands, but I knew I couldn't have been there long. Feeling my heart hit my throat I jumped up and hobbled painfully down the unrecognisable road in panic. It wasn't long before I could hear cars going by.

Cars and water.

It must had taken a while for me to realised what the water meant, and possibly why I was here, but it all came rushing back to me. The dead end road, waste land with the broken fence, water rushing loudly over the edge of the wall. This was it. This was the place I needed to be.

I pulled my phone out and tapped furiously with my stinging, numb fingers, and headed straight for the one person I knew I could trust, and I knew would help me – apart from Dan of course. My finger hovered over the key board that slid on the screen. I didn't know what to put. If I was too nice, he'll just disregard me again, yet if I was too sharp, then he would hate me.

An idea popped into my head, and I typed quickly as I could.

_**Phil: we need to talk, I need your help right now.**_

Moments passed as my heart rate increased in fluctuations of nervousness.

Was this the right thing to do? Were they really the right person anymore? What if…

What if they didn't want this anymore?

My response was as fast as lightening as the phone buzzed in my hand.

PJ name flashed on the screen, asking me whether to answer or decline the call.

I walked forward.

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**Check out my other fan fiction which can be found over the same tags as this, on my profile, or by the name of Tell Me It's Not True. (Another PhanFiction)**


	22. Please Come Back

**Hi. Bit of a sad update today, but there's something I'd like to say. First of all, this chapter has three dedications. **

**Five people died a year ago in a horrific car crash in my area. The five teenagers were:**

_**Blake Cairns**_

_**Megan Storey**_

_**Jordanna Goodwin**_

_**Arpad Kore**_

_**Bartosz Bortniczak**_

**The teenagers were killed in a terrible car crash, and today (16****th**** of November) marks one year since the hearts of my hometown were crushed. It's a very difficult time for many of us here, including myself, and it would be amazing if anyone reading could respect that there are many people going through a silent hell right now.**

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**The second dedication is the one that's probably tore me up more than anything I have ever known, as today also marks the second year without a beautiful young woman called Daisy Holmes, who tragically killed herself in her own home on November the 16****th**** in 2013. she was a good friend of mine, and her death seems to become more painful as each year goes by. This significant loss of a wonderful angel has also put me in a difficult situation of pain and loss, and I hope people can respect and understand what I am going through. Two years ago today this world lost a fantastic person, and its something I wish o could have prevented some how. The loss of her life is still the most painful I have ever known. **

_**I miss you Daisy.**_

**I know this update is long, but its really important to me, even if no one reads it, it's for my own reference too. The final dedication is to everybody who reads this. Everybody is going through hell in their own way either in the past, present or future. You do not have to go through it on your own, and I have to stress that help is really out there if, and if you ask for it then you will get it. I have gone through a lot of pain on my own enough times to tell you that getting support is not weak. Asking for help does not make you weak. It is strength to stand up and say you need help. Please, if you ever feel that you have no where to go, or are feeling really down, or are going through increasing issues, **_**help is out there.**_** Even if its just sending me a private message on here, I will always try to help. Do not fight battles by yourself, please.**

**Thanks to everybody who had read that. I know it was long and probably boring for others to read, but it was something I had to do for those people who didn't deserve to lose their lives in such tragic ways. Thank you, because you're the people who keep me going.**

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Chapter 22

**P.J P.O.V**

"I thought I told you I didn't want to be involved in this anymore" I breathed, after hearing him answer the phone. There was a painful silence sitting on the line, only broken by the gusts of wind travelling from where he was.

"I know… it's not that simple anymore…" Phil stuttered back, his voice weak and wobbling. I couldn't help but feel guilty, knowing that it was me causing this.

But I had made everything else worse. It was my fault.

"Are they helping you there? At the hospital?" I questioned immediately. He retaliated in response almost as fast as I did.

"Yes. But you don't get it. It's not the same. I've already lost one friend, I can't afford to loose another…" my heart dropped.

"Y-you mean that he's…" I couldn't find myself to finish that question, fearing the worst.

"No, he's not _dead_, if that's what you're asking, but he's as good as dead. He doesn't even know me. P.J, my own best friend will look at me, and he looks at me like I'm a stranger. As if I never existed before this at all. You don't even understand how that feels."

His voice sounding as icy as the wind, Phil broke my shield before I had chance to raise it. I felt the anger rise immediately from my nauseous stomach. It was him that didn't understand, I had my reasons to not be there.

"You know what? Yes, I do know how that feels. You want to know why" I froze before carrying on, holding up my emotions, "because of you, Phil. You are the one who looked at me as if I didn't exist. Nothing I did seem to even remotely help you, and even the slightest thing hurt you. I can't deal with that. I can't deal with you when you treat me like a stranger." It was as if I could hear something breaking inside Phil as I let everything out on him. It was my fault.

"Please Phil; don't get me wrong, I care. But it's all too much at the moment."

He paused as he took in what I had just said, considering what I really felt, and after a long silence, he spoke again.

"Okay, I understand. You care." With relief I breathed normally again, my wishes coming true that he would actually understand.

But he carried on.

"You _care_ about yourself. You don't want anything to do with this. You can't deal with this – no, _me_. You cant take what was only the beginning of a total shit storm, so you drop out and take the easy option, while I am here picking up all the god damn pieces in the end." I made to reply, but before one word had made it fully out my mouth I was cut short.

"_At least_ have the decency to let me finish, okay? Dan – yes, your so called best friend - doesn't even know you exist. Jesus, he didn't even know his own mother, and we have both been tirelessly waiting for something to happen, something to change, for him to wake up and be Dan again. But if you were here, you would understand the huge mistake we made when we thought he would be okay. He's far from it. Nothing is going to be the same, and your option is to bail on us when we need it the most?"

Phil's voice struggled to finish his sentence as I felt many emotions pass through the line. Silence broke between us, and it stood heavily on my heart. Finally, I had an idea.

"Okay… I – we can meet up and talk. I don't want to promise anything, but let's talk and decide what we can do. Where are you?" there was another long silence, only broken by the curious song of rushing water being battered by the wind. It was so long in fact that I had wondered if Phil was no longer on the other end of the line, but his voice came back, barely audible over the crashing waters.

"You know where I am?" Before I had chance to think, the line cut dead and the phone bleeped in my ear.

Pulling it down from my ear, I sat back down on the suddenly uncomfortable chair feeling disorientated and unsettled. I didn't want this. I don't want to be involved.

I didn't want to be involved because it meant that soon enough, they would work out the facts and the blame would fall on me. It was truly my fault. If only I had tried harder, maybe we could all be sat here laughing it all off, being what friends should be. Not the mess that I had made.

I recalled the conversation that I and Phil had that night… we've all noticed it… and I did nothing. I watched as he got worse and worse. To make matters worse, I let myself ignore it, and even convinced Phil in the first place that it was just a rough patch.

He would be okay.

But look at them now. Phil, with a broken leg and stitches on his stomach, dealing with his own emotional trauma already, having come off easy, was now trying to support Dan who didn't know himself. Dan who couldn't remember what he had for breakfast that morning. Dan who didn't know I even existed. And it was my fault that he couldn't remember me. I made this happen by being the person who ignores their best friend on the days they needed us the most. But I had to try.

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**I'm sorry this was late, as I was in my home town centre paying my respects at a memoriam. Thanks for your support!**


	23. Forgiven

**Bit of a lighter intro this time, and possibly smaller chapter too, but I've had so much work to do it's been a lot of stress recently. So many people have been reading this and its fantastic! If you're enjoying this, then please leave me a review to tell me how I'm doing and follow/favourite to be alerted when I upload again. Thanks!**

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Chapter 23

Phil P.O.V

I had found it.

It only seemed a breath away since we had both fallen to our inevitable hell. And now I was looking at the remains of the battered wall that supposedly was there to prevent those nearby from falling into the ice river.

Yellow luminous tape fended off others who happened to be wandering in this derelict part of London, stopping them from falling to their death through the shattered remains of the wall. I stood by the edge of the tape, deciding if it would be worth going past the opposing warning tape and standing there again. Just so I could feel the last moments of my life, before it was taken so viciously away from me in a frenzy of panic and misunderstanding. The last moments where Dan was… Dan. Not this stranger, a person unknown to himself.

Everything was different. And I just wanted it to be the same again. To sit and play games with the real Dan, not have a care in the world. To look across and see what mattered in my life and see why he mattered, not just seem a man who mattered but was still confused by his reflection. Everything was wrong, and I wanted that moment; needed that moment back.

With my already painful leg in mind, I struggled under the tape, holding my stomach gingerly as it stung and tugged at the stitches, but I was finally at the other side. Everything was how it was before. The wind, howling like wolves, hit me continuously as I stepped anxiously forward. The wall seemed to be very weak, but I made my way to the edge again. I didn't peer over the edge. Nor did I move any further ahead.

I closed my eyes, and exhaled heavily, before sitting at the edge, feet near the edge in which I fell. His last words echoed around my mind relentlessly here.

"_You need your inhaler, Phil…"_ he always cared so much. Even when Dan was the one in trouble, he would always care about me.

"_I can't take this anymore…"_ why did I let this happen to him. It should have been me.

"_No Phil, I can't talk to you! It's you I can't talk to"_ I knew I was the reason, and I would let him do this to himself, and believe I wouldn't be there.

They were the moments I lost Dan. Since then its been a muddle of confused glances, awkward silences and long nights where I would mull over the hell we were both in, and fixate on the perfect miracle cure that would bring Dan back. But some nights I knew that it was inevitable; Dan would never change.

"You know you don't have to do this alone." Called a voice from behind me. Its tone was warm and familiar, but I didn't look behind. PJ had a voice you couldn't forget.

"How ironic," I call back, hearing him chuckle as he got closer. I wasn't feeling too bothered about joking right now.

"I get it, I know. You don't have to tell me now. It's obvious, and I know how shitty I've been to you. I want to change that." This time I looked up, to see him stood next to me, not afraid of the drop as much as I was.

"Really?" I replied, feeling slightly frustrated at the change of heart.

"Yeah… I guess. I know I've been, well, stupid about it all. Selfish and all. But don't let me get to you anymore, because I want to change that and help you both now. I admit it; I've only thought about myself, and I really shouldn't have".

There was a few minutes silence as we sat together, but glared separate ways, thinking our own thoughts. It was awkwardly silent until PJ spoke again, very quietly and very unsure, but clear enough for me to hear.

"Please forgive me."

Those three words were the triggers, and I was the gun. All the emotions I had held in burst from me like a bullet. Tears poured down my face and I let out a large sob, which was quickly muffled by PJ's chest when he wrapped his arms tightly and warmly around me, wary of all the points I still felt the pains. His embrace was like a mothers would be, kind and welcoming, as if you would never want to let go again. And he didn't for a long time. PJ was the type of person who would let you release every ounce of happiness onto his shoulders, and somewhat have some silent solution before you even began to explain. I had missed this. I had missed this a lot. There was no other option but to forgive him, for I needed him more than ever. I lifted my head and looked into his caring face.

"I think I have changed my mind about Dan." I said slowly, thinking through what needed to be said. PJ looked slightly gone out and confused at me, but I carried on, knowing it would finally make sense to us both.

"We never lost Dan here. This was just a wake up call for us. I think we had lost him for a few months already, since he become more frightened of the world around him. We couldn't lose Dan like this. He would never do this. Not Dan."

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**I'm sorry about how short it is, I will make longer chapters!**


	24. A Change for the Better

**New chapter is a little late, I know! I've been at work all day and only had one hour to write this, which certainly isn't enough. At least it is longer than the last one, which I was quite disappointed in myself for. I hope that this chapter is better to read, as the last few have been quite dark; at least this one feels lighter and friendlier than the last few! If you are enjoying this, favorite/follow to be alerted when I upload next, and leave a review to tell me how I'm doing!**

**Thanks!**

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Chapter 24

Dan P.O.V

My head still hurt, but I was finally feeling better than before. It felt like all the muscles in my face were being pulled down, and my whole body ached as if I had been beaten up. The lights were immensely bright unlike the sky outside, and it took a long time for my eyes to focus on the clock on the wall, which said 9pm.

I felt my arm being nudged, and as I spun my head in surprise my hearing burst back to life.

"Dan? Its me, Doctor Cooper. Remember? I asked you to call me Bella, do you remember that."

My eyes closed in concentration for the memory to come back. Her smiling face as she joked with me and another nurse quietly, minding Phil who had fell into some decent type of sleep. He hand resting on my arm as she told me her real name. Not caring about formalities.

"Yeah… I think so." I replied finally. I wasn't sure how long it took me to talk back.

"Okay," her warm arm met mine again and I instantly relaxed again. "How is your head?" Bella asked. That was strange; I didn't even say it hurt.

"How did you…" I began slowly, but thought better of it because obviously her being a doctor would be the answer. "It hurts a bit… feels like I'm really heavy" I added, with a short smile. It must have sounded stupid to say the least, as she laughed and rubbed my arm.

"Yeah that's normal for what's just happened, which is probably going to take some explaining. I don't want you to panic, its quite normal for people who go through trauma like yours, especially to your head. Don't let it worry you, I will talk you through everything and make sure you understand everything I say to you, okay?"

Much opposed to Bella's nature, she was now talking slowly and looked incredibly serious, which frightened me a little to such a big change in such a small person. I tried to look confident and not like a child at the dentist as she sat down closely to me.

"Sure," I silently cursed myself as my voice wobbled in fear that I was trying to hide. She looked at me, searching for a reason not to go on, but I looked back confidently as I could, ready for whatever it was that was happening.

"Well, the reason why your head hurts so much right now, and why you woke up at such a strange time, is because you had what is called a seizure. Do you know what I'm talking about?" Nodding silently, I stared on "It's really nothing to worry about. There are so many cases of people with head injuries that have seizures, and there are so many causes. Right now we just need to figure out what's causing them, and then we can help.

"its not likely that they will happen again, especially if they are caused by just emotional traumas, but we cant justify that without ruling out all other options. These can be a family history of seizures, epilepsy related illness or epilepsy itself, or it could be an actual injury to the brain which is something we would have to investigate. Please don't let this worry you, the mind can be very confusing to understand, but it will be okay. We will sort this out for you."

The confidence and blood had drained from my face as I took in everything that she had said. Although she had reassured me everything was going to be okay, but I wasn't so sure. i had this feeling that losing my memory wasn't the worst of it, there was a lot more to come, and here was the first sign.

"Does Phil know?" I felt the need to reach out to him again, knowing he was the one I could suddenly trust. But his seat was surprisingly vacant. "Wait… where is he?" I glanced back at Dr. Cooper, who was looking at me intently. She moved with a start.

"Oh, he just needed some time, don't worry. He knows too, and ive explained it all the same. Just give him time, poor kid." Just as she stood to leave, the door burst open, and Phil looked at me as I beamed. His presence was really comforting. He ran over, and wrapped his ice cold arms around me. It was as if he had come in from a huge storm, yet he still gave me a nice warm feeling inside.

"Oh hey." My voice was muffled by his slightly damp jacket. I didn't have chance to say more, as I was distracted by another person at the door. His curly hair seemed to lay flat across his forehead, and he had an oddly familiar closed appearance.

"Dan, I need you to meet someone!" gasped Phil in what seemed to be utter excitement. This reminded me of Phil in my dream.

"Dan this is P.J." he let out in one long breath. "He used to be- and is one of your friends." I looked back at the stranger, and his face did seem familiar.

"Hey you look like… I don't know. You just look sort of… familiar?" I said slowly, and both their faces lit up, followed by a squeal of delight from Dr. Cooper, who was hovering between the two.

"You remember? You remember him? Wait, this is amazing!" Phil smiled and hugged me again. I couldn't help but close my eyes and embrace this moment. Yet it wasn't as good as they made it sound.

"Well, I don't know, I wouldn't have said his name. But your face, it just looks like someone I would know. I don't even know why. You seem familiar in a lot of ways. I didn't completely remember. It wasn't that good." I let my smile fall as I said this, but the three of them weren't having it. Dr. Cooper moved back to my side.

"I know, but these things don't normally come back quickly. You should be proud of it, because your memory seems to be returning slowly. Your improving, and that's amazing" she smiled again, and backed away before turning and bumping into the familiar man.

"Oh, I'm sorry-"

"No that was me-"

"Honestly I should look-"

"I was in the way-"

The room seemed to suddenly go very warm as I watched the two fumble and stoop as the doctor's pages were thrown across the floor in a flurry of white. They were both scrambling along the ground over each other trying to collect the scattered paper as me and Phil watched in amazement of the two most clumsy people try to stand.

There was a moment of silence when the two stood and looked into each others eyes, and they were frozen for a moment.

"Oh, umm, I'm Doctor Cooper- I mean just call me Bella thought. Her face filled with colour as she looked down in embarrassment, and P.J laughed anxiously.

"I'm P.J" he replied shyly, his face matching her shade too. The silence filled the room until Phil cleared his throat randomly. They both looked over and shuffled clear of each other, stealing glances along the way.

"Well, yes umm… I will just go and inform the consultant…" Bella said as she left the room in a embarrassed state if hurry. The room was left in silence once more, until Phil said one more thing.

"I know its late and everything, but I want to talk about… you know." He glanced over to me and I understood; the dream and everything that followed.

"Yeah, I think maybe I should have described it better. To you both." I looked at P.J who was still smiling goofily to himself. He looked up in a delayed reaction and nodded in agreement.

That night was the night that I finally realised life was not going to be as difficult as I first thought.

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** If you are enjoying this, favorite/follow to be alerted when I upload next, and leave a review to tell me how I'm doing!**


	25. The Water Rises

**Hi!**

**Yeah, I know I haven't uploaded on time, but I don't work well with time schedules and things, but I'm back and will upload when I can at 7pm, but I know I can't keep promises so I'm not going to make them. **

**With Christmas time coming, working in a card shop seems like less of a good idea and more of longer shifts and higher demands, along with lots of assessments which are demanding 24/7, so what I'm trying to say is I really needed a break and couldn't commit this because I had to really prioritize at last minute. **

**I hope everybody enjoys this chapter, it seems to have taken a new step and I really like it. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 25

Phil P.O.V

I opened my eyes hazily and reached blindly for my glasses. The room fell into focus and I realised that we must have fallen to sleep some time last night between eating food I had stuffed in my pockets from the vending machine and seeing how far we could throw the left over wrappers.

At last, I knew that we had hit a milestone, and I finally felt happiness. Not just for Dan and his new memory – or whatever it was – but for me too. I was happy to be me for the first time in what seemed a life time. The chair that I remained slumped in was no longer harsh and rigid, but now a safe cocoon, not because this change of heart made the cheap leather any better, but that I could be here in peace and know that I wouldn't have to worry about waking up in an empty room.

There seemed to be some sunlight flowing through the windows, partly obscured by the half drawn curtains, which we had decided to attempt to close using my crutches, and failed apparently. Curious of the view we really had from up here, I got up slowly, feeling my joints ache from the awkward sleeping position I had obtained from the chair I never left.

It was beautiful.

The morning winter sky shone many different shades of yellow and orange, slowly sliding into a indigo shade above us. The sun was ready to peak at the edge of the city mapped below us, dowsed in shadows lurking from the night that leaked away. It was a cloudless day, perfect in its temporary silence for now. I couldn't have guessed the time from this, but it was too early for me.

Feeling the tiredness rush over me, I turned back to see Dan stirring a little, and I smiled as I moved back to the end of the bed.

"Morning sleepy. Having fun there?" I asked playfully, watching his face twitch in confusion. I picked up the crumpled wrappers that were scattered across the floor. I had an idea that if Bella came in here, we would be in a little trouble.

"Mmm… it's too early," Dan mumbled quietly, pulling the twisted covers over his head. I chuckled to myself.

"Yeah, I agree, but they're going to kill us if they see this room like this." He was falling back to sleep, so I quietly reached to his unguarded foot and tickled the bottom, and his leg retracted as he jumped up in pure fear and looked at me, dishevelled and grumpily.

"Not. Funny." A smiled tugged at his cheeks as I laughed at his morning mood.

"Yeah, whatever. Seriously though, we are not even meant to bring in food for you… I could get in so much trouble for this." I swiped up the last of the empty packets I could see, and stuffed them into my pockets, to avoid confusing the nurse when she saw the assortment of colours in the bin.

"It was fun while it lasted, I guess." Stifling a yawn, Dan sat up and looked down at the mess on the other side of the room. "Oh no, PJ has forgotten his bag."

I walked over to where he pointed and picket up the heavy backpack and looked inside. Everything he needed was there – laptop, charger, camera; He couldn't last a day without this stuff.

"Oh… no matter, I'm sure if he misses it he'll be back before you have your breakfast."

"I don't think it's going to be just the bag he's coming back for either." Replied Dan, with a familiar wicked smile on his face.

That was true; it had been days since we had reunited with PJ, and his first awkward meeting with Bella certainly wasn't going to be his last encounter either. It had been 4 days since we had come back together, and PJ and Bella seemed to always react the same way as they did the first time – embarrassed, flushed and giddy. There was no denying it (But he tried anyway).

"Well your confidence is coming back now, isn't it" I playfully reached for his foot again, but this time he was watching and pulled both legs up and sat upright.

"Yes, yes I'm up…"

We just can wait for the doctor to come through it's probably about 8… oh yeah, my phone" I glanced and checked my phone, seeing it was already 8, and she would normally be here to wake us up now. I also saw a message from PJ, but I ignored it, knowing it was something to do with his bag being here still. "She's a little late this morning… ah well, I'm sure we can cope." I smiled a little at Dan, who was lost in his own little world.

The door flew open, and an obviously late running Bella flung a pile of paper down onto the desk and huffed and she leant against the wall in relief. We both looked at her confused as she automatically smoothed out her clothes and hair.

"Are you alright? You look panicked?" Dan asked quietly and curiously. She stopped and looked up for a moment, seemingly forgetting that we were here.

"Oh! Yes, I'm fine just a rather late start that could cost me my job if I keep coming in late like this. Traffic is mad out there, and I couldn't even get a proper lunch, so I've had to bring a bottle of water just to last today and…" she trailed off into her own world, and me and Dan glanced at each other rather amused by the spectacle of a show she was giving, juggling with the many bags and books she apparently carried everywhere.

Just at that moment, the door swung open and another late runner seemed to flop into the room, this time with lanky build and floppy, curly hair. PJ had realised he had forgotten his bag.

Blinded by his eagerness to see us awake, he almost ran around the door and smashed into Bella, and created mayhem. Books flopped on the floor, sheets flew carelessly across the room, and they both, once again, toppled on top of each other in a mixture of bumps and yelps.

True love, of course.

PJ, who was on top of Bella, realised what he had done and scrambled off her. He immediately pulled her up in fits of giggles and blushed as red as an apple. I was so amused I even sat down just to watch.

"I didn't me-"

"Its okay I was-"

"I didn't even see-"

"Honestly I'm fine jus-"

They both shut up as they glanced away and awkwardly shuffled. PJ spotted her bag on the ground and picked it up eagerly. Maybe too eagerly, because her water bottle flew out the bag and hit the ground and water splashed everywhere. This was where hell really broke loose.

Whilst I scrambled down to help, we all picked up sheets away from the spreading puddle.

"Oh noo" exclaimed Bella and PJ at the same time, but only Bella and I were picking up sheets, whilst he brushed his hand through his hair in embarrassment.

"Phil…" Dan called quietly across the room.

"One minute Dan, these sheets are going to be ruined other wise."

Finally we had picked up all her belongings and put them safely away before another colossal accident occurred. I couldn't help but smile at them both.

"Phil, I think…" Dan trailed of again. This time all of our attention was on Dan who was gazing off to the side a little, his faced troubled with frustration.

"Dan? What is it? What's going on?" Bella sprung into action, rushing around the bed and leaning towards Dan's face, looking concerned. All I could do was watch.

"I think… I think I remembered something. When you were picking up the sheets. I think that I remember something about… well it's strange."

My heart seemed to fly when I heard this, because it had been days since something like this had happened, and now the experience was occurring all over again. I walked around to the back of Bella, to try and understand what this meant.

"It was you. I remembered you." Dan looked at me, and silence fell in the room. "It wasn't very clear, and I don't know how much I don't know still, but I was you."

I stood awkwardly as Bella leaned back, and we looked into each others eyes. I stepped forward and hugged Dan.

I finally felt like Dan was really coming back.

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I followed Bella out of the room and chased up beside, in which she slowed down.

"Oh, Phil. Is everything okay? I know things like that can be a little much."

"Yeah" I replied. "Its just... when Dan remembered something about me, it happened when - and don't misunderstand me when I say this - but it happened when the water splashed across the ground, and I cant help but wonder if-"

"If the water is the thing that helped him remember? Very good observation, seeing as the incident involved water, then that makes perfect logical sense that water would have some kind of impact on him; even if he can remember it. Speaking from a Psychological point of view, he may have made an unconscious reaction to the water, and he may not be able to control his reaction to the sounds of water. Its a possibility." I looked at her, feeling excited.

"So does this mean we have found a way to bring his memory back?" My heart was still flying.

"Well... I mean the logic is all there, but we shouldn't just assume water is something that causes reaction to Dan - it's only happened once. And even if it did have some Psychological effect, then still it would be wrong to use such a method to try and regain memory. In doing so we could create a fear of the water, especially if it brings back them memories of that night. I know it looks like it help, but we cant force something like the mind. It can be very tricky and very dangerous."

I stopped in the corridor, and felt my heart sink a little.

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	26. If You Were In My Shoes

**Hi,**

**I know it's been a very long time since I have updated this story, and it's been something on my mind for a long time. I want to apologise, as I had promised some kind of update, yet I failed to deliver due to some issues I've been having in terms of my mental health.**

**I've got the support I need now, and will try to carry on with this - its a great way to relax after studying for exams or being generally stressed, and I can only look forward now.**

**Once again, I'm sorry I let this story and the people who read it down, and I hope you enjoy the new chapter!**

**Please leave a comment, and follow/favourite if you want to be alerted when I upload a new chapter!**

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Chapter 26

"So we will be ready to discharge within the next few days depending on the latest test results and notes that we have." Finished Bella, who was stood at the foot of the bed, where both Dan and Phil were seated, previously trying to make the other laugh in some way.

It had been some days since Dan's memory had come back, and Phil was more of less disappointed with this outcome. He hoped that this was a turning point for Dan, who felt like he was frozen in the moment, unable to remember anything that was his or any others lives. The familiarity of Phil's face slowly deceased over the last week, and it left a more awkward setting for them both. Even Bella, who always seemed to bring high spirits where ever she went, looked over to Dan with a face tainted with sadness, as she too couldn't find the words to help Phil understand why such an improvement meant having to go backwards.

But at this new and definitely arguable decision, both looked up, with faces full of confusion and shock. Dan managed to bring himself back to earth and lift his jaw.

"You mean I can go? Home?" Dan wasn't too sure where home was, but as long as Phil was there then he would be happy.

"Well, not exactly," said Bella slowly, thinking carefully as if not to disrupt the sudden upward movement in mood. "It's more of an idea we have, but at the rate you're improving at currently, I don't see any problem in going ahead with it" Bella smiled caringly, but only Phil managed one back. Dan on the other hand, was still confused.

"But I thought… I haven't improved at all. I can't remember anything." Dan stated. Even though he knew that Bella couldn't lie to him, he felt as if he was being fooled in some way or another.

"Well of course you have! I know it doesn't feel like it, and you can't force yourself to remember things – sometimes it takes longer than patience will wait," Dan tried to interrupt, but Bella carried on "you have gotten better in so many ways. You're happier, even motivated to go out and be a person, which in many cases of brain damage is rare because of the stress. But you're ok. Your physical injuries – they're all okay!"

She paused for one moment, as if to compose her composure again. "Your will be okay. Like I said, it could be a few days away from now, so don't let it worry you." Dan relaxed.

He couldn't believe this to be true. After all the ups and downs of being ill, the pains of his injuries, not remembering his own reflection, everything, Dan knew for sure that really, he was getting better in some kind of invisible way.

Phil wasn't so sure, and Bella could see this.

"Dan, rest. You've been very excited very suddenly and I think it may take its toll very soon. In the meantime, Phil would you just come with me to have a little chat? It will only be a few minutes, I promise."

Dan and Phil looked at each other, and nodded as if to say goodbye, and Phil stood up and walked out the room following Bella, looking back only once to see Dan Smiling.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Said Phil very quickly, feeling short of breath and uneasy. They walked slowly along the corridor, as if to get out of Dan hearing them, when Bella took a very deep break and looked down for a second.

"I am confident that Dan is ready for this, and can get through the tough phase that he is going through with your support, but there are many complications that could happen that you need to be aware of, and the only reason I can't talk to Dan about it Is that I know he doesn't really believe in himself right now, because he can't see just how much he has improved over the last few weeks. I can't be putting that sort of negativity in his head right now. Do you understand so far?" Bella looked worried, but she strode confidently on, with Phil trailing slightly behind.

"Yes, but… what is it that's so complicated? You said yourself, he's getting better now." Bella didn't or couldn't answer, "Isn't he?" Phil's heart dropped, preparing for bad news he was going to have to swallow.

"Oh no no, he's getting better, I assure you, but…" she slowed to a stop, and spun to face Phil. "But there's a number of things you should both be aware of, but I think it's wise to talk to you first." She took a deep breath.

"The first problem think may affect Dan is his mental condition."

Phil almost stumbled over, but looked straight into Bella's eyes searching for some kind of answer.

"I know now he seems very happy and coping well with what's happening, but that doesn't mean he is definitely going to be okay. PTSD, depression – it all can happen at very random times, and with such a trauma that bad that its suppressing his memory, I feel his chances of developing some kind of condition may be very high."

With a wave of sadness, Phil's gaze dropped to his feet. He had certainly not expected this at all, and couldn't bear the thought of seeing his best friend have to begin again. Not go back to before, what he was… what he become. What got both Dan and Phil in this situation in the beginning.

"But this is where we need you, Phil. You see, you're very important to making sure Dan is okay because he trusts you now, and we trust you too. And I need to ask you that if, when Dan goes home, if you ever see any change in mood, how he's acting, anything worrying, that you will contact me, so that I could see him first before I make a decision on how to help him. It's very important you do that. Okay?"

Phil nodded. Of course he would. Phil knew he had to do anything and everything to help Dan in a way he couldn't before – that he blamed himself for. If he had just sought help for Dan then they wouldn't have been here, in this difficult position.

"Wasn't there another thing too?"

They both say down on seats just around the corner from a fire exit. Phil felt a warm hand cover his knee, but not in a way of showing affection, but a method of comfort that Phil needed. A small gesture that was so important that he couldn't bear to look up to see the expression held by Bella.

"You remember a few weeks ago, Dan had a few seizures. Not serious ones, but om glad he was here." She sighed heavily and continued "I have reason to believe that these wont be the last, and that stress may cause them to happen, and I need you to be aware of this."

This time, Phil's heart really did drop. Not only did he have to leave the room last time mid panic attack when Dan had a seizure (it was extremely frightening for that sort of pain to happen) but he had no idea how he would even help.

"But… I can't do this. I can't help him like that. I can't stand to see my best friend go through something like that. Not again, and again. I don't understand how you can trust me." Phil felt the tears brimming at his eyes, as he realised what was being asked of him.

They wanted Phil to be the one who would help Dan if he had a seizure at home. And Phil had no idea how.

"It's not very difficult, I promise! I know, I know it's very frightening. I've worked with people who have epilepsy for years, and even now I find myself panicking, even though I have had enough experience for a life time. I just need you to trust yourself. I will teach you what to do, but I completely trust you to be able to do this. I have faith in you, Phil"

Silence surrounded the corridor, as tears spilled very suddenly down Phil's face and Bella put her arm around him, giving the support that he really needed. No words, not a sound. Just that there was someone there for the one person who was there for everyone else.

"You will help me, tell me what to do?" asked Phil finally, sitting up and wiping his eyes dry.

"Just relax for now, everything will be okay. I shouldn't expect that to happen to him Phil, but it's a precaution I would rather take just in case" Bella smiled, rubbed his shoulder and left Phil alone in the corridor to his own thoughts.

And that's when it happened.

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	27. Visions Are Not Good

**Hi again! This chapter is a lot shorter than I normally do as it is rather different, and due to a lot more school work- which seems to never end, even after some exams they go on for what seems like for ever. **

**I haven't quite worked out an upload schedule, because I simply cannot promise the time I really need to dedicate in order to get chapters done in time, so I would at least expect a new chapter every week, maybe a little more than that depending on course work and exams.**

**Thanks for reading!**

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The corridor went eerily dark and desolate, and Phil felt his breath catch and stop, as he felt immense downpours of internal pain, somewhere deep in his heart. The darkness was ever closing in on him, pushing on his head and chest, stopping the air from entering or leaving his lungs, and as he held his head in his hands, the feeling that all the happiness the world had drained from him slowly creeped through Phil's veins.

It crawled through his skin.

And climbed to his head.

The emptiness seeped through his brain, until-

Phil burst out into the door that led to a fire escape, and started breathing again, but the light flashed before his eyes and he wasn't on the fire landing anymore.

_The world came back into focus, and I was stood in my room. The silence was almost exhilarating, like being stood at the edge of a cliff, but it was too quite. For the centre of London. Too quiet._

_I stepped forward, expecting the ridiculous shooting pain to be reunited with me from the fall, but it didn't come. As if it never happened. Looked around for my crutch, but it wasn't here and I couldn't find anything that told me that this wasn't a dream_

_Leaving my room, I could see out the window as I left the room, but it wasn't really a world. It was just whiteness that shone through like artificial sunlight, almost real. _

_Without realising what I was doing, I found myself stood outside Dan's room, and the floor, it was covered in moss and scratches and… Blood. Feeling panicked, I shunted against the door. All of my weight crashed into it, but it was stuck to the frame like glue._

_Locked._

_I shoved harder again, calling his name, fearing the worst, for this was not the time I had lived in the hospital, this was before. _

_This was before the fall happened. A time where the Dan I knew was troubled. A Dan that needed help from me when I was most reluctant to give it. The person who I knew now needed help, before he did something bad, something terrible, something-_

_And I was blinded by the light, so blinding._

_The silence screamed at me, distracting me from everything I was thinking for just a moment._

_But one shadow, curled on the ground, was clear and his silhouette was unmistakable. _

_His arms were in odd positions, and there was a pool of blood around him, from his mouth, his nose – everywhere. As the room came into focus, so did the bottles I had not missed along with the scattered contents of the bottle and _

_Dan._

_I dropped to me knees, crying, hysterical, when-_

"Phil!" Shouted a fair familiar voice nearby.

Phil was doubled over on the stairs, holding onto the bars ahead of him, breathing so heavily he began to hyperventilate the fear settled in that he would never stop, that the world would never stop spinning and that he was falling and couldn't stand back up.

PJ ran to Phil, realising what was happening, and wrapped his arms around Phil.

"It's okay Phil, Its okay." PJ tried consoling him but it was no use. Phil was pulled into a hug where he cried into PJ's shoulder unable to breathe, choking and crying is hysterics.

Phil couldn't talk about what he had just seen, not to PJ, not to anyone.


	28. Home, Sweet Home

**Welcome back to the 28th chapter of this story, and its going on for so long now I really cant believe it. Thing that shocks me the most is the display of kindness and interest people have shown in this amazing passion in writing that I know for a fact I wouldn't get anywhere else, no matter how hard I could try. Thank you for all the appreciation that you show - it goes such a long way and means an incredibly amount to me. I just cant comprehend that there are almost 6'000 people that have took the time out of their life to read this, there are so many people who have favourited and followed this and commented in such amazingly kind manners; and it just brightens my day so much.**

**Thank you, and enjoy!**

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_And finally, we were home._

Dan and Phil stepped slowly over the threshold to the house that had gone so long without inhabitants, that it was eerily cold and dark. The memories were as over powering as the chilly air surrounding them. Phil looked up the familiar yet unrecognisable hall to his home and sighed heavily, stepping forward. In doing this, he brushed past Dan who looked up the hallway in a whole new context. This was his home, yet he couldn't remember the darkened walls, or where any of the doors led to, or what they even held, once he got inside. This gave him the unmistakable air of confusion – something Dan had gotten used since he had woken up in hospital, yet it was never the less frightening. Feeling overwhelmed and nervous, Dan gingerly followed Phil through the hall and up the stairs into their apartment. Here, Phil slung down his bag, leaning on the wall for support of his leg, and looked up, a forced smile on his face.

"Hungry?" he looked straight at Dan, and his face fell slightly, "Well, I might need to see what's here first, can't trust anything in the fridge, but I'll find something." Phil trailed of as he walked into what Dan guessed was the kitchen. He was right, as many doors and cupboards were evidently opened. But Dan didn't answer Phil, feeling hot and anxious. He wasn't sure how to say this to Phil, but Dan felt like a stranger. Like he had just walked into another person house without permission and couldn't gain the confidence to leave.

Dan walked away from the kitchen door silently, as if not to alarm Phil, as he was intrigued by what he was going to find further down the apartment. As he walked down, he got a door on his right and pushed, feeling the fading natural light from the sun glowing through the window spill on his face, and he squinted into the clear obvious living area. A large grey sofa was behind the door, met by a rather large fireplace and TV set in the corner. A dining table sat directly in front of the door, and the walls were covered in paintings. But the one thing that really intrigued Dan was what covered the fireplace and the large shelves in the alcove. Pictures, toys, gadgets, models, the lot. And every one of them struck deep in Dan's heart, as he realised that every one of them was a relic of his and Phil's relationship over what seemed like years of friendship that he couldn't hardly recall. Years of travel and experiences that Dan believed he would never experience again, and that really dug deep. Not because of the damage that it had on Dan, but the pain it quite clearly caused in Phil's face every time he looked at Dan, and Dan couldn't imagine that sort of pain being something he could deal with everything. Closing his eyes to hold back the emotions, Dan stepped back into the hall again. Looking at the rest of the doors, he moved on and reached out, but his hand stopped before it reached the hand.

_No, this one doesn't feel right _thought Dan. He couldn't quite place down why, but this room, it didn't need to be see, it wasn't right. He almost felt as if it wasn't his to open, so he moved on and glanced at the final door, while in contrast appeal to him, as if it called his name, beckoning him to enter and see what was inside, so Dan moved slowly forward, feeling the tension rise noisily in the silent apartment – only broken by Phil's shuffling in the kitchen. His hand reached out, and instead of stopping, it twisted the handle and the door swung open.

Inside was something Dan both expected and didn't expect.

In respect, the room was nice. Light flowed gently through the window, which held many little trinkets and toys, all organised into a row. There was a very large bed holding darkened sheets that Dan unconsciously approved of, followed by two bed side tables with lights and a clock. On the other side was dark coloured wardrobe, which was surrounded by a mirror and various objects that were scattered across the floor. Dan liked it, but he definitely didn't like what followed, as surrounding the bed were glass bottles, one of the shattered across the ground. The duvet was strewn half way off the bed and the cushions were at the wrong side. There was one single medicine bottle sat on the bed side table, with what should have been the contents of the bottle scattered around it and on the floor. Little white pills that gave Dan second hand anxiety – he had taken enough of these in the hospital for a life time, and would rather not have to take any more than he already has stuffed in his bag from the doctor.

Dan stepped into the room, and felt like he belonged, even though he didn't really recognise it. He felt like this room was built around him and made for him, even though he didn't really know why. The rush of emotion was enough for Dan to realise – this was his room.

"Are you okay?" asked a voice that made Dan spin around in fear – as if he was in another person's house – but it was just Phil.

"Yeah" Dan finally replied; the first thing he had said since they had started their journey away from the hospital. "Just… wa- is this my…umm- "

"Yes, it is" Phil replied, before Dan even got the chance to finish his question. The silence hung for a few moments as they both looked nervously at their feet.

Even though they had begun a new relationship whilst in the hospital, Dan and Phil felt like they were back at square one again. "I know it might be a little strange for you, but you don't have to stay in here if you don't want, I mean, I can set up a bed or something, so you can get used to-"

"No, I want to try at least get back into normality again, even if it takes some time" Dan said quickly. He didn't want to seem weak anymore, and looking back into the room, Dan new that who would be able to get through it, no matter how long it took.

Dan and Phil looked at each other and smiled as the tension began to drop and they settled in more, knowing they were both comfortable in each other's presence, because the memory Dan had of Phil, that one moment of recognition that few days ago, was something to hold on to.

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	29. Life Could Never Be The Same

**Hi!**

**At last, I'm uploading on time which is a miracle to say I have weeks until my exams - which certainly need much more time investing in. Definitely in the next few week either expect a slight delay in uploads, or an increase if the procrastination sets in! Thank you for everyone who has read and enjoyed this; it means so much to me!**

**I would like to make a special thanks to ClaireBear1982, who has been and simply is very kind and has given me a lot of support! Not only that, she has recently started an _amazing_ Dan and Phil FanFiction herself named 'The Adventures of Anabel Edwards' Go check it out!**

**Enjoy!**

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Dan P.O.V

The next few days were enough for me to realise that things wouldn't go as well as expected. First of all was my room. Even though I couldn't remember it at all, there was something about it that gave me shivers. I wasn't frightened at all about the items, nor was they in any way dangerous. But in some way they were very unnerving. I would even have feelings of Deja Vu, feeling like I had seen them before, but I knew that I couldn't remember them, not one bit.

Even if that didn't scare me, I knew one thing certainly did, and it was the white pills that were on the bedside table when I first arrived. Not only did they give me the chills knowing that at some point I dropped them and never picked them up again, I read the label that was heavily scratched, making out the name Phencyclidine but I didn't know what it was for – there was no name, no instructions, nothing. But something about that bottle gave me such unease that I couldn't stand to look at it for much longer, so I gathered up the remains of the pills, and stored them back in the bottle, which I stuffed into my pillow case. Even though I couldn't look at them, I was certainly curious as to what they were.

The worst thing about coming back was Phil. Even though he was caring for me and making sure I was okay and happy, I couldn't help but notice the decreasing condition he was in. I hadn't noticed this as much when we were come back (I was too occupied with the fear in me to realise) but now it was clear. Because even though Phil would help me and make sure I would eat even when I said I couldn't, I never remembered him eating. And the third night we were back, I woke to get a glass of water, and found him sat in the foetal position on the kitchen floor at 5 in the morning, his eyes dark and eyes staring straight ahead, face damp with a mixture of sweat and tears. It took me to shake him for him to come back to his senses, and I had to guide him back to his bed, even though I was never really sure he went there in the first place. And worst of all was just seeing him, sitting there motionless and lifeless.

Even though it wasn't all the time – only when he was on his own – I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't Phil. I don't really remember the old Phil. Not the one without scars are bruises still wearing down from an accident I can't even remember. I don't know a Phil that was full of life and rearing to go and sprightly. I can't remember that anymore. All I see is this version of a person who's not really who he used to be, and I can really help but blame that on myself. It sounds stupid, but I felt like I was the one that caused all this.

The bottles, the pills – I'm not stupid, It was something I was doing, something that happened cause me to change and turn to the bottles, once containing alcohol, or the bottle of pills that were quite obviously delved into on may previous occasions, as the bottle only come to being half full, even though I kept find the odd one rolling around in the covers of the bed I had now changed.

Really, I couldn't quite believe that anyone could have their life go so bad as to turn to all of this, and it was that that made me so curious to find out what really happened… but how? How on earth could I find out the truth of something that no one knew. No one but… Phil. I shook my head. He wouldn't know, an even if he did, he probably wouldn't tell me, in order to protect me, and I was grateful, truly grateful for that. But I still wondered. Not even for my own sake, but for the sake of Phil who's personality (I'd never remember) was going away from him all because of some stupid mistakes and silly decisions that I made. Some decision I made that I can't even remember.

Picking my head up from the desk, I brought myself back to sense and glanced around the room sleepily, realising that I wasn't on my own. Phil had just sat down with the house phone pressed to his ear. His face was contorted into a look of fear and nervousness, as if he was ill with the flu and sweats. Not wanting to interrupt, I laid my head back down onto the dining table I nearly fell asleep on, but secretly woke myself up, wondering who he could be talking to.

"… Yeah ummm I've got a lot of work to do… no not that type of work, I mean like umm… bills and stuff" Phil's facial features definitely matched the situation he was in.

He had done this before, avoided going out, but on that occasion yet again I was nearly asleep and the last time I wasn't as intrigued as I was now, as I was sure that this wasn't the second time he had done this. I had done a lot of sleeping, and couldn't help but have to sleep to keep my energy up, or I would completely drop of energy and go faint. he began speaking again, and I closed my eyes tightly and breathed deeply, as in a heavy sleep.

"Well I know I was doing last week but I couldn't complete them, so I have to do them… yeah okay, but another time, really, yeah, bye" I heard the bleep as the call was cut off, and then silence for a few moments, before he shuffled out of the room and I was left in total silence.

Was that the same number as last time? Was Phil just ignoring people, or did he just not want to socialise? I was wide awake now, and I was beginning to tense as I realised that he was a lot worse than I had imagined. Not eating, not sleeping, avoiding friends, it was so obvious that I just hadn't realised. And now I felt so guilty.

But no matter how guilty I felt, I had to relax as I heard the muffled footsteps returning to the room, and I wouldn't have wanted Phil to think I was creeping on him – it was unfair, after all that he had gone through in the last few months with me, and then himself and his health to worry about. the door moved open behind me and I felt a gust of cool air on my slightly exposed back, and a couple of moments passed again in silence, when I felt his hand touch my shoulder and my hair was brushed away, to reveal the top part of my face, which was damp with a slight sweat – something that the tablets prescribed to me would do, according to Phil even though it wasn't listed on as a side effect. My shoulder was shaken gently as he called my name, now sounding more relaxed than before.

"You can't sleep here, it's not very comfortable I assure you on that. If you're still tired, I can take you to bed?" I stirred like I normally did when I fell asleep in random places and opened my eyes. They weren't so heavy anymore, feeling the panic rise as I had realised what was really happening to Phil, but I kept a normal face and tried to act as normal as I could.

This time I could see it. The deepening shade of blue like black eyes, and the shallowing of his face, I was more concerned for Phil than before. Even in the hospital, when he wouldn't leave my side, even the day we got home, where he couldn't really find his way around me, feeling as nervous as I did creeping around what felt like a stranger's house.

"Dan…Are you okay? You're as white as the walls behind you…?" his face contorted into a worried frown, the wrinkles forming at the top of his head like they did when he laughed or cried or…anything. Not wanting to worrying about the growing head ache, I lifted myself up and tried to push myself up.

"Yeah, I'm okay" I answered finally, smiling a little. "I'm just really tired, I err… didn't sleep too well last night, so I'm just tired." Wanting to leave the room as quickly as I could, I pushed up on the table.

But the walls started spinning and black dots were appearing everywhere. I blinked hard as I reached out for the chair, or the table, or Phil.

I found his arm, but it wasn't enough to keep me going. His warmth and the room went black as I fell forward.

**Phil P.O.V**

"I… can't remember…" Dan's eyes shut an opened as he grabbed my arm and swayed heavily. Before I had even realised what was happening, he stumbled onto me, and we both fell to the floor with a thud, both hitting the table.

I scrambled up, pulling myself from under Dan.

Like they had told me at the hospital, we would have to expect complications like this, and as I looked at Dan, feeling helpless as everything they told me to do when the fitting happened vanished from my mind.

In panic I looked around, and pulled a cushion from the sofa, and carefully placed it under his head, which was quivering in the most frightening way, as his lips went blue and his body convulsed more by the second.

And then, it was over.

I shook his shoulder again, but this time more forcefully and called his name, but he didn't respond. Feeling the panic rise like sick, I ran to the phone, and dialled the first number I thought would help.

"Hello? Phil? I thought you said you were busy?" Answered PJ, sounding concerned.

"It's Dan, he just- "

"I'm on my way, Don't worry" the line cut dead.

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**I hope no one is affected by this - everything from this chapter has come directly from experience, but epilepsy and seizures can come in all different shapes and forms and people can experience and react differently. I must stress that this must not be used as a reference point; although I know what to do, it is incredibly important that you seek medical attention in a situation like this. **

**It is not a pleasant disorder to experience or to have, and if anybody has been affected by this they need only to message me and I will point them in the right direction for support. **

**Thanks!**


	30. Dreams of Substance

**Hi!**

**Although revision is actually going better than expected, I simply can not help but be distracted as my attention span seems to waver pretty much any time the word 'study' comes to mind. I've also done the good thing of writing a few chapters ahead, so that in any case that I can't get a new chapter written, I know I can at least post whenever.**

**Thanks! Hope you enjoy!**

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Phil P.O.V

"Phil! Phil, it's okay it's over now!" PJ's voice was muffled, holding me as I fell into despair.

"I-Just-panicked-I-couldn't-Breathe-I-couldn't-stop" Heaved Phil, saying each word between sharp breaths as he began to breath quickly again.

"No, just breathe, it's okay now, everything is okay!"

We were heaped on the floor again, having already moved Dan into his room. I had just escaped into the kitchen, where I fell to the ground feeling the pain grow through me as my mind played through the events just passed. Like a tidal wave, I was over thrown by the immense heat and struggle my life had become in the past few days. Even the walls, as boring as they were, seemed to emit the anxiety that burned like wild fire inside of me as I doubled over in the pain I could no longer bear.

PJ had his arms around me, with my head leaning into his shoulder which soaked up the tears and muffled my shallow, uneven breaths.

The kitchen walls were almost flashing with each breath, and the floor felt like a rollercoaster ride with no safety fasten to hold me steady. But slowly, gradually, which much coaching from PJ, my breathing began to slow, and the unnerving sensation that I wasn't going to feel better evaporated within moments.

The room was filled with silence.

"Are you sure he's okay?" I asked weakly, feeling my chest shake from exhaustion. We shuffled apart, sitting with our backs against the cupboard and looked blankly ahead at the sink.

"Yeah, he should be okay. Just let him sleep, he won't remember anything of it." He glanced over at me nervously, as if I was about to freak out again. But I wasn't, as the panic had really gone this time around. "It will be okay, you will get used to it…" PJ's voice was somewhat weaker than before, and he looked away from me this time.

I knew he was not all that confident that it was okay and certainly that I would 'get used' to it. There was simply no way that I could go through something like that and not feel the panic I knew too well. Feeling uneasy, I looked forward silently, staring a little too hard at the wall ahead of me.

This just seemed impossible.

Dan P.O.V

_My eyes ached. Like so bad._

_And when I opened them, I was blinded by the shining light that was all around, obscuring my view as I fumbled around trying to find the ground which felt so soft beneath me. _

_Soft but not warm._

_My eyes suddenly adjusted, and I was back in my room, but the floor was covered in glass again like the first night I got home. _

_The room was slightly off – in a way which I couldn't describe in any way at all. Of course it was the same room, but it just wasn't… right. That's when I saw me._

_The Dan I could see was just as unnerving as the room, eyes sunken into his head, staring straight through me as the wall he seemed to be contemplating. He was deadly silent, and I was almost convinced that he wasn't even breathing from home icy still this Dan was sitting. It was as if he was frozen in time, unable to shift from the moment._

_The sudden movement in atmosphere was nearly enough to knock me down, as my past self burst into life, stumbling into the edge of the bed, grabbing an unmistakable bottle and opening the door, pausing only to glance back, his eyes darkened in the dimmed room._

_I followed in pursuit, and I blinding light threw me to the ground. The atmosphere had changed dramatically and there was an icy cold wind that shook me awake to my feet._

_There was a completely new scenario around me, and I couldn't quite place why I recognised this place. It seemed to play out in front of me like an old movie, where the screen was dimmed and unclear and it was hard to see what was really going on._

_After a few moments, I found myself stood on the edge of a desolate looking space of land, the wire fences laying uselessly on the ground. The battered sign was scattered further along, stating the private land was out of bounds._

"_I can't do this anymore Phil" a familiar voice spoke behind me. It was very quiet and barely audible but I knew my own voice. _

_It was as if I was under water, as my feet would only move incredibly slowly as I tried with all my energy to turn around, and search for the crackling voices. It was almost as if the place wasn't ready for me, as when I turned it took time for the scene to come into focus._

_There were some darkened silhouettes spaced in front of me, but I really didn't know who they were as their faces were pitch black and they didn't move – like statues. In fact, the only ones that did move were further in the distance, and I was completely sure that they were the ones who were talking. Why did I come here?_

"_Do what?" spoke a distant Phil. I was almost like they were moving away from me. With panic setting in, I tried to drag my feet even closer. There was a sudden movement, which somewhat made my knees feel weak and my eyes grow heavy. I was losing them._

_There were both hanging over the edge, one reaching out to the other, who shifted away and swung his legs over the edge of the wall, ready to jump._

"_No Dan! Stop!" I realised it was Phil reaching out, and as I drew closer I could see that he was leaning against the wall in support._

_They began to talk to so quietly, as my ears filled with silence, and the last thing I saw was myself and Phil fall._

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**Thanks for reading!**


	31. Twisted Tales

**So sorry that it's been this long before another update, it's been too stressful, and now I'm half way through exams, I am rather sure that this is the last thing I should be doing, but everyone needs a break! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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"Are you okay?" Someone asked, making me jump out my day dream and spill my now cold drink over my trousers.

I was sat in the doctor's room for what seemed like the thousandth time this week – Dan had to pick up his medication again. it was something different this time, and it would be stronger and (hopefully) more effective. He had so many fits that I was almost becoming used to them myself. I didn't need PJ as much, but each time I would call him anyway. The shoulder to cry on was the biggest pull for me, and I wasn't sure when it would even get better.

Dan unfortunately couldn't get used to it –every time was like being hit over the head a hundred times as he said it, and I could hardly blame him for complaining. Things really seemed to have gone from bad to worse since we got home and I don't think Dan could take it that much longer. Maybe it was all the stress from going somewhere he couldn't remember, with a complete stranger and an apparent new life. Dan wouldn't say anything about it and there was no way he would.

I looked up to see Dan himself, looking down at me as cold tea soaked into my day old jeans. Feeling rather embarrassed, I stood up and stretched and we made our way – slowly – to the door.

Dan's legs were still really bad, and it usually took a long time for us to go anywhere, but it was his joy to go out and see places that he felt he had seen before – who wouldn't after serving time in a hospital bed like that?

It was beginning to warm up outside, but I had wrapped up warm and insisted Dan would too, insisting against his pleas to feel the cool air, knowing it would do him any good if he fainted or had a fit. So as we stepped out, I pulled to door open, allowing Dan through at his own pace, and tensed my shoulders against the air as its icy bites struck my face.

My head began to swirl with the wind, and the strength I had left in my legs began to decease, leaving my arms which remained gripping the heavy door to support my body. I closed my eyes tightly, and lent against the doors slightly, and I hoped that it was discreetly, but it wasn't.

"no really, are you okay?" Dan asked me again, looking more worried again.

"I'm okay" with effort, I regained my voice into a lighter tone and opened my eyes, seeing the world as a hazy mess for a moment before I regained my sight, and left the support of the door. I could feel him looking at me with some kind of concern but I knew I couldn't put that on him now.

Dan seemed to almost forget about it very quickly and began to talk nonstop like he normally would. I wasn't paying attention completely though, in my own world of worry.

Why had that happened? It was almost as if I was about to faint, like I was losing touch with all of my senses for a moment. With uncertainty settling at my stomach, I looked around and made sure all my surroundings were in order, unlike before, when they were a blur and such a mess I could hardly support my own body…

They were.

The clouds in the sky floated by seemingly without a care in the world, and the cars drove by as if they would never stop, the walls didn't spin like a blender, and I couldn't feel the ground through my shoes and my legs unconsciously moved forward. Everything was normal again, and I could hardly comprehend the idea that for a moment, I was convinced that my life was going to end.

We had somehow already reached the corner that led to the door of our apartment, and I had a sudden idea.

"Hey Dan, uhhm, you go ahead, we need some stuff from the shop and I think I might as well go now" I spoke in one long breath, my words mushing into one long mega word. Dan looked at me confused, and I could hardly blame him; I had never left him alone outside, knowing he was totally hopeless in finding his way, and trusting him to be safe was out of the question, but I was sure that I could trust him for the few moments it took for him to get to the door.

"A-are you sure" his voice seemed a lot weaker as he lost confidence, looking around dramatically. I could see the fear rising in his eyes.

Calmly, I lifted my arm and pointed right at our front door, without leaving eye contact.

"It's okay, I know you can do it. The door is there, and I will eat a plant if you were able to get lost being this close to home." He smiled a little.

"Seriously, I trust you and I know you can do it. I know for a fact we need something to eat tonight, so I shouldn't be long." I handed over the battered keys, and he looked at them and me for a moment, lost in disbelief, but brushed it off and smiled.

"Don't be long… please?" Dan had still felt uneasy and on edge about being on his own. This I couldn't be sure on improving but I couldn't be with him all the time for the rest of my life.

"I promise, just some food for tonight and stuff, the shops only ten minutes away." I looked hopefully at Dan, but his decision was already made as he carefully pivoted around, waving and gradually moving to our apartment.

As soon as I was sure he wouldn't look back, I took a detour and walked around the back of another complex whilst delving into an uninterrupted track of thought. Something had not been all that good today, and I wasn't sure how I could place it. The dizziness, the moving suddenly from stable to fearing my mortality – how on earth could this be happening now, just when everything was going right. Dan was getting better (in some ways more than others) and I was beginning to cope with the idea that I would have to build our friendship out of broken glass.

There was so much that I hadn't understood months ago, when I sat with baited breath and sweat on my forehead, praying that he would survive. I hadn't even begun to understand the future for us when he woke and called me a stranger. Let's not even think about walking into our apartment, Dan's eyes filtering with fear and confusion that I could not repair.

I remembered the promise that I made to Dan, all those weeks ago. It takes two? The both of us, together.

That was starting to lose its meaning.

I rounded the corner, onto the main road, still in blissfully deep thought which blocked out the staring passers.

Even though I had promised, even though we had become so close in the past weeks, there was a huge invisible brick wall between us. We couldn't connect like we did before, and this made us different people in so many ways. It was almost like I, Phil, had become Dan. I was suddenly more responsible than I used to be. And I had lost my humour, which was like a stolen identity I could barely remember.

Suddenly, I had reached the shop entrance, but I couldn't reach the threshold, when it all happened again.

The hazy world returned, spinning and leaping like never before.

My already sore legs were left to the strength of tissue as I stumbled heavily into the wall beside me and slumped slightly.

_Go home, Phil… _spoke Dan's voice. My eyes did not open, for the roller-coaster the sky made for me brought sick up from my stomach. I recognised the strained voice like no other. It was Dan n the night before the accident; the pain in his vice was violently unforgettable.

_I don't need help, I'm okay… _the rushing of water sprung to my eyes and I felt I was almost back there again. The water's edge seemed to be as real as before. This couldn't be real.

_I can't take it anymore…_

_It's you I can't talk to…_

The swirling stopped, and I felt no more

There was a lot of murmuring around me, but it slowly come to me as if m hearing was being tuned in like a radio. I couldn't quite make out their voices, but some were certainly closer than others.

My senses all come back in unison, and my heart dropped as I felt the cold, hard concrete beneath my back. My eyes flew open.

To my surprise, I was outside the shop – still. But I was staring at the darkening skyline and numerous people's faces which were very blurred and disorientated. The closest of these faces was a woman with a bright yellow/green jacket.

Ambulance. Great.

For a few minutes I could not move, but when I did the crowd or people backed away as I was dangerous. Without warning, I was unsteady on my feet, much to the disappointment the paramedic, who had already tried sitting me down again and strapping me to the stretcher. But I was okay.

"Really, I'm fine, I just want to go" I assured them, hurrying myself away from the begging crowd, and back around the corner to my apartment. Dan was on his own, and for how long – I didn't even know.

What had just happened, I just couldn't explain anymore. Something was wrong, but for the sake of Dan, I chose to ignore it.

It seemed so long before I was at the door, and I shifted the mat before the door and lifted out the spare key, allowing myself in.

It was only dimly lit at first, but I followed the light and found myself quietly approaching the door of the living room, when I heard Dan's voice.

"… Just can't understand him" Dan said to the unknown voice on the phone. There was a period of silence where I held my breath, hoping he hadn't heard me outside the door.

"But it's getting out of hand now, he's just not getting better and I can't do anything to help him. He won't talk, and he won't listen. It's only going to get worse." I released my breath. "You know he doesn't want me to worry and I know that too… just try talk to him – he trusts you much more than me right now".

There was some more silence, where I could only just hear the receiver noise, but I could not make a word out of it.

"Sure, we could do that. Just not straight away, right now it's just difficult, for everyone… okay. He will be back any moment, so I will have to go… okay… bye". I head the beep of the house phone and a small amount of shuffling. I guessed he was getting up to return the phone – to the kitchen.

I quickly but quietly scarpered down the hall way, silently opening and closing my door, and lay down on my bed with my back to the wall.

There was an air of worry around Dan that I had not noticed before. Something in his voice that I had certainly missed. And it was true; I didn't want him to worry about me because I knew I wasn't the one who was ill like he was. I was the one who could survive, who didn't have to worry that I wouldn't make it back home – well, sort of.

If there was one thing I knew I couldn't do, was tell Dan, as it would only hurt him to know that somehow, I was not coping. He could not know about me fainting, or the dizzy turns.

Nothing.

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**Leave a comment and follow/favourite to be alerted when I next upload! x**


	32. Secrets Will Spill

**So finally, exams are over, and what better way to celebrate than with sickness and pain! Coming down with a fever was not my original idea, now I have to suffer in pain... But at least I can get back to doing what I enjoy without the guilty feeling that I am not revising something! This chapter itself was very difficult to write, and I'm glad that it was written previous to now when I could probably think straight without coughing up my lungs on the way.**

**I hope that you all enjoy this chapter, and certainly don't feel as ill as I do right now!**

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Dan P.O.V

I sat down in the hardly recognisable room, opposite from another friend who I could hardly remember – PJ.

There wasn't all that much to explain why I was here, as it was rather self-explanatory on both sides, but I knew that if there was anyone who would listen to me talk about what's going on, it would be PJ.

He sat down across from me, and for a brief moment, we both looked away into the silence, as the awkwardness of each other still brought back a lot of confused and unsure memories for both of us. There was almost a feel of reluctance in them room, but I knew it would have to start somewhere at least.

"I'm worried" I said quietly, looking up and seeing his shining eyes "More than before, I mean" I added, realising that really we were all worried, but I knew this was something different.

"I need you to tell me everything, Dan. It's going to be difficult for you to do this on your own, and not telling someone is just a death wish" our eyes met, and as my trust fell into place like a jigsaw the awkwardness left, and so did my emotions, apparently. "we were very close friends, you know. Of course I don't know if that will consolidate you, or doing anything at all. But just that you know that you would always be here, talking and everything."

I smiled a little, feeling a great rush of reassurance blanket me, but I knew the smile wouldn't last, as it meant that at any moment I would have to continue with the topic I had avoided so much. The tears still ran like water works down my face, but I didn't sob. I just let everything go.

"Things are so much worse now. Even since we last called, he just hasn't gotten better at all. It's all just getting worse." Looking up, I realised that PJ had gotten up and moved to sit next to me. "He just doesn't eat. I know it sounds silly but he won't go and eat, or drink. In fact, I hardly even see him, and when I do, he's in the worst state."

The tears continued to spill as the vivid images flashed in front of me. Phil would sit there, on his own, his face sunken and greyed. His eyes would have darkened blue circles that looked sickly and he wouldn't move. He would remain the same way, every day.

My eyes closed painfully.

"I can't help him anymore –he just won't listen to me. I've tried to make him something to eat, but he smiles and say he's not hungry, or makes some excuse to go out. He's even tried saying he's going out to meet you" PJ's face flashed up, almost angrily, but I knew he wouldn't react that way anymore. "I know he was lying, but I'm afraid calling him a liar will make everything worse."

Silence fell again, even though I was not finished. I knew this was difficult for PJ to take in.

"It's getting out of hand now…" PJ's vice shook, but he did not fall to pieces like myself.

For a moment, I was ready to ask him what to do, but from the moment I walked in, I knew the answer. There was simply no way I could expect him to come up with some perfect explanation for all of this.

For moments that felt like hours, we looked off into our own world. There was really nothing else to say. The tables had turned, and the pain I felt was now the pain Phil felt; but ten times worse. I knew how painful it was for PJ in a way – he certainly remembered Phil more than me though.

"I need you to carry on Dan. I know it's bad, and it's just not pleasant, but I need to know" his head was down, and I had never seen a man so broken. Pure terror struck me as I took a breath and egged myself on.

"There's not much more to it, he's just not eating, not living. He's just empty and I can't live with that. Both of us know that it is impossible to let a person live like Phil is." I could not continue, because of the pain that seared down my throat as I tried to supress the sobs that were becoming stronger.

Suddenly, PJ stood up. His face was still saddened and tensed in a way of holding back his emotions, but his eyes were brighter. PJ had an idea, but he wasn't going to tell me it any time soon, I was sure of it.

"I'll be right back, I just need to…" PJ's voice trailed off as he exited the room, and I held back the urge to follow him – I wouldn't be able to anyway with the way my legs were, but I knew there was something of a plan that at least brought something to me that I had not felt in a long time – hope.

It was a long time before PJ returned, and his face did not show any change form before. I began to worry that his plan had not worked.

"Don't worry about that, it was just something I had forgotten, I really needed to do it." He assured me, and I looked back down.

This was not over, and PJ knew it.

"There's something else" I whispered, my voice struggling to continue. My eyes remained diverted to the ground and he felt him sit next to me quietly.

"I know the answer to this already, but I need to ask you to tell me what happened. What happed to me and Phil that means I can't remember anything anymore."

Like an icy blanket, the silence dropped again, and the answer was getting set into stone.

"Dan… you know that I can't… its meant to come back naturally- "

"It has, though." Said louder than I had anticipated. I looked straight into his eyes this time, not wanting a sign of disbelief to cross his eyes. "I mean sort of, I remember something. But I can't say if it's true. That's why I need you, PJ" I continued to stare right at him, and nothing hurt more than that. Seeing almost happiness, almost fear, almost confusion, cross someone's face like it did PJ's when I wasn't even sure about what I was talking about; or if I even wanted to talk about it.

It took all my effort to think back to the night, like it was a distant childhood memory I could not comprehend.

With great difficulty, I spoke about how I looked on at myself in my room. How my eyes were sunken, and my body thin and tense – just like Phil was.

It dug into my heart when told him how we were at a water's edge, but I was too far away, and couldn't see our faces. How I tried to get closer, yet the sound of water, our voices-they all seemed so far away that I felt disconnected from the story.

I relived the fighting, the cry for help covered by denial, the resounding crash that changed our future. I only stopped when I came to the point where I could not go on.

This was the part when I, too, fell apart. Into the arms of PJ I released every ounce of pain I had held in for so long. His arms wrapped tightly and he held me still. I cried, I sobbed so much it took his strength to stop me from falling to my knees in hopelessness.

The room was blinded as my audible cries forced my eyes shut and for a long time I cried into PJ, not really knowing when I would ever stop. I wasn't too sure how to, I just felt the stress just leave me.

There were some noises ahead of me, but I refused to pain attention until those noises held onto my arm and sat me straight. They hugged me, in only a hug a mother could give, and finally, I opened my eyes.

Knelt straight in front of me, was a face I never thought I would see again, someone familiar, and someone I knew PJ wouldn't forget in a heartbeat – Doctor Bella Cooper.


	33. Revisiting the Past

**Hi! There was a new chapter, and it certainly was scheduled for last Thursday evening,but I had to schedule another doctors visit instead, and basically slept for what remained of that day - bed bound isn't how I had planned my holiday, and I wont be planning it in the future. It was horrible, and I couldn't write to upload a new chapter, plus being without secure internet and on high pain relief over weekend. But here it is! I hope that you all enjoy this chapter as it was very confusing to actually write!**

**The music inspiration for this piece was Sail by Awolnation.**

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Bella sitting in front of me was a terrible reminder that so much had changed since I had first opened my eyes, and it was almost like we had gone backwards. There was so much I wanted to say to her, to have someone just understand and know what to do.

The silence lasted a long time, and as my eyes met the ground again, I felt myself wander into my own world about the 'memory' I had just told PJ… did he tell Bella already? Did she already know everything?

Several times my mouth would open and close, as I attempted to speak out, but something stopped me.

I wasn't sure what it was, or even why there was an obligation somewhere in me that thought silence was good. Of course it was the right thing to do speak up and talk, but I wasn't sure if anybody was ready to face the harsh reality, including myself.

The mental images spun like clockwork in my mind, and it was really a haze as to which one I would choose first. Which terrible memory I could explain without faltering into despair?

I looked around the room, which was slowly darkening as the winter's night began to draw, and I knew that time was running out. It was as if I was holding my breath, waiting for a clue, for something to happen, even if I wouldn't let it.

But like a waterfall, it all happened at once, and suddenly I was pouring my heart out to her, every sing detail, recalling all I could remember, describing moments that somehow seemed to connect like a puzzle wanting to be solved. And as I spoke, I felt the tears fall again, but this time I was stronger, this time I needn't panic or crash, because the thing that had stopped me, the wall that blocked my view was finally broken, and I could see the reason why Bella was here. I knew what PJ had only left the room to call her, and tell her that we needed her now. There was a rush of gratitude toward PJ – he had helped me so much.

Bella was the one I felt the most grateful toward. She had not spoken in what felt like hours that I had poured out every memory I could muster. Her face was calming yet alert, and she did not let her attention stray; she was focussed on me, and only me. She did not interrupt, leave or try to stop me. I needed this, and she knew that already.

"And where is he now?" Her voice was quiet but strong, and it was warming and kind like a mothers.

"At home, when I left he was in his room." Bella's eyes began to look worried. "He doesn't leave much like I said, he will be there, I'm sure of it" I answered quickly. I didn't want to make more worry than I already had.

"You should rest; it's been a long day and I don't want you to stress any more. I'm sure maybe…maybe PJ will let you stay here tonight, so you could rest up-"

"No, no its okay" I said hurriedly, standing up and reaching for my coat. I swayed slightly, as my legs had seemingly gone to sleep and were not ready to move, but I had to go. The air was suddenly too thin and I needed to reached the cold, crisp breeze that was outside. "I think that I should go… Phil is at home and he might need…".

Bella grabbed my arm before I could get out the room, and this time she looked piercing into my eyes for a moment, before softening her gaze.

"Promise me you will come straight to us when something happens," Her gripped tightened slightly "Good or bad".

I nodded, meeting her gaze once again.

One thing I hadn't notice about Bella until now, was how tired she looked. Although her eyes were full of interest (she, too, wanted me to talk to her) I could now see the heavy marks under her eyes and the tiresome expression she couldn't seem to lift from her face. Her work overalls were creased and over worn, and there was a slouch to her composure that could only mean that see was beyond tired. I felt a pang of guilt, realising I could make things worse for everyone else.

I smiled a little, walked out the door.

* * *

Most of the journey home was a blur, until I turned the corner and suddenly didn't recognise where I was. Looking back, I found that all around me were unfamiliar buildings. There must have been a wrong turn I had made when I was walking without even thinking when I left, I thought to myself. But surely, I would have known or noticed something was different about the roads before now, I was so sure I knew the way… feeling panic rise a little, I put my hand over my pocket, but felt the blank space where my phone should have been, but it wasn't there. Great. I had left my phone at PJ's place.

Looking around curiously, I knew that there was simply no way I could carry on down the road, which seemed to go on forever, so I turned back and retraced my steps from around the corner as the sky turned into a vivid shade of indigo and streetlights beamed down on my face.

Along the road, I could just see in the distance, a man was walking quickly, his face turning and flinching in all directions. I watched for a moment, and then decided that my only hope was to ask for help. This man, whoever he was, was certainly the only person I could see. At least he would know where he was.

As I felt like I was Catching up to the hooded figure, he rounded the corner, and disappeared from sight. Slowing down slightly, I realised that he couldn't have been going the way I was. The new road he had journeyed down was a lot darker, where many lights either flickered or ceased to drown the road in a dull orange beam. I looked, and he seemed further away that I had first anticipated, his pace very strict and unstoppable. _There must be someone around here,_ I thought to myself. But the roads were deserted, and the thought of walking around in a very unfamiliar place around didn't seem too exciting.

Set in pursuit the man did not cease any pace, and there were even points that I could have sworn he was running. It was a while before I realised that there was no way that I could catch up with him now.

Chest heaving, palms sweating, I leant up against the cooling brick wall as I tried to catch my breath and think a little more rationally. Maybe catching a person who seemed to be running away wasn't the brightest idea I've had, and it certainly didn't bring me any hope that I would end up in the right place. The road had come to an end, and the houses ended almost abruptly, where a singly break in the gardens could be seen. It was hardly another road, as the mud and grass was clearly visible, and there were prints where people had seemingly walked.

I squinted up the pathway, oddly familiar in its glory, and spotted what had caught my eye.

There was a rather sad looking strip of police tape, which hung loosely on either side of the walls, and beyond this, was the man who I had followed. His silhouette, although without personality, was identifiable – his jacket was almost identical to mine. And he had crossed the tape, and was now slowly walking up the pathway, which concealed him. What were my sharp, shallow breath, was now a silence, as I held my breath, unsure on what to do. I had the option of following the man, and making sure he was okay (there had to be a reason the police had put the tape up) or walking away and finding another soul in the soulless district I was lost in. so of course I followed.

Over the blue and white tape, down the sodden pathway, uncertainty settle as I began to regret my choices. The man was still not in sight. The pathway seemed to never end as the squelching of my shoes filled the air. The hedges didn't stop until-

I was stood in front of what looked like the poorest excuse for a fence, which lay battered and broken o he ground, revealing a spread of wasteland. Oddly familiar waste land. It wasn't until my eyes adjusted that I realised where I was.

It was just like the dream, where Phil stood, where I stood. The wall, a good 50 metres away, looking like it would do better as an almost beaten Jenga game. The grass was still over flowing, and there was yet more tape hanging around the floor and wall itself, warding away stragglers and trespassers.

It wasn't warding away the man who stood 50 metres away from me, his eyes looking away. And I knew too well that I had been where he stood before. I could not let this happen. He could not jump.

My feet moved automatically, and I wasn't in control anymore. I tried to run, with all my might, to stop him. This person needed to know, he needed to know how unsafe his was, he needed to be stopped-

Crunch.

My legs flung helplessly as I tripped over some twisted weed and fell straight head first into the grown. The world spun as I tried to pull myself up, feeling blinded as I light shone into my eyes.

In fact, there was a light that shone into my eyes, and it seemed to be coming from one of the gardens, flowing the all too familiar land in a startling brightness. Looking back briefly, I couldn't see the man at all, I knew he couldn't have fallen. But he was the least of my worries, as voices began to grow louder and doors slammed. People were coming and were sure to find me if I didn't run.

I slipped back down the pathway, and escaped from sight.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	34. Don't Leave Me Now

**Here's Chapter 34! Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive, I have never regretted starting this story and I never will. Even though it's nearly at the end, I have enjoyed it so much - Thank you!**

* * *

Phil P.O.V

Bang!

My eyes flew open as the front door slammed, and the wind whistled against the ratted windows. The sweat on my forehead went cold, and as the footsteps approached, I lay frozen to my spot on the sofa.

I heard the floorboards croak on the stairs, as they slowly made their way through the house, but it didn't take too long for me realise that it was Dan, as his unmistakable cough echoed through the hallway. But instead closing my eyes, I sat up; it was nearing two in the morning and the last I could remember was picking up my phone four hours ago. It now lay on the floor, face up.

5 missed calls. Shit.

Something gave me the feeling, and my call history gave me the idea that I had managed to call Dan, but I couldn't remember dialling number, especially if I had fallen to sleep that quickly. Since then, running all the way until about half an hour ago, I received calls from PJ and an unknown number, which showed as withheld, but I couldn't help but see how closely it rang to PJ. There were also many texts that I felt no need to look at – I knew what they would say.

The door creaked open, and in came Dan, his hair wet and windswept, with curls reeling across his forehead and looking severely shaken and cold. It only took me to look into his reddened eyes and I jumped up, hurrying over and hugged him as his head fell onto my shoulder and I held him tightly. I felt the cold from his coat and the shiver from his skin.

He had been out for hours.

"Dan! Where were you? I called you and you've been gone for hours- have you seen the weather outside? It's too cold to be out at all, never mind for that long!" I held him close as his shivers became worse. When he spoke his voice was weak and muffled.

"…At PJ's… left there to come home…don't have my phone…got lost…I couldn't remember where…" he needn't speak much longer, because I knew exactly what had happened, and why he hadn't come home – he simply couldn't remember where to go. Guilt trickled through me as I found the strength to pull him over to the sofa, where he lay half asleep, trying to talk to me. I pulled off his sodden coat, which had mud and rips in one side. His shirt and jumper were still dry, but he continued to shiver like there would be no warmth left in the world. I hurried out of the room, arriving moments later with the duvet cover from his bed, and draped it over him, trying to tuck in the edges as much as possible.

Hours did pass when I sat next to Dan, his head resting slightly on me, shivers now gone and sleeping silently. I didn't manage to get much out of hi, or where he went, but I knew it couldn't have been good, as the mud still marked his face and down his arms. There was something of a tired look around his eyes still.

My phone was still on the floor where I had left it, and it wasn't until about 7 in the morning when it lit up and pinged loudly. I froze, expecting him to stir, but he was silent, and I chanced moving forward slowly, reaching out.

I managed to snatch my phone off the ground, and unlocked the screen. PJ had messaged.

_PJ: Phil, is Dan home? If you don't answer, I will come around myself and check_

I thought for a moment – did I really need him to come here? It might help me, even Dan, if that's where he went to yesterday. I could just leave the message, ignore it, then say I hadn't noticed the texts… but I knew that I couldn't face PJ anymore. Clearly Dan had confided in him, and I don't think I could do the same.

_Phil: it's okay, he's here. He turned up at 2 this morning so I made sure he was okay, so I haven't had a chance since to do anything since. Is his phone there, by any chance? He said something about it but he wasn't very clear and fell to sleep straight away. _

_PJ: yes, it's here and thank god he got home – eventually! We had no idea where he had gone, and you weren't answering your phone either, what's been going on?_

I pondered for a moment, thinking about the word 'we'. Surely he couldn't be talking to… if it was, then I knew that I could never speak to him.

_Phil: Okay, he might come over for it later, when he realises. Sorry I couldn't answer, I had fallen to sleep, so I couldn't here so nothings been going on, just a bit tired. Thanks for asking about him, I knew I should have tested you back last night_

_PJ: Phil, you know that you don't have to cover anything up, you can talk to us. I haven't heard from you in ages and its beginning to be a little worrying, just come over later on and we can do something, Okay?_

_Phil: I just said, everything's okay, I've got somethings to do today anyway, normal stuff, so I can't really get over so another time, but everything is okay, I promise!_

After that, received no reply, and there was suddenly a silence I hadn't really noticed across the room, something I felt I should have avoided. Maybe PJ should have come over, but I knew that would mean some social pressure into talking, and for me, that wasn't something I was ready to do. He couldn't know, especially if he was talking to her.

Lifting Dan's head, I stood up and stretched, making my way across the room silently. The room span like usual, and I leant across the wall for support, but I was getting used to the motions and I was suppressing it more than ever now. It was less of a shock to feel like I was falling through the floors. Going through to the kitchen, I poured two glasses of water, and carried one of them through to Dan, placing it onto the floor, and the other I took with me to my room.

Placing it down onto the floor, my phone was clenched in my hand and I unlocked it for what felt like the thousandth time, checking the messages, my finger hovering over PJ's number.

I could call him… tell him everything. Part me of believed that it would make everything better. That it would stop all the pain, all the loneliness. He could help… in some ways. He would be able to help Dan. Because Dan didn't have the nightmares. He didn't wake up each night and every morning and all other times with a cold sweat and a schema so twisted it hurt. Dan wold become himself again, like he already was. Dan could talk, and I felt silence, but not by Dan, by the fact that I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. Nothing could go right because all I saw when I looked at Dan, was Dan. The real Dan. The one I always knew, and the one I longed for so badly. The Dan who would throw pens at me for eating his cereal, laugh the same the same way he always would when I did something stupid. I would do anything to have him back, to have that life back. He didn't understand just how much of my life I had lost because of this.

It was only moments later when I knew myself that there was no way that I could press that button. Before I knew it, I had flung my phone across the room, and it landed with a resounding crack against the wall before hitting the floor with a dull thud. I didn't bother to look. It had dawned on me that he definitely meant the Bella. Of course, I had no idea why it took me so long. They would have talked longer, and I knew the promise I made that I would see her if I needed help. But this was beyond her, this was too complex. This was too much and somehow, it was something that I would have to deal with by myself.

I mainly thought of the many people out there, dealing with all degrees of grief, and I could sort of empathise with them. I could be named many names because I hadn't really lost Dan; a version of Dan was still here. Although I could still see him and hear him, even though there were some similarities, I felt like I truly had lost him. This person was just not the same anymore, he was still a stranger that acted differently, spoke differently, even his bitter sense of humour was gone.

The wall stayed the same for hours.

It wasn't until I heard shuffling through the walls that I rolled over slowly, feeling the cold edges of the covers I hadn't touched. The sun glazed through weakly as evening approached in its midst. I could hear the footsteps wandering around, and I wasn't sure what he was doing.

My eyes fell heavy, and I breathed in quickly.

_You can't save me Phil…_

Like a firework, I sat up. My blood ran cold and the room became too quiet as I listened out for the sour like voice.

"…Dan?" I called out, almost positive his voice had woken me up. It was just like Dan from before, the way he would talk in a sarcastic, cold way sometimes. There was a painful strain in my throat.

I relaxed back down, sure that it couldn't have been made up; I definitely heard that voice, it was here, almost next to me.

_Catch me if you can… _

Echoing through my room, I did not move, I did not breath. Nothing moved an inch, but this time I was sure, I was so sure it was Dan.

My feet met the ground as I picked up the empty glass next to me and cautiously pulled myself to stand, swaying a little before stepping forward and reaching out to the door.

_Don't let me do it, phil. Don't let me…_

Dan's voice, it was almost menacing. In a dark, humorous voice, it stuck in my mind and echoed around. My hand hesitated, but I pulled the door open slowly.

The corridor was darkened and empty, so I stepped out and walked slowly towards the kitchen. This too was darkened. Dan wasn't in here. I gripped the glassed tightly and walked cautiously to the sink, placing each foot carefully, listening.

_It's too late, you're too late Phil…_

"Stop!" I shouted, covering my face with my hands over the sink, feeling more sick than I had ever felt in my life.

"Ph-Phil? Are you okay?" Asked Dan quietly from the kitchen doorway. In the corner of my eye, I could see that he looked very tired and sleepy. I didn't respond straight away until I heard his footsteps get closer.

"Stop it, I can't take it anymore…"

"Take what?" Dan questioned.

"All the taunting and the things you say, it's not true. I know it's not true" My eyes scrunched up and I held my breath.

"What's not true? Phil, I haven't spoken to you at all today, I've literally just woke up" He replied. Dan stepped closer.

_I'm lying, you know I am. And you can't stop me._

"Stop it! Please!" I yelled, spinning round on my heel and meeting Dan's shocked gaze. He stepped back a little, unsure what to do.

"Phil, I'm not doing… anything. What are you talking about?" he raised his voice a little this time, sounding frustrated.

"You're doing this! Your making me believe it's all my fault, saying things and then acting like I'm crazy! I don't need this, leave me alone!"

Shrieking out loud probably wasn't the way to go, but I knew I couldn't tell him that this needed to stop if he wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't take it anymore. He knows. He knows that I blame myself, that if I had been there and done something instead of ignoring the problem, there certainly wouldn't be a problem right now.

I marched across the kitchen, pushing Dan out of my way slightly and picking up my coat, making my way towards the door.

"Wait, stop – Where are you going?" His hand clasped around my arm, and I froze, keeping my gaze to the ground.

"It doesn't matter; I don't even know." This was true, I hadn't really planned on leaving so soon, but I couldn't take the torture anymore.

"No, no no! it does matter. It matters that you're okay and that you don't get hur- "

"What. So you can spend your days torturing me saying it's too late. I already suffer enough knowing that I will never have my best friend back, never mind having to be told every day by that person that it was my fault." Once again, we stared each other in the eye, Dan with a sense of fear, but my face remained cold. His grip lessened on my arm and I felt guilt go through me.

"But… I never- I would never think that – Phil, you know I wouldn't, I couldn't accuse you of that! I'm worried about you but I wouldn't use that or this whole situation we're in against each other. I thought that… that you wanted things t go back to normal. That I would learn to be me again?"

Silence fired through the hall, my arm dropped from reaching the handle.

"It will never be the same." I spoke so quietly I wasn't even sure I heard myself.

"W – what?" Dan stuttered. "But you said tha- "

"Look I know what I damn well said!" I rounded back, facing him "I know I said everything could go back and we could do everything like it was before. But that's not it. It's not working. You are not Dan. You are some stranger I don't even know anymore. You act different, you talk different, everything about you - it's not the same. It's wrong for me to think of you like I used to. I can't force another personality on you when something like this has happened, I just can't. Now let. Me. Go."

"But Phil, I am becoming who I was, they said it would take a long time for it to happen, I could be normal, but just not straight away- "

"NO. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BE HIM. HE IS GONE. I'VE LOST HIM."

I wrapped my arm away from Dan, sending him falling into the wall, but I did not look behind, I didn't think for one second.

I just ran.


	35. Lets Try Again

**Welcome to the _second the last chapter_ of this story! I thought about make some more but I felt that the story was enough as it is, and I couldn't have completed it anymore. I hope that you enjoy it!**

* * *

Dan P.O.V

My head smacked against the wall, and I slid down, feeling the room wobble.

The door slammed a few seconds later.

I felt very dazed for a few moments before the room come back into focus, and I was staring at the wall ahead of me.

Had he really meant that? Did Phil actually believe that this was all his fault, when I knew that it just… couldn't be.

All the time we had spent together in the hospital, where he had stayed with me and helped be become who I am now. He taught me all about how we met, and who we were. Things that we had done, and even about home, all the little things we collected and the funky models and objects we had obtained over time together.

My head was still touching the wall, so even though the room wobbled, I knew I could do something about it.

The hall way seemed so much longer as I propped myself up and staggered dizzily down to the first door I could see. Falling through the threshold to the living room, I hastily wandered to the thing I looked for.

It rang many times, but I did not allow it to stop, calling again and again until the voice I needed to hear spoke finally.

"Dan? Phil? What's going on, we couldn't hear the phone properly before- "

"PJ it's me, just… just come here, please. Both of you if you can."

There was silence down the line.

"We're on the way"

The line cut dead and I slowly placed the phone down, knowing if I moved any quicker then I would surely fall. The room was hazy, and the darkened sky casting absolutely no light into the room didn't seem to help.

The wind howled and battered the windows.

I stood up and held my hand out, reaching for the table and missing heavily, stumbling into the wall and sliding down for the second time.

Rain hit the ground harshly outside.

The floor met with my face, and I was once again motionless. Coldness ran through my veins and I found no effort to move. Everything began to spin and became a blur, until it all went black.

* * *

Phil P.O.V

Rain whipped across my face as the wind ferociously guided it in gusts that send many bins and litter gliding in the air, crashing into buildings and cars alike. I pulled my hood up as the cold, biting air nipped painfully at my face, and I moved on with my eyes on the ground, following the grainy foot path numbly.

_It's time to move, or you'll never catch me…_

His voice was mocking and bitter, much like before, but I pulled my hood closer to my ears. It was getting stronger, and soon I would finally know where the voice was coming from or where it was leading me. Some roads were winding and others followed in complicated patterns that I could not remember. I was just following, being led to a mystery place that I hoped in some way would stop this torture.

_I thought you wanted to save me, Phil…_

I turned right sharply, into a quiet Cul De Sac where trees were beaten down by the gales of wind and heaving rain. The streets shone brightly as the water bounces right off the ground in an aggressive manner, and the sky flashed for the first time that night.

The road was too familiar, yet I could not place why. The houses fell apart around me and the pathway disappeared - was nearly there, so nearly there… just a little more…

* * *

"Dan… Dan…"

Voices swirled around my mind like a tornado, disappearing before I had a chance to comprehend it. The floor swayed beneath me and my hands tightened to keep control.

"Dan, wake up…"

The voice was familiar but I couldn't hold onto the sound long enough to be able to understand who's it was. It was dark and quiet.

"Dan!"

My eyes flashed open with a start and I was lying on my back, on the floor, with green eyes hovering above me.

I was staring at the darkened ceiling above me, where the lights were still off and the car lights flashed by two floors shoulders felt rough and painful, as did everything thing else, but I was being shaken awake while my eyes felt heavier than anything than I had known. It made me feel sick.

"Come on, sit up…"

A new pair of hands pulled me up as my head fell heavily in front of me, and the voice, as light as a feather rang clear through my mind.

"Dan, you could have told me this was happening almost every day." Bella's voice was much more stern than I had first anticipated, and I looked up to see her face blurry; there was a clear distinction of anger I hadn't seen before mixed with concern. I felt instantly guilty.

"It wasn't my main concern…" My voice was slurred and quiet.

"It should have been! You should have told me before, when it was happening all the time, rather than me having to find out." My eyes fell to the ground, but instead she hugged me tightly and spread warmth through my bones. Pulling away, she looked directly into my eyes searchingly and moved her hand to the back of my head, where it was sore and stinging all of a sudden.

"Did he do this?" she did not have to mention a name, as I knew who she was talking about straight away, as o remembered my head smacking the wall god knows how long ago.

"No… I mean, yes he did, but he didn't mean it… I got in the way and he wanted to leave. He didn't mean it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" I answered quickly, and both PJ (who had silently retreated into the other rooms and returned) and Bella looked at each other quickly and back at me. "He left before, but I have no idea when"

"Didn't he say where he was going, anything at all"

"Nothing, he got really upset, I couldn't tell why but it woke me up and he got angry at me… for no reason at all. He tried to leave and I tried to stop him but he wanted to go."

"It's not your fault, you know that" I was sure than Bella had some kind of power of reading minds, because she managed to see through my face which I tried with all my might to keep as normal as possible, but inside I felt guilt beyond anything I had ever felt before.

"But I tried to stop him, and I couldn't…" I answered glumly.

"And that's in the past now. We just need to focus on what we need to do now and what we can do tonight."

I looked up again, between Bella an PJ I knew they had planned something that I didn't know about. PJ stepped forward and spoke for the first time.

"See, he called about ten minutes ago – we were nearly here and he had seen us after he had gone – and after you spoke to us, Bella had the idea that we would have to get him some help. Proper help. And I knew for a fact, that since everything turned upside down, he wouldn't want any of it, because he had managed so long on his own, and he thought that you needed the help much more than him. But when he told us he had walked away, I tried to convince him there and then that he needed help and that we can get him help straight away." PJ stopped for a moment, and sparked many questions.

"But… what did he say, if he didn't want help?" my voice was shaky.

"Well, that he didn't want help. Basically told us to mind our own business and that he was doing okay. That's all he wanted to say on the subject really."

I looked out the window, thinking hard. There were places where he could have gone. Places that I, a different person to who I was before, couldn't recall from one day to the next. There were so many roads we had walked down together that I had no recognised, even though we had been there since. He would even go out and tell me where to go, yet I would forget, I could never remember anything…

It was just like building a puzzle, only to find that the last piece is missing. The stress that the bit of information that you needed, wasn't even there in the first place, and only that piece was important now. Nothing else you saw mattered, because all of It was there. Just like I could walk. I would talk. I could do the things that were so basic. But the last piece of the puzzle was everything about me that I no longer had and could no longer retain anything to replace that missing part.

Then everything clicked.

"I know where to go", I said quietly, almost as a whisper. Both looked at me, confused.

I stared both of them in the eye and thought carefully about how I was going to explain this to them.

"We're going back to where it all began."


	36. FINAL CHAPTER: It Takes Two To Be One

**Welcome to the absolute final chapter of this whole piece! Thank you so, so much for everything you all have done, everybody who reviewed and made any day absolutely amazing! I simultaneously can't wait for this to be over, yet I wish it really wasn't - I have had so much fun writing It Takes Two, and I wont forget it. It's been a difficult few years that I have spent writing this, and by god it has some sentiment to it. Once again, thank you for everything everybody has done and I hope that you all enjoy this ending, as it was simply so difficult to write knowing that this is the last people will read of my story. **

**Thank You! You are all amazing!**

* * *

My heart went faster than the car PJ was driving as we raced down to the previously shut off area which was supposed to be m y death place. The wall never got re built because of the great risk it already was being a sheer drop into paralysing, icy cold water, but instead was cornered off by warning tape and surrounded by flood lights that blinded who ever moved in that area, whether it be a cat or a person. It was where my life changed as I felt into the icy depths months ago

There was no way I could have recalled the place itself, and it even took us to look on the internet for the location – which we found on a news website that had reported the 'Fatal fall of two young adults'. From there, we moved quickly, not speaking to each other at all and sitting in silence as the car rounded many corners, way above the speed limit.

I had never felt so frightening, not ever. not even not being able to remember, then losing someone so unforgettable. And if he had gone to where I thought, then surely this was the end for him.

Not when I woke up, feeling paralysed and confused, unable to remember my whole personality. Not even when I was told I could go home – to whatever home was. There simply was nothing more frightening than the fear I felt knowing that this could be then end of everything I knew, and it would be life changing.

One last corner was what I hoped as we wound through the streets, and we pulled to a heavy stop where I suddenly remembered the passage way sandwiched between the two houses at the end of the road. We burst out the doors, leaving them ajar, and ran as fast as our legs could manage into the darkness.

**Phil P.O.V**

It was dark. It was cold. It was isolated. And it was exactly how I remembered it.

In the distance, there were many rolls of thunder, but thy seemed miles away, and the pitched sky was blank. Clouds were only visible along the skyline.

The wind stung my face.

The grass remained over grown and cluttered with litter, and obscured the muddy path leading down to the wall, which was completely thrown into darkness and I couldn't see another person in sight.

That was strange. I was sure he said… I was sure he would be here.

I looked searchingly for a place to step, as the ground was strewn with glass shards which proved to be completely obscured in the darkness.

_Can you see me yet…?_

The answer was I could not, and although I stared harder into the void like darkness, it would only result in a headache

_Come closer to me, or you could be too late…_

My steady pace broke into a run, disregarding the pathway and running through the mesh of weed, stinging my legs and hands as I pushed my way past them. Glass hidden in the jungle stabbed through my shoes and I was slowly becoming entangled.

Suddenly, a bright light shone across me, and I stumbled blindly to the ground across my knee, and I fell heavily to the ground, my breath sharp in shock. The light woke up the previously invisible waste ground, and I could see everything in its wake.

The grass was a death like colour, some nearing brown as it was battered in the wind, which became ferocious. Warning tape fluttered somewhere in the distance, flashing rain washed colours. The fence which once stood, guarding this place from the public and holding a sign warning of trespassers.

But when I looked up the wall, which was continuously warping away into the drop beside, it saw that there was no silhouette around it, and in fact I was here all by myself.

There was a great feeling of stupidity when I realised I was chasing nothing, and I couldn't help but want to sink away and never be noticed again. it was icy cold, threatening to rain, dark and I couldn't really remember my way home, where Dan was and I was not, because I believe he was here.

I walked to the edge of the wall, sitting with my back against it lightly, where I was concealed mostly from what seemed like a flood light that was installed recently, as it definitely wasn't here when I last arrived in a hurry.

After a while, it switched off.

If there was anything I could have done to make the wall fall even more, then I would have done it. I had spent all the months trying so hard to help Dan be who he was before, and I had lost myself in the process. I had managed to create a complete stranger to who he really was, and be so… wrong to him. All I wanted, all I even wanted was to show him how he lived before, how we were so close and what we did, but inevitably it crashed and burned. There was no more sense of me in myself, and rather than me seeing Dan as a stranger, he saw me as a stranger, because I had forgotten who I really was. I had given myself and, of course Dan, some damn impossible set of expectations of a perfect life. Dan could be okay; I would be okay… yet I couldn't see myself in the mirror anymore. I wasn't me, and Dan wasn't Dan. This was not okay.

The wind carried through like wild fire, and it wasn't long until clouds were covering the skies in a frightening way, and the wind began to throw parts of the ground around, including plastic bags and litter which wasn't lodged in the over grown grass. I felt unsteady where I was, but at least it was quiet, at least it was remote, where I could think to myself.

"PHIL!" A voice called loudly out in the distance, and I froze in fear. The voice had come from the entrance, a while away from where I was sat. I sat still.

"Phil, we know you're here!" A female voice just audible over the whistling gales sweeping along loudly. I squinted into the distance, but could hardly see the people who approached. Damn glasses were at home, of course.

"It's okay, we want to help you now, please just come out!" I knew I couldn't let Dan see me. I knew that he wanted to help. But he hardly knew me, like I hardly knew myself. I moved my feet to my chest and wrapped my hands around them, holding myself close to keep warm and so that they couldn't find me. I didn't want to be found.

Before I knew it, the flood light, which was hidden somewhere on the towering fence of the house nearby, burst into blinding light, and finally, I could see them approaching. PJ, Bella, and Dan were walking blindly towards me, but I wasn't sure if they had seen me as they shielded their eyes, standing closely. I took advantage and stood, walking silently away along the edge of the drop, closer to where it all started.

"Phil, Stop." His voice was right behind me. Somehow Dan had caught up with me, his breath short, breathing heavily.

I didn't turn around. I didn't even talk. I just stopped. If there was anything that could have stopped me, it was Dan. Because it was clear in my mind, that if I wanted to get out of this then I would have to jump. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be this stranger.

"Just listen to me. It's me and you. No one else, PJ and Bella are back there but they can hear me or you." His voice was soft and silky, like I couldn't imagine. It was gentle and caring beyond recognition, and it was something that I longed for. I yearned to hear his voice that way.

"I know it's been difficult. I can't even begin to imagine…" his voice faded away, but I knew what he really wanted to say. "but I don't want the reason I lose you, to be the same reason you almost me. I have no idea, just no idea why I felt that what. I don't know what did it. I remember things that don't make sense, and its seriously messed up. If there was a way I could make this any different, I would. But we have to deal with what we've got."

"I've lost everything I ever wanted, I took it all for granted and then threw it all away. I've lost it all." I answer quietly, but I was sure I was audible over the whistling wind around us. I turned my head slightly, looking at the ground.

"Phil, we knew that things were never going to be the same. Hell, I don't even know what they were before it changed. But you, you know the past and I know that you need that back, but we can do this together, we can build everything back up the way that you want it. Life will be norm- "

"But it won't, will it!" this time, my voice became loud, and I clenched my fists, trying to contain the anger which was so strong. "How can life be normal again, if I can't think straight and you don't know anything of the past to be able to live it?"

"We just need to… get help. W-we can do it. You and me. I'll do it with you. Please just turn around, just let me help you." Dan's voice was feebly in the cold, and I was pretty sure I had made him feel rather unnerved. The atmosphere was tense.

"I don't want help. I don't need it. You're the one who needs all the help and support that you can get. I can manage."

"No, you can't. Phil, you are not managing. Staying in your room isolated isn't managing. Avoiding every friend and pushing them away isn't managing. Living your life thinking that you can't go any further is not managing. Just let us help you." His voice was strained and pleading, but I didn't look back still.

"Why?"

The question was so simple that it sounded wring, even harsh. But I couldn't begin to understand why. Why did he make so much effort when I couldn't put the effort back? When I clearly wasn't the same anymore, and anything that made me who I was, was gone.

For what felt like an eternity, I was lost in the wind. It drowned everything else out, getting louder and louder, beating my down. My eyes were shut tight as tears began to roll down my face, feeling that the answer would never come. I prepared my step closer.

Dan lightly took hold of my arm.

"Because I need you."

Those words were all I needed, the only thing I could think of that sounded right to me. It completed the feeling of loneliness and suffering, which numbed itself, and I could see clearly once again.

What was ferocious wind suddenly stopped, and silence finally fell. I turned around, facing Dan. His eyes were reddened and his face damp from tears. He kept hold of my arm as we looked each other in the eyes carefully but caringly. moments passed until I couldn't hold my breath anymore, and I exhaled every feeling, every emotion I wouldn't have allowed into the open before. I began to cry. Heavy tears filled my eyes, and I doubled over, Dan moving quickly closer and holding me as I fell to the ground, falling apart but fitting together again. the rain began to fall heavy, drenching us in silence, blissfully happy silence.

My war was over.

**Third person P.O.V**

Dan and Phil remained in the same place for a few more moments, until the police and ambulance crew burst through into the opening. It seemed that the flood light had been installed by the local council to prevent people from accessing the land. When the residents saw the lights turn on and heard the shouting, they had called the police and asked for help like they had been instructed after recognising the people there.

It was at this point where for the second time, their life would change for ever.

A paramedic stood over the them both, asking if they were feeling okay, bringing blankets to keep them warm and trying to coax them over to the ambulance where they could be warmer.

Dan stood first, taking Phil, who had not recovered enough to talk, under the arms and lifting him to his feet. But Dan felt a sudden pain in his head which brought him back to his knees and blinded him. It was searing through his mind and suddenly he was sat back on the damp floor, the blanket lisping off his shoulders

"Dan!" Phil shouted, finding his voice amongst all the rush and commotion. He quickly knelt down and grabbed Dan before he fell backwards, who was still clutching his head and holding his breath in pain. "Dan, what's wrong? Dan Talk to me!" The rain poured and the paramedic tried to lay Dan down, but his hands left his face, hanging a few inches away as he stared intently at the ground in confusion. For a few moments, he just sat there, and he couldn't hear a sound.

Everything was silent, everything was bland. The grass on the floor didn't mean anything. The feet shuffling wasn't of a concern. When the hands, grabbing both of his arms, shaking him, were nothing that Dan was aware of being important. His muscles were tensed and he couldn't figure out why. He just knew that he was there in that moment. The pain subdued, ebbing away into nothing. The sound returned like the tuning of a radio, and the voices, the voice became so clear and so loud.

Dan looked into the eyes of Phil Lester, his gaze torn from the sodden ground to this man who looked worryingly into his eyes. But Phil didn't mean the same to Dan anymore. Phil wasn't just the guy who Dan first set eyes on in the hospital. He wasn't just the person who knew everything about what Dan didn't. He wasn't just the friend who had been a friend, who had taken care and looked after Dan, or who had made his empty, lifeless days of scans and blood tests something his could enjoy and reminisce on.

Phil was all that, and more.

"Ph- Phil?" Dan's voice whispered. He spoke in disbelief. His world, his broken world that was missing so much, even though on the outside it seemed so little, finally was fixed, and Dan could look into Phil's eyes and see almost every memory they had ever had together.

The moment they met.

The moment they moved in together.

The moment Dan knew his life was no more than complete, and no less than perfect.

Dan remembered his missing puzzle, his missing piece. He remembered everything that matter, and what mattered was everything. But most of all,

_Dan remembered Phil._

**5 months later**

"Daaan! You're taking forever, come on!" Phil had his shoes on, and was stood by the front door, waiting for what was like an eternity.

"It's not my fault! At least I'm up..." Dan's voice called back from his room. Phil shook his head and laughed, knowing that there was going to be something that would mean they were going to be late; this time, the alarm was 'too quiet'. Phil's phone pinged loudly.

"PJ said they're waiting outside, you need to hurryyy."

"I'm heree," Gasped Dan, rushing down to the door, still pulling on his jacket.

"About time," They both looked at the door, nervously, knowing that it would be okay, but unsure, hesitant.

"We can do it. I've got you, and you've got me. I'll be there the whole time. It's okay." Dan spoke quietly, looking directly at Phil, whose eyes were directed at the handle and were frozen, almost scared. For a moment, he didn't do anything. But when Phil looked up, his face split into a reassuring smile and he finally felt happy.

"It isn't too bad, when you think about it" Phil's voice was shaky, but confident, and Dan knew that it was going to be a good today. No relapse, no panic. Just him and Phil.

Clenching onto the wedding invitation, they walked out the door together towards a nervous looking PJ, who's hands were in the midst of sweeping through his hair. Dress in the navy suit matching to Dan and Phil's, he held a box in his left hand, hidden in his pocket. He was frantic when he looked over and saw them both approaching.

"Where-have-you-been" he said reproachfully through his teeth.

"PJ, relax. At this rate we are going to be almost an hour early. Everything's calm. She's probably not even dressed up yet so it's okay" reassured Phil, readjusting his tie.

"Wait" Said Dan. "You said we were going to be late – an _hour_ early" Before Dan could continue, Phil cut him off.

"Yes, and if I told you we were early you'd still be in bed, now stop moaning. It's not your special day today anyway."

Dan glanced away embarrassed, but when he looked back they all laughed, PJ's especially forced and nervous. The driver pipped his horn impatiently, and they all looked around quickly as they realised where they were mean to be. Dan, Phil, and PJ all rushed over and seated themselves over in the taxi, which immediately drove off.

"Off to see the blushing bride…" PJ sung under his breath shakily. Phil looked over and nudged him.

"Oh come off it, be happy! It's meant to be a wedding, not a funeral! Remember, we are going to be up there with you too, so don't stress."

The car drove off in the early morning sun.

In the months to come, he would get better. Phil's therapy was long term, and it was going to take him a long time to recover. But he had shown much improvement, and could now face walking through the door and becoming much more social. His mood, his health and his life were going to get better, and Phil would almost be like before. when he looked at Dan, although he loved him very much, he knew the time was not right. They were both still recovering, and it would take even longer just for everything to settle just for him to mess it up again. Phil knew he would have to be the best friend Dan could possible have if it meant that life could be close to normal again.

Dan's memory never come back completely – some parts of his memory were still a mystery, and they never really come back, including the months leading up to his depression. He never really figured out why he felt that way either, and soon come to terms with the fact that he may never know why, along with the many dark patches he still couldn't remember. Most of Dan's memory did return, and finally he felt that he could fit the missing piece in his life, being able to remember who he was and, most importantly, his long and happy friendship with Phil. He was back to his normal self most the time. he knew, of course, that he cared about Phil more than he thought he did, but he knew that it wasn't right either. He saw the way Phil would look at him, and respected his patience, as these things come in time. Step by step.

Because for Phil to live, Dan had to be there - and for Dan to live, Phil had to be there.

_**It Takes Two.**_


End file.
